Why does my heart freeze up
when
 I read words you’ve written?

How is it that

I can read writing 

that makes my heart press hard to escape my ribs

But yours liquidates my blood
Until my fingers go numb?

It’s like this

You’ve got a canyon filled with knowledge

On how to hurt

You’ve got a library filled with textbooks

On how to make a heart drop 

You’ve got a sky filled with rain clouds 

That drop tears you’ve inspired
into the eyes of others.

Everything you touch
is sent into a whirlwind orbit. 

You’re important

You’re dangerous

You’re vital

You are never merely an effect.
You affect me. 

Never forget that.

what can I do to be good enough for you?

i’ll drop the pounds

i’ll wear the makeup

i’ll get the grades

i’ll force the laugh

but then

when you are left 

with this distorted image 
of a human being

who’s twisted and broken

crinkling at the edges 
and burning up

from the inside out
please don’t sneer 
in disgust.
when everything’s rolling together

and coming to a close

and you let me catch you

by the ends of your fingertips 

don’t flinch

from the artificial thing I became
for the sake
of winning you.