with such a big heart
I keep myself up
with such a big heart
it's own weight
can drown me

in the next ten years,*
or even twenty
will I remember this moment
I wonder
what I would say
did I do good
should I have taken
the afternoon bus
on that rainy Tuesday
should I have studied more
or traveled the world
should I have waited a moment
to seize a photograph
of that autumn dawn
with blue skies so clear
and aromas so dear
or dressed in high heels
and gone out to that party
should I have waited
*or moved ahead?

This moment right now
Everything seems right
Yet I am a little sad inside
Knowing tomorrow's sprite
Will tower with great fright
As always nothing gold can stay
And the fearful monsters
Will come to claw away
My sight

drink in the sky,*
the moon, the stars
the puddles in the streets
and the quiet moments
where souls hold breath
on the brink of a clattering
*downfall

The floating feeling
Surfing through the air
Thick with richness
Of a summer shine,
Pale yellows and greens
Which glow,
Dappled, bouncing light
Shadows and gurgling “hellos”
The sensation of flying
Through thickets of
Swaying trees singing
In unison
With the blue, cerulean water
Lavender springs
And bumps into laughter
Time speeds past
And the breath smells
Like sweet, sweet wine
Drunk off the music
The northern, brisk breeze
Combs through my hair
And I wished
I could stay
Forever

the engine startles, the headlights flicker on
the soft spatter of rain a murmuring lullaby

the ceaseless roll of pavement
getting ****** underneath

the winds brush in a scatter of melodies
picking stray locks of hair

the descending sun a ball of scorched orange
a cigarette bud in a whirl of ash and smoke

music tumbling from the radio
filling the empty leather seats

no other headlight permeate the reflections
just pavement and trees and churning sky

outstretch an arm and cradle the twilight
hum sweetly in lone companionship

my words, they halt like rusted hinges
they feel down and heavy,
translation of my inner whirlpool of feelings
thoughts and ideas, interests and loves
held on mute, so all I receive
is static noise or echoes of a ghost self,
the inner chord which rings with every step
which put a bounce in my cheeks
and a shine to my hair,
where has gone its magnificent self?
it's tugged, dragged down, deeper and deeper
into the chasm of cracks
which pried itself open with
the hauntings of loneliness,
so that the warmth and admiration
pooled in my stomach recoils and gets ****** in
to what feels like a icy numbness creeping
like a parasite without hesitation
a pit writhing with black snakes
and I'm left plucking at air, at a nothing
to which I am no longer aware,
and when will this aching strife
cease to be, when will this pain halt
its seize, when the loneliness shrinks
back to its corner of the world
and I left to smile and breathe?

mostly strings,
stepped aside

mostly things
shafts of delight

mostly swings
memories reprise

another being
faring without knowing

I hate math class
set myself on fire
and I'll still feel
the same

fazed, wandering the summer night
of ricocheting melodies,
orange infused and bouncing
as crickets shoot like ping pongs
and cicadas echo over
the green, rolling hills
pockets of light encased
within our laughter,
a cheek to cheek grin
a composition bestowed
of teetering vertigo
and unsettled dust,
the chaos rolls and crackles
plugging the ears,
snatching syllables,
eyes steel shut and we yell,
scream, crackle and smile,
our hammering hearts
closing in orbit

love...
love?
love.

glass can be fear  
it can be near
frankly, it is all I hear

the solid ground
words falling away
drop dead weight

what is this
the need to scrub the suds
off of time

the pull to dust off
buried dreams of starships
and gusto

a gusto that
sounded a little like
I‘ll live

I don‘t know
what this is,
purpose?

how does it exist
outside of time?
untouched by money?

how do I know
what it is
what it says?

why is it so hard for me
to admit that
all the things I hoped for
will no longer appear
like a camera's flash
take a photo of my life
I don't pose in any of them
I know that this is only
a frame sliding next to
the thickening photo album
thousands of frames to take
and only one to take a shot
I know I'm foolish
a whimsical dreamer
dying to know
how to possibly
carry on

what makes us bleed, cry, yearn for the sky
is what makes us human

I’m small
I’m nothing
I’m not but a speck

I click and rattle
Each waking moment
Clink, clink

Yet with each breath
I bubble with mirth
I paint a dream

I reach

To carry a big heart
To open more
To feel more
To give more

To believe
To sacrifice
To dream

To be exposed
To teeter
To be shaken

that melting melody
the glimpse of eyes*
*two lips divine

do not lead
a life which
cannot sustain
your happiness

centered, I like to be here
rather than that
of your land sliding grin

I don't even know
Where to begin
On this concrete floor
Waiting for the forms
To come bursting in
A dash of color
Or flash of texture
Or even maybe
The grate of silence
Screaming as loud as ever
It's easy to get lost

a stray needle stuck within the knitted sweaters,
thick wool of dark forest green,
or that of soft spoken orange
stitched with reds and blues
of a sunset setting behind evergreens,
the swift stroke, a patch of red
and tight fitted turtle necks
to tickle the hair, the ears
worn under the brilliant cascades of snowflakes
falling, whispering, sighing as the air
shimmers with a piercing blue
and snow melting on the flushed red of cheeks
the stray needle slips from hug to embrace,
from kiss to piggyback,
pricking pain far further than spilling blood,
the crackle of pain and echo of loneliness,
the sear of rejection and haunting isolation,
so it slips unnoticed,
twinkling under the moonlight

I am human.
I stumble
I am a kaleidoscope of hues
a tidal wave of feeling
a star
a speck
a glimpse
I walk, no,
more like leap with bubbling mirth
and collide with frightening, terrifying speed
I am intertwined, inexplicably,
I hope
I dream
I am

The walls capsized
Revealing massive luminous structures
Lights spilled, dancing and careening
In the lakeshore northern air
The water swelled, breaching the concrete
And music ballooned through the echoing streets
The sleeping giant tumbled onto wakefulness
The arrow of unconventional beauty
Shot into the climbing night

I feel like we have been living
While one looks at one another
And while the other
Looks straight ahead
Knowing, wishing
Yet always too shy
To see the glimpse
Of another side
So we sit and laugh
Talk for hours
Falling with only
The sound of our voices
Yearning for the day
We can live under
The bright sunny sky
And look in each other's eyes
To realize this is what
Maybe it's supposed to feel like

how the world could become
a better place
if there were no mirrors.
wouldn't it?

what does it truly reflect:
who we truly are
or who we ought to be
right?

like a catapult of a sun thrown across the sky
happiness is found in a moment so sly
just to be taken away again
and swallowed by the starry
glints of infinite goodbyes

feel the weight
of its fibers give
under each touch,

the slick sound of canvas
and wood creaking
under each human thought

gaze upon the mark making,
the presence of emotional ailment
of a joy and grief

watch, soak up the arc of the hand
of the eyes whizzing past
bright and intense

the colors overlap,
the hues sing in harmony
or clash in discord

I feel like myself again*
knowing that I decided
to unhinge from that
*brittle foundation

the shudder of blue
skylight run crisp
an hour anew

there are no instructions
I do not have any
just keep my eyes open
and ears ready to listen
I do not have instructions
just keep the days
rolling off of a silver platter
for me to fill
with memories and sugar

empty hallways glisten
feet stumbling shyly
our smiles listen

sometimes the howling of the wind
under the starry winter sky
must be the rush of dreams
that dances in our sleep
they travel far, they travel wide  
they howl maybe because
they are no longer for us to keep
infatuated by the obsession
of a better reality

i’m tired
let me sink
into the incandescent
murmur of
the ocean

into the
cool mists
of stoic
mountains

into the folds
of a warm,
yellow light

this little
pocket of stillness,
let me sink into it

before i have to
face the gravel
and sirens
and stickiness
once more

what can I do for you miss?

get me the *****
*out of this place

a railroad of disconnect
just try to resurrect
the distance

ready a shallow pool
I won't be diving*
after secrecy
*anymore

after all of those
better tomorrow's
that has been promised
I must have a year
saved just full of them
but frankly, how
can I ever see that
beyond this horizon
where lightening strikes
in each direction
I look

two swim in a deep, blue sea
with bare feet
two hands open
two eyes closed shut
and an open
heart
it can hurt
I will carry wounds
it can be utter brilliance
I will be free

Tall sky scrapers with pale blue
And white exteriors
Catching the sun’s rays
With an array of glittering reflections
Like the scales of a fish
Shimmering with iridescent vigor
Low-ceiling bridges
Hubbub of human activity
Busy, commuting, engaged
In conversations as they
Zig zagged
Through the broken pavement
Dappled with sunlight

the falling hush engrossed
a silent subtle chill
the pearly moon glinting

do we create something out of nothing
is that what it means to be human?