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Erika Skye Apr 2013
It's gone.
I don't know where it went, but somewhere down the line I lost it.
I saw you, and got to know you and my common sense left me.
I knew you weren't good for me.
Trust me I knew.
But I shut away my fears, and grasped onto this feeling of comfort and warmth.
I think I was falling for you.

It's gone.
I don't know where it went, but somewhere down the line I lost it.
You opened up to me, and I you, and my walls came down.
I knew you were going to hurt me.
Trust me I knew.
But I shut away my fears, and let you hold me and kiss me.
I think I was falling for you.

It's gone.
I don't know where it went, but somewhere down the line I lost it.
I thought about you all the time, and yearned to be with you, and my heart was in your hands.
I knew you were going to crush me.
Trust me I knew.
But I shut away my fears, and allowed it to happen.
I think I was falling for you.

You did everything I knew you would.
You weren't good for me, you hurt me, you crushed me.
I gave you almost every part of me, and you took it, making empty promises along the way.
And I held tight to those promises, for they were all I had to keep me sane.
Am I surprised you did this?
Part of me says yes, because I didn't want to believe you would.
Part of me says no. I was foolish and naive.
I fell too quickly and this is the what happened.
Erika Skye May 2013
Smell the fresh air.
Breathe in the crisp scent that is brought just after the rain,
And know that it is a new beginning.
Close your eyes to the wind.
Feel the breeze run fingers through your hair and caress your body,
And know that you remained pure.
Taste the salty tears.
Let them be the last ones that fall, but acknowledge their weight,
And know that this is a clean slate for you.

You cannot ignore what has happened, and you cannot close your heart to the things it feels,
But you can process them, absorb them, and start to break their hold on you.
The first step to healing yourself is a leap of faith,
So step off the ledge, breathe and just let it go.
Erika Skye Aug 2013
You cut off my senses.
When you embraced me, I smelt nothing through my bliss.
Now that the bliss is gone I smell your real scent; smoke and lies.
When I saw you, all I saw was happiness and maybe even love.
But now I see this pitiful person, who'd rather be false and unfaithful then be actually happy.
When you kissed me all I could taste was tenderness and something bittersweet and new.
Now, now those kisses are scarred in my memory. They truly tasted of cigarettes and manipulation.
When I heard your raspy voice, I got excited, with goosebumps all over my body.
Now those goosebumps have turned to a cold feeling of dread, because I hear you're around.
You made my senses dull, and pulled a shade over my common sense.
When I saw, heard, touched,  tasted, and smelled you, I wasn't really doing any of that.
You are a facade  of a person to the world, showing people what you think they want,
In order to get what you want.
You got me in so many ways, but thankfully not in the most important.
Erika Skye Oct 2012
My dream was there
I had it tight
It wouldn't falter
I'd get it right
But I let it slip
Through weakened hands
And what happened next
I can't understand
My wishes dashed
My hopes all fled
And all the dreams I had were dead
What happened to my iron fist
That hard resolve that must exist
Why did I trip along the way
What happened on the fateful day
My dream was there
I had it tight
But lost my edge
And lost the fight
Erika Skye Jul 2013
Breathe in, then breathe out again.
There's nothing that you could have done.
Now you know he's not the one.

Can't separate, so you can't hate.
The two are one in the same.
What you learned, you realized too late.
Now you feel different when you hear his name.

Tortured heart, and twisted mind.
The two don't go together.
To save the pieces of your shattered heart.
You have to leave him forever.

Flashes still come, from a long lost time,
When things were good and real.
But no matter how things used to be,
They can't change how you feel.

Day by day you start to feel much stronger,
You fight the visions and memories.
Another person will come along
Til then your pain will never truly ease
Erika Skye Apr 2013
I give people chances.
Some they deserve, some they definitely don't.
I want so very much to see the good in people.
I have to hold on to this hope that if you give people a chance,
They will rise up and meet your expectations.

With those expectations also comes disappointment.
The two go hand in hand in these situations,
But no matter how hurt I get from them,
I still hold on to this intense need.
This ardent hope, that somebody will surprise me
And show that humanity isn't lost.

There are good people in the world,
And there are also people who have goodness buried inside them.
All it takes is the right person to elicit the good from its hiding place.
What I have to accept is that most of the time I'm not that person.
I cannot change those of whom are not ready to change,
And not everyone who is lost, want to be found.
Erika Skye May 2013
No that's fine,
I didn't need my heart.
It was a nuisance that got in the way when it came time to make important decisions.
It was a screen, blurring my vision from what was really in front of me.
It was an impulse giver, whispering to my brain that what I felt was real and pure.
It was an alcoholic substance, intoxicating me into acting on things that I felt.
It was dead weight in my chest, making emotions feel ten times heavier than usual.
It was a cinder block tied to my feet, making it impossible to run away.
It was a hand around my throat, choking off my life breath.
It was a bruise, visible, and when struck, excruciating.
It was yours. All yours.
And you took it, dangled it in front of me, and made me watch while you burned it to ashes.
No really that's fine,
I didn't need it, and now it won't distract me from reality.
Erika Skye Jun 2013
Don't worry about me.
I'll find my dream,
In my own time,
At my own pace.
Don't dwell on it.
I can muddle through,
Search where I want,
Find my own place.

I can figure things out,
Don't doubt me and my abilities.
It's the love for that dream that keeps me sane.
Gives me the strength to journey on.
I can handle things alone.
Don't think I can't choose.
It's my gift of balance that drives me.
Gives me the wisdom to decipher right from wrong.

Pinky Promise.
I'll stop if I think I've gone too far.
You know me,
I can see when something doesn't fit.
Cross My Heart.
I'll give it up if it isn't right.
But I have to fight,
To take the leap and go for it.
Erika Skye Nov 2014
Isn't she wonderful?
With her dark round eyes, and her painted on smile?
Wearing her heart on her sleeve like a medal she's proud of.
A medal she's earned through battles and pain,
A medal that, though tarnished, bears her name.

What lurks behind that war paint on her face?
What feelings and emotions are masked with each
Brush stroke of blush and layer of mascara?
Is this warrior woman real?
Or a figment of her own imagination,
Fearlessly showing the world that she is strong
Enough to hide herself behind a facade?

When each day she gets up and garbs her skin
Does she know that the world will see her as complete?
A being that couldn't possibly be hurting on the inside.
A person who always has a smile on her face,
And joy filling her heart.
But what happens when the doors close?
When the makeup comes off and the close shed?
Is the heart on her sleeve still stitched to her skin?
Or does she shed it like the rest of her armor?

What does a warrior look like alone in her room?
Erika Skye May 2013
It's overwhelming.
This feeling that I get when I'm around you.
It's addicting, and consuming.
But it's also toxic.

I thought at first that these were good things,
But then I take a step back and dissect these words.
Overwhelming.
To be overpowered by something.
The weight of you in my life crushes me,
Destroys the spark that I have inside.
Addicting.
Your kisses and touch were something I was drawn to compulsively.
I abandoned parts of myself, because the others were devoted to you.
I was a ****** for your attention.
Consuming.
You devoured my common sense.
My time and thoughts have all been absorbed by you.
Even my dreams are defiled with your presence.
Toxic.
What you've done to me has taken hold of my heart.
It has the effect of poison, coursing through my blood,
Slowly corrupting every bit of me.

Love shouldn't be addicting.
It should fix, soothe, comfort.
It shouldn't alienate oneself from their heart.
It's a lesson I had to go through,
And while it hurt more than I thought I could bear,
Ever slowly I'm returning to who I was.
I've changed though.
That was inevitable,
For love, no matter how corrupting it is,
Changes you.
Erika Skye Apr 2013
Listening to "Give Me One Reason",
Trying not to be unreasonable.
I already punched an inanimate object today,
But that was understandable.

Now not only is my heart bruised,
But my knuckles are as well.
You lied to my face, again,
While putting me through hell.

I'm new to this poetry thing,
But I'm not sure how else to deal.
If I don't get some frustration out,
Well, how do my knuckles feel?

You weren't the guy I thought you were.
No, not in the least.
You ended up being a stranger.
Some pain-inflicting beast.

It isn't right what you do,
You take, and twist, and lie.
I think you enjoy the stories you spin,
I just can't imagine why.

I hope the next time you fall for someone
That they do the same to you.
That they're as heartless, careless, and cruel.
And rip your heart out too.
Erika Skye May 2013
The gentle pulse of a wave hits my feet as I stare out to sea.
The gray horizon is empty of ships or life.
As I sit there I wonder why my dreams keep taking me here.
I feel lonely, yet I accept it.
There is a certain peace here that my loneliness in reality lacks.
I don't think of you, just that I have no one.

I want to move.
To walk along the shore, or go into the warm water,
But I remain where I stand,
Allowing the waves to gently beat their heartbeat rhythm at my feet.
But it's then that I realize I'm not alone.
The ocean is my wordless companion, like a hand on my shoulder,
Telling me that I am strong enough, good enough,
I am enough.
Erika Skye Feb 2013
The gentle hum of the wind was my only companion,
As I sat in bed with a paperback molded to my hands.
Every so often the gentle whoosh of snow would distract me,
From the tale in far off lands.
But the book was an old friend,
I knew it better than any.
It was the story I often returned to,
When my needs or worries were many.
This time it was my heart,
That I needed to escape.
This book would be the quickest fix,
Well, at least better than tape.
I wanted to just get away,
From my feelings and my mind.
But sometimes longing doesn't like
To be left behind.
They couldn't help me, not this time,
To flee the world I knew.
Cuz every time I read his name,
Of course I think of you.
Erika Skye Jun 2013
Hallelujahs have turned.
Day into endless night.
Memories have spoiled.
Rid me of your sight.

Save me from this nightmare.
This thundercloud above.
I can't escape this anguish.
Still feel the aches of love.

Sad poems flow right through me.
They're like this bad disease.
They all reek of loneliness.
Though I write them with such ease.

Perhaps I am just waiting.
For someone new to come.
But until they show their face to me.
These saddened words will numb.
Erika Skye Apr 2013
I had a dream about you last night.
It made me scared to close my eyes again.

The dream was simple, but heart-wrenching.
You were the you I fell for.
Your smile made my heart flutter,
Your laugh made me join in,
Your words and hands felt right surrounding me.

I woke up to the same emptiness that I went to bed with.
I've been sleeping with a cave in my chest,
Wondering if I will ever see the light of day again.

I prefer reality though.

At least when I'm awake, I know what I feel is real,
However raw and awful the feeling is.
In dreams there is still this "other".
This sense that what I have won't last long.
That my hands aren't big enough to keep my heart
From spilling its life out into your hands.

These waves of pain and confusion are not something I'm used to.
My heart feels like a wall, holding back the angry sea as a storm comes in.
And with each break of the waves, my heart chips another piece.
Piece by piece, my heart is lost to the sea.
And isn't it funny how the sea is the same color as your eyes.
Erika Skye Apr 2013
I don't know what happened,
Or how I didn't see it,
But now that you mention it
I have to agree it
*****.

It feels like someone
Is constantly squeezing on my heart,
You took my world and tore it apart.
I love you.

Things happen for a reason,
I get what you're preaching,
But I can't combat this feeling.

Why'd it happen, and why couldn't I stop it.
I wish I could take it out and drop it.
Take it back, I don't want it.
Please.

You had no right.
You've no excuse.
But I'm not strong enough,
To cut you loose.

I regret nothing and everything
At the same time.
I wanted you,
To call you mine.

The beat of my heart falters
Because you've taken me and altered
Everything I wanted to stay sane.
There's nothing I can win,
There's nothing to gain.
I loved you, *and that's all that stays the same.
Erika Skye May 2013
My Ideal Man:

1. Watch nerdy movies with me, you'll get my heart quicker if you love Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, and superhero movies along with me.
2. Be a Bruins fan please. Or at least a hockey fan, but Bruins is preferable.
3. Be kind. Don't do things just for yourself. If you see someone struggling help them.
4. Be patient. My family and I are nuts, and I'm so sorry about that, but we love with our whole hearts, and you'll never find people who care for you more, or will do anything for you.
5. Tolerate my musical preferences. I listen to quite a wide range of music, so bear with me.
6. When I'm sick, just let me watch a Disney movie, give me space (because when I'm sick I feel far from pretty, and have a tendency to not want to be around people) and I will love you forever.
7. Have faith. You don't have to be ridiculously religious, but believe in heaven and God.
8. Please have a functioning moral compass.
9. Don't question the TV shows I watch. (Ex. Game of Thrones, Project Runway, Friends)
10. Have a good relationship with your parents and siblings.
11. Be a dog lover, I'm going to want dogs when I live with someone (and I'm so sorry we can only get hypoallergenic ones)
12. Accept the fact that I tell my mum almost everything. If I know, likely she will know unless you make it very apparent that you don't want anyone to know.
13. Don't lie. Just don't.
14. Don't cheat. That should be obvious, but I've been through it before and I don't think I could handle it again.
15. Yes I'm a child when it comes to the little things in life. I love ice cream sundaes, coloring, Spongebob, and most adolescent things. Let it be.
16. If you have something bothering you, talk to me. Communication is key and I can't read minds, no matter how hard I try.
17. Be able to laugh at yourself, I do all the time at myself because most of the time I know I'm foolish.
18. Never underestimate snuggling. Unless it's really hot out.
19. Be spontaneous. Lord knows sometimes I do some strange things for no reason, but as long as they bring joy to someone or yourself, then do it.
20. Love with your whole heart.
*growing list
Erika Skye May 2013
It's an unwanted return, this movie in my mind.
Some uncontrollable presence keeps hitting rewind, play, rewind, play,
On all of the memories that hurt me the most.

I wish I could take the remote and smash it,
Or give myself the Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind.
I don't want to be given these flashbacks to endure.

Yes, I was happy at those times,
Yes, they made my smile,
Yes, they made me laugh,
But now?

Now they are individual knives, stabbing me unexpectedly,
Without so much as a warning, or sign.
And I cannot protect myself from them.

There is no armor I can wear, or wall I can build to prevent them from coming at me.
And no matter how much I fight their power over me, they still make their way into my head,
Then puncture my heart, relentlessly.

Flashes of pictures, of tiny moments, of full-fledged memories course through me,
And I'm completely helpless, having to sit through their destruction.
Each touch, each kiss, each moment of happiness are before my eyes,
But what once was pure joy, has turned into sorrow.
And I have to sit there, paralyzed by the loss of such happiness and simplicity.
Erika Skye Sep 2013
Snip goes my heartstrings,
You cut them with your lies.
I didn't think you'd be the one
To cut me down to size.
You made me feel so small and lost,
Like I was nothing, worthless, used.
You took my love and poisoned it,
My heart has been abused.
Do you feel better about yourself
Now that I feel so wrong?
Was that your goal all this while
To bleed me to make you strong?
You still don't know just what you did
To my heart, my mind, my soul.
You lifted me up, then shot me down,
Your presence took its toll.
Now it's anger that I feel
When you avoid looking my way,
Because you'll never know or care to guess
At all I have to say.
Erika Skye Jun 2013
Give me that Eternal Sunshine, that comes with a hefty price.
Rid me of my memories with every single slice.
The ghost of your touch upon my skin drives my heart insane.
Just thinking of your tender lips, I wish I could abstain.

Stop haunting me with your blue eyes, you laugh, your voice, your smile.
I need to learn to shut you out, to empty every file.
Come peaceful mind and empty heart, your loving warm embrace,
Bring your numbing Novocaine and rid me of his brace.

Take all the things you did to me, the good, the bad, the lies.
Take back the time I gave to you, break all our ling'ring ties.
I think it might well **** me, to just forget your face,
But you're not the man I thought you were, so go ahead erase.

If I could choose I'd turn back time, and change the things I knew.
Like all the things I could avoid just by avoiding you.
You may have made me happy, when things were simple and right,
But I'm tired of this emptiness, this never ending night.

I need to feel the sun again, to be whole without a crack.
So hurry here, go'head begin to take the whole lot back.
I won't remember missing you, or the happiness I had.
I won't the recall those feelings, only purity will you add.
Erika Skye May 2013
I only miss you at night.
That's where the absence of your arm around me is painful.
Even the warmth of your body next to mine is gone.
That gentle glow of heat that pulsated off your body onto mine has left,
Leaving me cold with only blankets to wrap around me.
The simple pressure of your fingers locked with mine is gone as well,
Leaving behind empty spaces.

Empty.

You left holes in my life.
You ripped down the wall I had worked on for 20 years.

The comfort of that boundary around my heart crumbled when I met you,
And though it felt right when you were around,
Now that you're gone my heart is raw from exposure.
The hurt you've caused creates holes,
And I can't build up my wall fast enough to prevent them.

I miss you more than almost anything.
It's such a different sort of longing than what happens when you actually lose a loved one.
I didn't lose you, you pushed me away.
Even though you're alive, you've killed your presence in my life.
This yearning to have you back is pointless,
And yet night after night I find myself hungering to hold you.
But it's only at night.
That's when I miss you most.
Erika Skye May 2013
Dear Love,

Just show up. Make everything right again.

I know if you walked through that door and grabbed on to me, and held me tight I would melt in your arms. I would fist my hands into your shirt and hold on for dear life, knowing that if I let go my world would fall from beneath my feet. You haunt my every waking minute, and are in my dreams each night. I can't escape your face, or our memories, no matter what I do.
I tried your method, but the bottle only made things worse. I'm not able to let it erase things like you can.
I tried to get the tears out of my system, one good long cry usually fixes things, but one cry has turned into many.
Why couldn't you just let things be? We were heading to a place where we would both be extremely happy together, and I think you realized that and panicked. But why? Is it so wrong for you to be happy and content with life? Is happiness and love too hard for you? Or was it simpler? Was it just the fact that I wouldn't give you what you wanted because I wasn't ready, and you weren't willing to wait? Because if that's so, don't walk through that door. What you did hurt more than anything, but finding out that the reason you did it was because I wasn't worth the wait would be much worse.
I think I loved you, or was about to fall in love with you. This wouldn't hurt so much if I didn't feel something so strong for you.
I miss you, the old you. The one that promised to never hurt me. The one that did goofy, adorable things that got my heart each time. The one that said he cared for me, and wanted to be with me always. I miss that person. But are you even him? Or is the real you the one that shattered my heart? This not knowing thing is killing me. I want you back in my life, but only if you are the man I know you can be, otherwise I have to fight through this pain alone and get over you in time.

Yours Until Time Takes Its Toll-
Erika Skye Jun 2013
That feeling that you get when you drop the last bit of your ice cream cone.
When you think you lost your phone and it's in your back pocket.
When you simply can't find your glasses, which are on your head.
When you trip over a painted line.
When your bookmark falls out of your book.
When you think there's an extra step at the top of the stairs.
When you think there's an extra step at the bottom of the stairs.
When you conveniently keep hitting a newly formed bruise.
When you can't find a matching sock.
When you accidentally press send before you're ready.
When you break a hair tie.
When you step in a deceivingly large puddle.
When you get a paper cut.
When you scratch a CD/DVD.
When you sing along to a song you hate.
When someone steps on the back of your shoe.
When someone's tag is sticking out.
When someone's a loud chewer or chews with their mouth open.
When your hair blows around and gets stuck in your gum or chap stuff on your lips.
When you stain your clothes.
When you lose an earring.
When you run out of cream for your coffee.
When you get to E in your gas tank.
When you step in gum.
When you sit on hot leather seats.
When you sit on wicker furniture with shorts on.
When you get shampoo in your eye.
When the soap is so small it crumbles to pieces.
When no one refills the toilet paper.
When someone sticks the milk or juice back in the fridge with half a sip left.
When you can't for the life of you think of the name of something.
When you forget how to spell simple words.
When you have to walk barefoot on hot pavement.
When you get an awkward sun tan.
When you forget to reapply.
When you get fingerprints on your glasses.
When someone spoils a movie or TV show.
When your favorite character dies (love you Sirius).
When you have an itch with a cast on.
When you can't open a combination lock.
When you hear a mosquito in your ear.
When you drop your change everywhere.
When you smudge your nails right after painting them.
When the Bruins lose.
When the end of your jeans fray.
When you get hat head.
When you get shocked by inanimate objects or people.
When you (re)realize there will never be a new Harry Potter book.
When you have something stuck in your teeth.
When you can't fall asleep at night.
When you can't turn your mind off.
When your phone decides to shut itself off.
When you have a cord that just isn't long enough.
*When time after time I have to remind myself that you aren't who I thought you were.
Erika Skye Oct 2012
To wish, to dream, to hope, to fly
How far would you go to touch the sky
To never come down until you die
To wish, to dream, to hope, to fly
Erika Skye Apr 2013
Smells hold memories.
The scent of something can contain a bit of your heart,
And when your nose catches that scent, there is no stopping the flood that occurs.
Images, flashes of faces, of feelings, of warmth, hit you.
One by one they ***** your skin,
Giving your heart jolts that you weren't prepared for.

When we were together, I used to go to my room to sleep,
And sometimes I could still smell your cologne on my arms,
And it was a comfort I could fall asleep with.
A piece of you was with me in your absence,
Embracing me, and lulling me to sleep.

The smells are faint now.
I tried so hard to wash you out of my skin, my life, my clothes.
I didn't want that flash of pain to occur any more.
Putting on a sweatshirt, or jacket
Just to catch the scent of you caught in the threads,
Was slowly driving me mad.
Vs.
Erika Skye Apr 2013
Vs.
I have to believe that there's good in the world.
I have to.

But everything around me is trying to crush me.
My heart and my city get hit.

Where is the kindness?
Where is the beauty?
Where is the love?

What happened to chivalry, and honesty?
Why can't good shine through, outweigh the bad, destroy the evil?
When will good reign free, and the people who stand for it be happy?
I have to believe there is good in the world...
Otherwise what's the point?
Erika Skye Nov 2014
Someday it'll happen...
When you wish upon a star...
11:11...
I wish I may I wish I might...
Birthday wishes come true...right?

Each time I wish for the same thing.
I need that lovely dream that will bring Happiness and wholeness.
Be my chance, be my break.
And please don't be too long and take
My hopes away.
Run to me, dash my way,
And when you do I hope you'll stay.
Leave your mark upon my soul.
Let your wonder take its toll.
I wish I may I wish I might,
Breath life into my dream tonight.
Erika Skye May 2013
Your eyes are what caught mine when I first saw you.
Those never-ending oceans on your face.
I could swim forever, getting lost in their waves.

They were beyond hypnotizing, they were soul-capturing.
Sometimes I would catch myself leaning closer to you because I was caught in their pull,
And I would try to snap out of it, but end up gravitating to your gaze again.

How can such blue eyes burn like fire. It doesn't make any sense.
And yet each time you looked at me I was scorched by your stare,
Feeling my skin and heart melt like candle wax dripping helplessly down my body.

Eyes have always been a weakness for me, for they hold so many secrets.
All these emotions, and feelings, and riddles are right there in two portals of a person's soul.
However, your eyes were a lesson for me.

I thought that eyes were easily read, that I had the key to unlocking a person's true thoughts,
But yours threw me. You have the power to act like one emotion, but have an endless amount
Of others sealed away in the deep crevices of your heart and mind, unattainable to me.

Those eyes bewitched me, body and soul, mind and heart.
Before I knew it, I was too far gone, trapped in a storm,
When all I thought I was doing was wading in the calm waves.
Erika Skye Apr 2013
Bang.

Your indifference hits me like a bullet, straight to the heart.
I watched you pull the trigger with a smile on your face,
As if my coming pain simply couldn't make you happier.

It's not right how you used your words as weapons against me.
Each promise sprinkled down on me like rain,
But at the last second turned into acid, burning my skin.

Your presence, which was once a balm,
Numbing all the stress and confusion of the day,
Turned into fire, melting away all that I am.

It's funny how when you're able to take a step back,
You see all the things you pushed aside,
Because you so wanted things to turn out well.

All those red flags, telling you to escape,
Telling you to run away and never look back,
They were swept to the deep crevices of your mind.

But now I see things clearly.
I'm sitting on a battlefield, nursing my wounds,
Looking around at all the pieces of me you scattered across the ground.

And there you are, standing across the field,
With your back turned towards me,
And your weapons stained with every piece of me you took.

— The End —