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Erin Schenke Sep 2010
I can't quit you
I can't stop you
I can't control you
I can't give you up

But today of all days
I will finally quit you.

I watch you suffer
day by day
week by week
month by month
and year by year

Late night phone calls
You're in jail again

Late night phone calls
you're in the hospital again

Late night alarms going off
there is an ambulance outside again

I watched you bleed to near death
on the bathroom floor.
I watched you nearly ****
your son by driving through a pole.

I watched you destroy yourself
Oh dear God would you please help?
I listened as you blamed me
when it was always you

It was never me
It was always you

I can't find the answer in my mind
To the pain you cause
as it runs me over in my brain
like a never ending freight train.

We yell
we scream
we hit
and I dream of a time
when I was still
your little girl

Before the *****
before the pills
before the death of you and me

I pine and yearn for
that relationship we never had
I pine and yearn for
you to grow up and finally be my dad

But today that dream I have
I let it go because
today I will finally quit you
and let my little girl go

She hates you
she despises you
she keeps me from growing old
as she waits for your promises tenfold

I don't need you to make me happy anymore
I don't need you to wipe her tears forever more
I have told her that all you do is lie
and that this little girl needs to stop waiting and die

Today of all days
No longer waits the little girl
but a broken woman who moved on
who does not wait on broken promises
a woman you should have loved is gone.
Erin Schenke Sep 2010
Glass sparkles in the sun,
Clear and invisible, sometimes never seen,
But in itself a picture frame resides,
with another world inside.

Some days it is plain, hardly noticeable to the naked eye,
seen only as a barrier for keeping out the rain,
a kaleidoscope that changes like the sky,
to fierce storms, or warm summer days,
to trees burning with the fall, or frostbitten winter times.

If the sun is bright enough on a rainy day,
through the glass a broken rainbow can be seen,
fragments of splintered rays.
In this brokenness there is happiness and pleasure,
despite the fact the glass will never be just right.

Smudged and streaked by little hands and faces,
the window is clouded with life and of youth.
The only picture on those days,
is one of beauty and hope.

When you are on the outside looking in,
there are scary days of pain or warm sunshine coming in.
Someday in that picture frame waiting for me will be,
children playing in the sun or warm hugs on wedding days.
Erin Schenke Sep 2010
I saw God looking at the earth.
He was staring down from his mighty throne.
Marveling at his creations,
he stopped and stared at me alone.

Young, naive, and innocent,
child of only nine
on a beach of loneliness
playing in the tides.

Alone and unaware, I stared as the heavens in the sky.
Felt the sand beneath my toes
and the lapping of waves like a soft lullaby.

He spoke to me through the spray of the sea.
He held me within the soft hands of an ocean wind.
He showed me the world and all the things that were within.

His light came down, in a circle, out in the sea.
Several dolphins played in that light,
splashing and dancing, like angles that frolic at night.

The morning haze was gray and yet profound,
against the random ray of light that was earthbound.

As a wondrous child does, I stared at what others could not see,
but I saw something deeper than you and me.
Erin Schenke Sep 2010
Smooth,
Soft,
and warm.

Strong,
Certain,
and safe.

The touch of security
courses through my flesh.
I drink it in as I lean
back into this bright beam.

A brightness that offers hope and peace.
I may have found a new respite
from the troubles of life and
all its dangerous and toothy bites.

Calm,
Tranquil,
and at rest.

I place myself in your comforting caress.
Though confused I find myself to be
I can not resist, much less
deny the touches bestowed on me.

I crave and drink in every flick of wrist
and every brush of flesh on flesh
that causes an explosion under my skin.
That releases a heated sensation through my chest.

It is like a drug that I want to steal.
I desire to feel your hands all over me,
for I believe your caress alone has the power to heal
all my scars and wounds that no one sees.

I long to curl up inside your chest
and feel every heartbeat and every breath.
As I lay there I close my eyes and rest
in knowledge that I am warm and safe.

I lust for your strong arms to envelope me
as I sink into your being and we share
a moment, a breath in time of being one,
in a place without words and social snares.

I am intoxicated by your spell but also
scared and lost for this moment leaves me dumb
as I cling to the essence of strength
that is unique to you and leaves me numb.

— The End —