People live their whole lives in denial,
The influence that they have surrendered themselves too,
The wicked ways of desire,
Teardrops,
Trickling and splashing,
Moving and growing,
Consuming and consumed by the waves of my heart,
Silent tsunami raging and turning into a war inside,
So that a tilt of my head turns the rushing waters through my tear ducts,
I hold my head high,
For I may never make a move,
My chin must stay broad to the sun,
Never swivering my lips,
My jaw says speaking words of relief but they never find home,
They search forever,
The amazement of ability,
Concaved and twisted,
Thrown into the wind,
These morals that I used to sit on my shoulder,
The pedestal I sat on until reality,
Or a dangerous mockery of it kicked me off,
Now, this weight I feel on my back is crushing,
My stomach cramps,
My knees five out,
My spine cracking and I used everything I have,
To move forward,
To live in a vigorous tyrant,
Giant hole in the wall that my fist could not help but make,
The laws of gravity pulling me down,
Holding on, Crawling, Limping,
My willpower,
I whisper words,
"Let Go, even for a second, Let Go"
And so I do
My head hangs down and as it does
These tears apart of something more than anyone can see,
They fall onto my keyboard
Splashing the keys and sparking up,
Misguided, unworthy hope
Things might get better as I shoot you a text,
With no response to match it,
"Hi."

It’s so easy,
That’s a lie,
It’s easy to write about someone else,
To take away,
Ridicule or mock their story,
What happens when we relate,
Do we shun them,
Walk away, stab, tribute against them,
Broken,
Bruised,
Cursed,
Crossed,
Shaken,
Shot,
Stuck,
I’m stuck,
What can I say,
Their is nothing left of me,
Nothing but hate and anger,
Fire filling my lungs,
Smoke bursting from inside,
Everything is just fake,
A reality that is unworthy of me?,
I am stuck,
Stuck,
No movement just the constant questioning of my spirit,
The hunger and ache for knowledge,
Do you hear me?,
Can you see me?,
Are you stuck?,
In an endless spiral of nothing,
Searching for a familiar face,
Begging for love,
Begging for trust and kindness,
Yet denied by a those you love,
Do you know me?,
Do you understand me?,
You might know me better than my closest allies,
Does that make me wrong,
Because I am lonely,
A child in this old world,
Ruined in regret,
Suffering from an illness far from a vaccine,
A broken home without a chance of survival,
Find me,
Search for me in the faces you meet,
You’ll find me,
See me when you close your eyes,
You’ll know I am stuck,
Stuck in shame,
Stuck in lies,
I am stuck in confusion of the past,
Stuck.

I am not,
I am not the girl to sit,
I am not the girl to watch,
To pour my soul out to someone close to me,
I am not someone to glare,
To make unworthy those around me,
I am not,
For I am a girl who has fallen in love with a broken society,
A broken world that has become my living hell,
I am one to shake my head,
Like a fallen hypocrite to the shame that is settled in my face,
I pour my soul,
Only to strangers,
Hoping, praying, believing,
I may never see them again,
I am not the most lovable person,
I am not the perfect victim to evil tyrants,
I am not a sitting duck in the classic world of war,
As presented in the media,
I am a survivor to hate.
I am a warrior to the sexist nature presented,
I am a shadow built by conquest only seen by a native era,
I am not living in fear of what you may do,
Now that you have seen what is inside my brain,
That my soul has painted a picture od the defiant heart.
Raging pattern of terror inside my lungs,
Intoxicating the oxygen around me,
With a sick evil sense of arouse I feel having you near,
I am not one to hold those that I want,
I am not one to control my feelings,
How can I when I feel overwhelming waves of regret,
Knowing that I love someone who can never want me,
Who doesn't see my brain but my body,
Who loves me because I cannot help but make them feel wanted,
How can I stop myself from wanting you.

Because we are whole as children,
Because in purity we have not faced the cruel and unjust world that lies ahead,
Even as a child before the age of 2 or 3,
We may fall to the consequences of the people surrounding us,
Because before we cannot even speak,
We become heartbroken from the cruelty of this world,
WE cry with insanity,
WE cannot comprehend the extent of this madness we feel inside of ourselves,
Longing for freedom,
As we are restrained in chains that we do not even know,
We reality hits and we grow older,
We hide our imperfections,
Creating layers of lies that become a seal from the real world,
The heartbreak sinks in,
WE have no defense because nothing goes away,
We may say that we are fine, ignore it,
But the only reappear over time,
It is just now I am realizing the true influence of the world that has already be obscured,
The one that broke my parents,
My ancestors fell apart,
Because sometimes sickness is never cured,
When it starts from such a young age,
Although it is true we are born whole,
Sometimes there is no cure for a heartbroken child,
Sometimes the remedies we seek are only artificial,
They become disposable,
People become just a wasted dream,
A blurry memory and there is nothing we can do,
We can only pray for a child to grow from this,
Because we have not learned how yet,
This World is just one more broken child,
Fighting for freedom,
Fighting for a cause.

Who are we when we find a meaning in something that was so insignificant at first,
One little percentage yet we are part of it,
We act like we care but really who are we when we force ourselves to love,
How can you love like that,
You can't but you can try,
Make bad decisions that are now affecting you in a way you didn't think possible,
But it haunts you and you can feel the past gaining on you,
I think about all of the stuff I will never be able to explain,
I think about all the stuff that I am not allowed to think about,
I try to shackle myself to these boundaries because if I sacrifice my mind to the past,
I fall into a dark tunnel because of things that I will never as a person be able to comprehend mentally or physically,
They overwhelm me in depression because of the fact that they are true in themselves,
Truth most of us run from to find a superficial relief,
But it only seems to fade and hurts more when the truth does come around,
Truth is something that everyone struggles with because of the simple fact that it is true,
It cannot be turned around or confused or debated,
That can be the scariest part f dealing with love and truth,
Because sometimes they battle with no restraint,
Fight enough amongst themselves that you fade away,
They turn you mad and you begin to love out of the seeking of your heart for something other than this truth,
Because a lie is so much easier to deal with,

Truth, however, being fact becomes truly integrated into your mindset,
How you live, think, grow, speak,
Based off of this one part of your life that is put together by millions of trillions of strands,
What is your truth?

We come with different ties to severed emotions,
We run from ourselves in the midst of the energy we have created,
I find myself fallen in an array,
Watching and following with no sense of direction to pull me down in anyway,
Somehow I find it in you,
Somehow I feel guided to the light that is on you expression,
Falling with piercing sirens that try to wake me,
But this life seems to not only be a dream,
With a bitter voice whispering in my ear,
Forcing my soul the outer part of me,
Starring into my numb body,
Looking in my eyes for the answer that becomes crucial to this life,
Yet running for the words that seem to never come out,
Waiting for a look of guidance,
Questioning... if there is guidance in this life,
Who am I to look for it,
Who am I to want to maintain the source of power sent from generations,
Who am I to own that power and spread it amongst my children,
Who am I to stand in your way.