A haze.

I'm breathing so heavy.
My eyes are half shut.
Why are my legs so far away?
What is this creeping sensation,
Eating away at consciousness?

A blur.

The world is on mute.
I hear people talking, but they aren't saying anything.
I can hear myself talking, but I'm not saying anything.
Or am I saying things but not really talking?
I just don't know.

A glow.

I can perceive my condition.  Rationalize it.
Shunt my thoughts into a presupposed state.
I know what is weighing down upon my brain,
But the feeling is too fantastic to even begin to care.
Normally I'd be talking, but for once in my life...
I'm content to just listen.

A buzz.

I don't worry any more about what people think of it.
I am expanding my knowledge about reality,
Just by perceiving it differently.
Perhaps I am altering my mind, but I have to ask you,
Is any other form of learning anything else?
We are all modifying our minds, at all given times.
I consider it just a way of igniting that creative flame.

I am ******.

Phrases.
We speak in phrases.
Catch-phrases but never release phrases,
And phrases whose meaning are yet unknown.

When in Rome, you do as the Romans do.
Conquering, pillaging, living above the crowd,
Or something like that.
When asked what I mean by what I say,
I've long since learned to stop pretending,
That people will ever understand.

An ideology will forever only be as strong,
As the ideologues and the actions they make.
I dream of a world based in love,
Rather than the pain and suffering it sustains itself in.

Perhaps your entrance back into my life is convenient,
And even a bit over-expecting of me.
But it means a whole lot to me,
That the banner from which you ride forth,
Is white, bearing the mark of peace.
You approach with the intent of love.

Many people in this world expect protection,
From forces yet unseen.
I just as irrationally expect my actions to guide me.
But rather than leave it all to the feelings I hold,
I'm learning that a selfless love is all that will ever set me free.
You give me hope.

If it requires me to be patient,
I plan to see this one plan through.
For far too long I've been flaky,
And afraid to commit to challenges I don't yet understand.
So long as at the end of the day all that remains,
Is that I'll be there, holding your hand.

No explorer ever found anything new,
Until they took that very first step into the unknown.
You are the only person who has yet made me believe,
That blind faith is any kind of virtue.

I cannot help but notice
That I've been here before
Staring
Blankly
At the wide open door.

Your outline glowing
From light obscured
You drift so effortlessly
Out of silence procured
Only to say hello.

Your skin, like lilac
Tenderly inspiring bliss
I chase after
Only for you to leave me behind again.

In your eyes you conceal
A world full of wonder
Your greatest asset, your passion
Loving
Burning
Your fear will be torn asunder.

All I ask is for you to let go
To trust in the things that I know.
To consider all of the things I can bring
And to know that I will love you
More than anything.

Excuses
I've spent so much time living in excuses
Talking about love but thinking of uses
Dancing around the idea of understanding
But insisting, resisting, and being demanding
Nothing but excuses.

Adversity
For so long I've pretended to suffer adversity
Crushing, caving, into the depths of uncertainty
"You'll never leave this town"
"You'll never accomplish any of your dreams"
**** them.  How can anyone know the real me
More than I, the real me, know the real me?
I'll show them adversity.

Apathy
If I've ever known a greater pain it's a lack of accomplishment
Knowing you could have done better
But instead you're back in the lab wishing the way things could have been
I don't know if time passes us by, or
If we really just never found ourselves moving again
I think I know the future
Though I'm too afraid to realize it
But that will change.

Loneliness
If life were as simple as a computer interface
I could point at you and click
I could drag you into the recycling bin
And bring you back again
But life requires more than mouse and keyboard
It necessitates mistakes and learning from remorse
We learn through trial and error to separate truth from fiction
But my mistake has caused this painful interdiction
I will move on.

Resolution
Like everything we've ever learned in this short life
Our only opponent stares us straight in the mirror
Not one person is the master of my future
But my mind, and using it to see the world clearer
I will change the world.

I will change the world.

Tick.
Tock.
Tick.
Tock.

How many hours have passed?
She's taken a thousands breaths
On a couch in another room, another world.

I wonder what she dreams of.
Is she sad? Is she glad? Or is she mad?
Breathing alone never really told her tale.

Tick.
Tock.
Tick.
Tock.

It's getting late. Or is it getting early?
The hours are growing shorter before I must wake.
An insomniac's night quickly becomes light.

When you can't sleep, you aren't alone.
A million sounds normally tuned out become music.
A gentle cacophony against the light ambiance of machinery.

Tick.
Tock.
Tick.
Tock.

I've been trying to sleep for five hours.
Eighteen thousand moments of silence.
Eighteen thousand moments of reflection.

The sun is rising, and hopes of sleep are fading.
The world is waking, and I'm finally drifting.
My eyes are nearly shut, it is time for rest.

Tick.
Tock.
Tick.
Toc-

Alarm.

Time to do it all over again.

Hello one time lover.
The time sure has passed.
"How have you been? Where do you stay?" I am aghast.

How could it be that we've arrived at this day already?
Was it not enough to haunt me every day and every night?
I spent many hundreds of hours not sleeping over you.
Tossing, turning, and lamenting over what I now see is true.

Try as I may I don't see resolution near,
Face to face with reality, it's your arrival I fear.
What do you say to someone who can't possibly understand?
Do you ignore them? Hold them? Ask them for their hand?
Which choice will be worse; To act or not to act?

I suspect you've prepared yourself for this day, as have I.
Selfishly I'd like to believe you are as unsure and asking why.
There is a sense of terminality in the coming days,
As if the sun itself would stop burning and the stars lose their blaze.
No thing I say or do will change your mind,
And yet I still feel compelled to try.

People like to say that in ten years from now today won't matter.
I couldn't disagree more.
Ten years from now you won't be here to see what is in store.
I will be devoid of your companionship and understanding apprehension.
Your love and never ending empathetic comprehension.

I cannot change the way the wind blows,
Nor can I prevent the way you come and go.
The world has changed, but one things remains still.
I loved you then, I love you now, and I always will.

Goodbye one time lover.
Like grasping sand, herding cats, and bottling a storm,
You continue to evade my grasp.

Everything burns, nobody makes it out alive,
And above all, this feeling will pass.

I hope.

My name is peculiar and I hide in plain sight
Behaviors irregular, thoughts full of fright
Concealed with nothingness I do declare
That little concerns me but my cold blank stare.
I hide in plain sight.

Few would acknowledge this out of place modality
Yet even fewer would accept the beauty of reality
Pleasant notions press upon my mind
Of a denial of living I've long left behind.
I hide in plain sight.

I watch the crowd so easily blame the frailty
Of the human condition of their own false morality
They blame the future for the past's transgressions
In a logic I've discarded since my own adolescence.
I hide in plain sight.

Marching onward they trumpet their cause
Beating their drums and judging without pause
To challenge them is to draw out their repulsions
A set of reactions that amount to little but convulsions
I hide in plain sight.

I dream of a world ruled not by hate but by love
Without reliance upon the sanction of one above
A land in which the pursuit of truth prevails
And honest expression of discourse unveils, that
I hide in plain sight.