Can't you see
I still love you
I just cannot put myself
Through it anymore
So I try to hold my bones
They now shudder
And creak wherever I go
All the past mistakes
Ghosting vacant follow
If I can pretend to be strong
Maybe I can convince
The part of me made of glass
That I am
And not feeling like
I can collapse from within
At any given time

how to circumnavigate the gap
the fall to opaque occupations
the chaos in deciphering what is our purpose
explorers we claim to be
yet to what spectrum of dancing feat
and which connection to tie in a knot
or to severe to never breathe life again
remorse can dig deep
regret will splice my knees
so that it will be impossible to walk
my eyes become scrutiny
feeding the voice registered in my head
how we are all of one
sublime complicated dimensions
toppling on lust and affection  
lost to feverish games
it all winds so I can't swallow
and at the end of the day
the wiring to my skull gone haywire
how can I ever channel everything inside of me
yearning for things that may never be
just keep on doing what
I know to do,
and someday,
just maybe
my feet will ground
and hinge my fragile spine

I don't even know my name*
can you please ******
must have lost it
along the way

if it's fluttering
in your palms
please tell me
*what do you feel

an answer persisting*
of one word,
waits
so sing me a lullaby
before the void
*swallows me again

I try to hide my own misery*
and ignore through laughter
yet it shows in my paintings
at how the brush strokes
bleed with raging emotion
and the color black
keeps on creeping back
sometimes I suffocate
in the irreversible essence
of music lacking in syllables  
like an abstract painting
the truth is hidden
only in the eye of the beholder
yet, the tragedy of all of this
is as the one who wields the brush
and select the palette of colors
I end up seeing myself
on the canvas
and it reeks sickly, sweetly, violently
and it screams
so all I can hear
is the misery
of my very own
*existence

living softly amidst wrought stories
the implications complications
and sighted abbreviations
halved gazes shared by millions
remember we are all
withering demands of annihilated proof
do not hide your tears
or drown those nightly sorrows
streaming to wash away those chapters
shattered shards
scattered pills
those mirrors glued to our faces
those years yearn for concrete foundation
just imagine everything is alright
bleed at the fingertips of keyboards
scratch in what is inside us all
no one is the same so remain
no one waits by the fall
individuality stemmed by
the pieces in our soul
a glance taken to chance
heightened similarity
fruits of simplicity
bittersweet sour and steaming
it's taste is different for all
scattered shards and annihilated relativity
there is that piece
taken to higher places
palaces abandonment orphanage
and apartments
it will help carry on that strait
welled deep too steep
we must all understand to sleep
and breathe a finer grain
so we may all keep what
is there to keep
carry on, my friend
carry on

the anatomy of a body
deserves naught to be scrutinized
the symmetry of the mind
surpasses far beyond
than that of a quivering yonder*
no need to caress the air
which buffers from
the breathing *****
no need to pluck
strands of singing beads
from the temple
*of a human mind

I am not flint
dangling from
the edge of
you sleeve.

I dare you
I dare to breathe fire
To walk on glass
To feel the jagged edge
I dare you to confess
To admit
To cut and omit
I dare you
To do all the ****
You said you never would
But secretly do
To book a flight
To cry in public
To go running to the doorstep
With flowers tight in grip
I dare you to
Take the first step
To go skinny dipping
Under the stark moonlight
I dare you to be free
I dare you to fight after
Your deepest desires
I dare you to be
Who you always wanted to be

to build a palace
to greet the ghosts
which stalk the moonlit halls
to fill the vases
with fragrance of roses
to unlock the bolts
which secluded a greeting, hello,
to spread the curtains open
as golden light spills
through the cavernous space
to allow the breeze pooled from the shore
strike conversation with the window panes
to strike the hearth with a bellowing fire
to fill the kitchen with warmth and chatter
to restore the hardwood floors to its past
chocolate-brown luster
to adorn the walls with paintings which sing and feel
to fill a room with books, books, and books
to sip on sweetness and joy
while overlooking a glittering lake
to feel the grass
cushion bare feet
to fall asleep without an ache in the chest

to build a palace

I feel enormously heavy
as the darkened room
presses against my skin
and the cheery melody
echoes far into oblivion
I can't pick up my chin
Or wipe the moisture
from my eyes
or chance a plea
into the sunlight
what I carry inside
they will never know
I have tried to rid of it
But it's a flame
that won't die out

may I sleep soundly
rich with tepid vigor
on yawning hours
of wakeful day
yet may the
embrace of
nightly shadows
keep the
swimming dreams
warm so to steal
the hours
of tomorrow

flutter of fain keynotes*
chiming of icicles
rattle of soft hurts
and embraces of affection
flowing warmth
*and desire for artistry

the glittering windshield
brilliant blur of lights
smell of December rain

two teary eyes adjourn
smeared mascara slip
no hand to hold

Why is it that
I am happy in a day
Yet so miserable the next
This is getting to be
So *******
Exhausting

Is there a difference
A difference between
a and e
Between
The way I breathe
And the way you see

A difference between
Fulfillment
And
Purpose?

A difference
Which is worth more
Than a thought?

the comfort of a deep-seated sofa
scruffy and a dark green
sink into its comfort,
the air stale and chilly
a stack of books
silence from the mind
is a salve
a moment to be
without being scathed
from reality

our lives aren't monologues
where one can dictate
what touches us or not
sometimes such miracles
are inevitable
no matter
how brief
in the grand
scale of
things

the pure joy watching
slowly, painfully staring
at a painting breathe to life
watching every stroke
every layered undertone
to speak with
a thousand syllables
the frothy white seas,
I can almost taste
the salt in the breeze,
the cloudy heavy sky
I can almost feel
the chill of shoreline ice
it's almost like
reading book
or writing  poem,
using that jewel
of imagination
to fuel
my own redemption

we all break*
all misunderstood
only, we all have
*to find our glue

you see*
our hearts beat to
its own death
so why not make the best
of our flesh, bone, and soul
while we still have
the vigor to scale
the tallest mountains
so when we reach the peak
we can see all that we
*achieved

the crinkle of eyes
the trickle of meaning
lost behind intention

the aching of smiles
not knowing how to keep
the laughter within

the warmth of presence
the buzz of music
and rhythm of feet

the sensation of feeling
the pool of thoughts
like a fluttering dream

the pearly glint of  moon
the rustle of leaves
the last breath before

sleeping

two notes of laughter
interweave like stream water*
trickling and shimmering
two voices who
love one another

a companionship
which eludes my grasp
trembling and sinking
I stand feeling like
*an alien

keep me warm on this cold night
only, it'll take a while
for the ice in my hair
to melt away

Staring down at my two feet
I feel like I can't breathe
My hands numb from the pulsing sleet
I can't keep a quiet mind

Thoughts travel unorthodox
Stupid and ****** up
And as the music winds to a stop
I can't keep the tears
Rolling down from the top

Keep away, keep away
I try to say yet from what?
Hold on against the
Current of the mad fray

Hold on just for the moment
And the static relays
Buzzing in my head
Will eventually ebb away

to fall into gentleness
to speak with a look
to sink with
a cosmic stillness

I want to cry*
but I mustn't
because people will see
*and begin to wonder

simply, in my humble opinion
the old man said
you are not magnificent
with an odd twinkle
in his grey eyes
and his shot of white hair
glistening in the moonlight
yet I hold a compass, a pencil
and a mind to will
no, I said
I am only not
as such
to you