Waiting all alone
waiting on this cold table
waiting for the doctors and the drones

I feel the scratch
of the itchy cotton gown
on the narrows of my back
as it climbs up and down

Displayed I lye on the medical tables hard cold steel
It seers into the crevices of my bones
I ponder the lone window and wonder if it's real
I listen for the bleep and bloop of medical tones

Nurses walk by in a mechanical grace
poke and **** & tap and touch my face
and then proceed to leave without a trace
with no hint of knowledge of my medical case

Waiting all alone
waiting on this cold table
waiting for the doctors and the drones

I'm a big girl, I'm a big girl
I begin to chant in a simple rhythm
as small as a ball I begin to curl
I'm abandoned inside this glassy prism

The dead silence creeps inside my brain
I want to scream to fill the deadly gap
but the cold thick air of silence brings pain
I comfort myself and say it will be ok

My breathing begins to quicken
my eyes dart around the room
only comfort is the fear which I am stricken
my sight goes bleary as darkness looms

Waiting all alone
waiting on this cold table
waiting for the doctors and the drones

Tears sting the corner of my eyes
I want someone to hold my hand
Oh God how I want to cry
but the only thing there is the bleeding arm band

The test begins with the thickness of barium
It slides down my throat and clings to my esophagus
It tastes like chalk and pandemonium
they want me to suffocate I guess

I chug and chug as the pictures are snapped
x-ray upon x-ray of my stomach and my back
Drink more Drink more They tell me to do
Nervously I shake and say, anymore and I will puke on you

Waiting all alone
waiting on this cold table
waiting for the doctors and the drones

Even more poking and prodding ensues
but of my stomach, ribs and *******
I lay rigid as a board from the pain of each touch
I grow weary of this tiresome rues

The tests are done
and the coast is clear
I am left alone
to dress myself in fear

Dismissed and discharged to walk away
they file my chart with a robotic smile
now for the wait of endless days
I'm lost in my mind's land of emotional exile

Waiting all alone
waiting on this cold table
waiting for the doctors and the drones

Pins & Needles Pins & Needles
I wait for the results
Is it stomach cancer, an ulcer or both??
In the dark I am kept like followers in cults.

I can smell it.

The scent of rain

Forth coming from the clouds.



I can taste it.

The sweetness of honeysuckle,

Drifting in the folds of the wind.



I can sense it.

The presence of spring,

As it shakes and dances up my spine.



The wriggling grass between my toes,

Sends shivers through my body

And soul.



The desire to run naked in the sun,

Urges and pushes its way forward.



The need to stretch my body out,

In a field of grass,

As the sun dances across

My cheeks and bare shoulders.



I wish to ****** the sun

With my innocents,

And to bed the grass

For the time being.



I love the feeling of the earth,

Messaging my feet as a lover does.

A sudden rain fall caresses my skin,

Intimately with every splashing moment.

Sleeping in the red, there she lays.

With her arms crossed across her chest,

The ivory flesh stands out against the guest

Of The robins egg blue that is her dress.

.. ..

No one saw the red line form

Across the delicate neck.

The spill of sensation was warm,

The red life flowed like tree sap,

Down the ridges of a hikers cap.

.. ..

As the sleeping maiden lied

No one was there to warn the sleeping bride.

No one heard her mournful cry, as she died.

No one to defend her from the rising black tide.

.. ..

As the last of her mortal breath slipped,

The stealer of life watched, as the ****** dagger dripped.

It dripped the ****** blood of untainted youth.

From which came a fountain of innocence and truth.

.. ..

Before her essence left her eyes,

She met the gaze of a thousand lies.

“I loved you,” he said as he watched his prize.

“And because of that we say our goodbyes.”

.. ..

You see the young maiden,

Whose heart had been laden,

With the comforts of love

By the gray male dove,

That was her dear sweet Romeo.

.. ..

This dove stole her passions away,

From a green-eyed, former lover,

Whose jealousy would never decay.

for a long time the jealous man would hover,

While watching his coveted love and the gray dove play.

.. ..

The dove and maiden’s many nights of walks and of laughters,

Shortly turned to passionate nights there after,

Of talks of marriage and happily ever-afters.

.. ..

As the romance of two youths blossomed with radiance,

A poisonous thorn began to take offense.

The green-eyed man got down on his knees.

He offered treasures and health for his pleas.

But the maiden would have none,

As she conceded that she couldn’t be won.

.. ..

The green-eyed man bellowed and vowed.

“If I cannot claim you as my treasure,

Then none shall have the pleasure.”

He stormed away and left her behind,

As he cackled and plotted within his mind.

.. ..

As he birthed the night he would steal away

The maiden’s romance in a vivid display.

.. ..

So as her life essence dwindles away,

The jealous man kissed her forehead and prayed.

“Safety for you because in my heart you will stay,

As I dream of this night for the rest of my days.”

.. ..

For in his heart the jealous man knows,

No princes’ kiss will wake her,

No wedding day awaits her.

Forever trapped in time,

As my lover’s crime.

We shall relive each day in my mind,

As if you had chosen to be mine.

Do I chase
or do I run?
Do I hide
Or do I seek?

What happened to those fairy tales?
Those knights of old,
Those gentleman so bold.

It’s only in the movies I said,
It’s only in the books I’ve read.
There are no fairy tale endings anymore.

There are no damsels in distress,
No longer okay to be weak.
No longer okay to be meek.

There are no knights in shinning armour.
Chivalry is dead
Individuality deceased.

Romanticism was just a painting.
An 18th century joke.
To rally the oppressed and the yoke.

It’s pointless to go on wishing,
For that man that can read your mind.
There is no sense in feigning interest
And consenting to being blind.

So I shall set down my feminine ****
Of dragons and unicorns,
And men so bold.

Move on and back to reality
And ingest the hypocrisy.
Take my flowers
My chocolates, and
“I love you” ‘ s
And live in harmony?

Cough! Cough!
Uh sorry
And live in my romantic fatality.

Be gone thy spirit and soul.
Let me die here and now.

For I have lost all hope of this life.
I wish for death on the swiftest of wings,
or a sign of hope on the stampeding
hooves of life.

Beaten down into the earth.
Bones of mentality shatter,
a dozen times over.

Screaming anxiety let my soul die.
Let my spirit dwindle.
I banish thee and go in grace.

For I have tried and failure prevailed.
I need not be here.
I don't belong.

So let me be and go and rest my
splintered spirit and die on this barren ground
which is called life.

A deep valley stands before us.
Surrounding trees rustle their leaves.

A crisp fall wind carrying desires blows gently.
The cold wind caresses my fair skin.

The long plains grass moves
to a rhythmic beat unheard.

You lean in,
with your hands wrapped snug around my waist.
You whisper in
my ear sweet promises and say one day this will be ours.

so close you are,
I feel the heat of your breath against my neck.
so close you are,
I sense the longing in your steps.

I close my eyes.
You squeeze me tight.
I lean back into you,
as we watch the fading light.

A sun sets behind the trees,
as silence fills the coming dark.

And yet so much is said,
by the closeness of our bodies,
by the way you caress my cheek,
by the way your hands are relaxed,
like holding a fragile peach.

Child
Innocent
Angel

Carried
Guarded
By
Adults

Who
Are
Wise
Dru­ids

Nurturing
Loving
Understanding

Who
Were
Once
Teens

Challen­gers
Of
The
Rules

Boundaries
That
Are
Unseen

Growing
Not
Showin­g
Life
Lines

Like
Grandparents
Do

Wrinkle
In
Time
Lost
Generati­on

Setting
Sun
Night
At
Bay

For
Another
Angel's
Laugh

Signals
­Another's
Flight
Away.

Youthful vitality oozes from my pores.
A child freshly turned to a maiden.
My hair flicks and licks against my cheeks
as it twists and twirls in the cold winter wind.

The scents of love and lust drift aloof,
Under the bridges of young boy’s noses.
The feminine spells that are cast in the air,
cause men to rush to me with roses.

Youthful vitality is what they crave.
My innocence that I have saved.
Lips like budding blossoms of dusty roses,
on which they wish to place their kisses.

Eyes that are sunflowers in a wild green field,
those with their greedy hands, wish to steal,
but my heart will never set on them and yield.

Please just go away,
That’s all I ask?
Do not stay.
Take this task,
And leave me be,
Let me weep,
Beneath the pomegranate tree.

My soul is lost unto thee.
Go find it,
And set me free.

Warn you I must,
For you will find,
A little girl of unconscious mind.

She is lost you see.
Friend from foe she can not tell.
Nor can she break the spell,
Alone that is.

Marred by the past she is.
Frightened of the future.
No home to go to.
No arms to rest in.

Time…
It will take much time to move her.
Patience you will need,
And that she has none of.
You see She wants to be free!!

Take her gently in your arms,
Once she has bestowed her kiss and trust on you.
Keep her away from harm,
And mind that you be true.

Bring her to me,
And I will let her die,
Within the folds of my eye.

There she will stay,
There she will remain,
Free to wander on the plains.
Free from the anguish of her chains.

I long for our time together.
The ecstasy of every moment.

Together we are a cascading waterfall,
of emotions, imagery, beauty and thought.

I crave the words and phrases that tumble
from your hard tipped lips.

I kiss and nibble your ivory skin,
brandishing the white with my own red ink.

The soft pale caress of our utterance
as your body swells and spills over
with my elaborate thoughts and deepest desires.

The sweet subtle change from
empty to full as I drink in and confess
every penetrating whisper
and every delicate moan onto thee.

I yearn to explore the strong rigidness
of you between my long silken finger tips.

I let loose and fly across this fleshy tundra,
as we merge completely and deeply every introspection.

A timeless moment of expression hidden secretly
in every inhale and exhale.
Expressions of the most profound;
love and lust
Reality and fiction
chaos and order
pain and pleasure

All of this I bestow on thee
waiting and timed just right
for that ever exquisite moment
of perfect unity.

As an ending ****** pulls and rips
its way through the soft tissues
of our souls, the most flawless
cries escape for us to behold.

The flooding release of one's own soul
as the body tremors and shakes
with its final gasps and goes limp
to lie in its final resting place.

But knowing you my dearest lover,
you shall never allow me the luxury
of repose for I give birth to spirit,
mind, body and soul.

And we shall ravenously dance
again and again, for that
haughty cycle shall never end
as I confess forever and ever
my very being and lay in wait
to be read and to be seen.

As the cloth slips away,
She starts to pray.
What you see there,
Will it make you care?

Or will you run,
And find a gun
To shoot right here,
Into my heart, my dear.

I feel your eyes on my sides,
As they slip and slide,
All over and under,
As you shake me asunder.

And yet I ask, “do you see?”
I see burns and scars of the third degree.
Dare you trace the lines,
To learn the stories, which are mine?

Look closely as I trace my *******,
The small supple lumps unlike the rest.
You see back in the day I was small and flat,
As they sneered and jeered and said “what is that?”

Trace the red lines down toward my inner thigh,
From the lonely night when I realized,
That never again would I be able to cry.
That night a small part of me did die.

If you dare to look to my southern most lips,
They tremble and quibble from the bites and the nips
Of a night spent pinned by a man’s embrace
And being forced open for pleasures not graced.

But if you glance at the hole in my chest,
Where a beating heart should rest
You’ll see that it has been taken
By a father whose love has been forsaken.

So tell me truthfully
Tell me quite deeply
Is this tortured naked body worth seeing?
Or shall you run fleeing?

You see her
every so often.
In the flit of wind,
or lick of fire.

Entangled in the fine
mane of a wild horse,
as she ride bare back
across the plains.

Innocents
once encompassed
A porcelain face,
but time,
the enemy
stripped it away.

Pursed lips, and
Dandelion eyes
embedded in a meadow,
where the sunrise
is like late night
bonfires blazing high!

Warm winds stole his embers
and placed them in her heart.
The wind cradles its creation
as it whispers softly to her.

Prone to wander
for the hearts desire
craves the elements,
to run
to live
to die

The desires, that dangers,
the very last breath.
All or nothing.
Take the final step.

Small, smooth,
round pebbles
sparkle like jewels.

The the pristine waters,
where it rises and falls,
Like her chest
as she sleeps
in the light,
of the afternoon sun.

Touched by the elements;
with hair like gold wheat,
skin smooth as alabaster,
and the color of white tulips,
eyes of the meadow,
and lips curved
like mountains.

Strength to spare
for the weary.
As she journeys
deeper within.

Young she looks,
but wise she is.
She calls you in
while eyes are glowing,
with that mischievous smile,
her laughter is the echoes
of an early morning song.

Fire child of the mountains,
frail flower of the east.
Lady of fire,
never cease.

Smooth,
Soft,
and warm.

Strong,
Certain,
and safe.

The touch of security
courses through my flesh.
I drink it in as I lean
back into this bright beam.

A brightness that offers hope and peace.
I may have found a new respite
from the troubles of life and
all its dangerous and toothy bites.

Calm,
Tranquil,
and at rest.

I place myself in your comforting caress.
Though confused I find myself to be
I can not resist, much less
deny the touches bestowed on me.

I crave and drink in every flick of wrist
and every brush of flesh on flesh
that causes an explosion under my skin.
That releases a heated sensation through my chest.

It is like a drug that I want to steal.
I desire to feel your hands all over me,
for I believe your caress alone has the power to heal
all my scars and wounds that no one sees.

I long to curl up inside your chest
and feel every heartbeat and every breath.
As I lay there I close my eyes and rest
in knowledge that I am warm and safe.

I lust for your strong arms to envelope me
as I sink into your being and we share
a moment, a breath in time of being one,
in a place without words and social snares.

I am intoxicated by your spell but also
scared and lost for this moment leaves me dumb
as I cling to the essence of strength
that is unique to you and leaves me numb.

I can't quit you
I can't stop you
I can't control you
I can't give you up

But today of all days
I will finally quit you.

I watch you suffer
day by day
week by week
month by month
and year by year

Late night phone calls
You're in jail again

Late night phone calls
you're in the hospital again

Late night alarms going off
there is an ambulance outside again

I watched you bleed to near death
on the bathroom floor.
I watched you nearly ****
your son by driving through a pole.

I watched you destroy yourself
Oh dear God would you please help?
I listened as you blamed me
when it was always you

It was never me
It was always you

I can't find the answer in my mind
To the pain you cause
as it runs me over in my brain
like a never ending freight train.

We yell
we scream
we hit
and I dream of a time
when I was still
your little girl

Before the *****
before the pills
before the death of you and me

I pine and yearn for
that relationship we never had
I pine and yearn for
you to grow up and finally be my dad

But today that dream I have
I let it go because
today I will finally quit you
and let my little girl go

She hates you
she despises you
she keeps me from growing old
as she waits for your promises tenfold

I don't need you to make me happy anymore
I don't need you to wipe her tears forever more
I have told her that all you do is lie
and that this little girl needs to stop waiting and die

Today of all days
No longer waits the little girl
but a broken woman who moved on
who does not wait on broken promises
a woman you should have loved is gone.

Anger, frustration, hate,
the striking blow
that knocks me off my feet.

I stare shocked and amazed.
With hot and sweaty hands,
clenching into fists,
eyes narrowing, and flickering
with a fire of rage.

You promised!
You said, "Never Again!"
But here I find
another empty can;
A sign of your loneliness.

You took your promises,
stabbed deeply
and twisted them
like a dagger into my heart.

For every promise
you make and break
forever my heart shall remain
your daggers sheath.