it seems as though once you feel like your life is perfect and for once everything is going great
that eventually that all just fades away
you begin to realize all of the faults and flaws in your life
that you still are that terrible, broken person you were two years ago
I feel lost and confused
my head races with painful words
I've always wished to be someone that I am not
where I have a wonderful life that brings no torture to my mind
where I have friends and people who care when I'm down
where I don't have mental illnesses that affect my everyday life
where for once I can be happy all year and not just a day out of the month
every agonizing feeling takes complete control of my body and I can never feel myself again until a horrible breakdown occurs and I heal in three days
none of this makes sense
I can't even write anymore
I am good for n o t h i n g

I sometimes hope the person driving will swerve into the wrong lane
I've always wanted to feel like I was being set free
Sitting in the passenger seat imagining what it would be like if I never wore my seat belt again
Coming through the windshield
The oncoming traffic doesn't stop
My body lifeless but my mind free
The sound of the sirens grow stronger as my breathing becomes weaker
I've got three weeks left to live due to my severe injuries
Why not just put me out of my misery
Now

Now

Now

Feeling trapped inside my mind.
My head full of demons.
Unwanted.
Unneeded.
Worthless.
Useless.
No good.
A joke.
Worn out.
Can't seem to catch my breath.
Wanting to cry, but can't seem to find the tears I was drowning in.
What happened to how it used to be?
Where do we go from here?
How can I continue to go on like this…
Abandoned and confused.
Help.

Help.

Help.

I remember feeling lost, empty, and alone all at once.
Wishing the day would come to an end.
Hoping you'd come back to me.
Where does it go from here?
How do I move on?
Knowing you were gone before the blink of an eye.
I've been afraid because lately I haven't been myself.
I'm not sure who I even am anymore.
Nothing has changed nor has gotten any better.
I just keep seeing you there, in my head.
Hoping that I had more time, but you already left.
Feeling guilty because I was distant before you passed.
No one around has helped me, feeling hopeless.
Feeling numb.
Looking for the sun, but I can no longer feel it anymore.
I can't see happiness anymore.
Unusual images and visions.
Careless.
No more laughter.
Darkness.
My mind has wondered with no intention of coming back.
Full of emotion AND emotionless.
Still lost, empty, and alone.. All at once.
And there is no coming back from here.

I'm living rent free inside your mind
asking why you don't miss me
you're scratching
aching
trying to get me out

I show up in your mind
you blink trying to make me fade away
I'm whispering questions
wondering why you stopped loving me when we never wanted to end up this way

I've sunk into your skin
every time she kisses you where I did you still feel the tingle I left
when she touches you there isn't a spot that doesn't burn from me

I've made a bed inside your chest
each time she lays on you she doesn't hear your heartbeat
she hears mine
simply because that is the only tune I ever sung to you

I cursed your nose
I soaked your bed sheets with my perfume
your bathroom never ceases to lose my scent
both side of your pillows have my breath melted into them

I hope you still taste me
you can't escape me like you want to