You will never see this...

I laugh at myself for how silly this all seems.
Only just having met you weeks ago, you're all I think about.
I don't know why or how.
And honestly, it scares the living **** out of me.
I have never felt so compelled to be in the presence of
and get to know another human being until now.

I am not sure if it's because you remind of him..
That scares me too.
Tall with beautiful eyes and lips.
Long limbs that drape over me like a warm blanket.
Kissing the top of my head,
running your hands through my hair,
down my back.

I hope these feelings aren't a misinterpretation
but I want you.
I hope you take the risk.
I hope you want me too.

Thank God you will never see this...
I'd probably scare the **** out of you, too.

Hazy are my eyes
my lungs
my heart.  

I think about you day in
day out
every day.

Another drag of thick smoke fills my chest
my esophagus
my brain.

I can neither see to my left or to my right
due this heavy, smoky fog
that engulfs me.

I am choking
gasping
collapsing.

And you still aren't here.

I miss you.

I went hoping to feel you.  Encompassing me in the breeze,
Grazing my skin with the sun.
Memories surrounded me but I couldn't feel you.
Disappointment made a nest, he settled in the hole in my chest.
In retrospect, I know you were there.  Standing behind me as I sat on that cardboard box upon the hill.
Then came the rain.
A sprinkle at first, then fat, salty drops.  Standing there, eyes closed I begged to you let me feel you.
I didn't know then, but I saw you.  In the empty shells open, vulnerable in the sand.  I saw you in the green grass, dancing in the wind.  In the sky, a quick turning grey.  I saw you in the trees to my right and the small waves before me.  I saw you, love.

I miss you.

Trembling hands trace
The roughness of your face.
Across your eyes
Bluer than skies.

Trembling lips
Slide over the dips
Curves of my hips
Your trembling lips.

Across my breast
Your ardent breath
Trembling hands
Trembling lips
Over the dips, across my hips
Through my hair
Do you dare?

Trembling hands trace
The roughness of your face.
I want to feel
I wish you were real.