Taylor,
I wish that you could see yourself the way I see you. When you look at yourself, you see your mistakes, your past, your body, etc. You see a guy who strives so hard to be the hero but the cape never quite seemed to fit. And you felt like you could never win, never make everyone happy while at a disregard for your own well-being. You let the things that you’ve been told your whole left take root in your brain and grow into something parasitic. Something crippling and I swear to god when you reflect on yourself you must be seeing the image in a shattered mirror. You look at your body like it’s the remnants of a house. All scrap metal and broken wood. But you are more than stray debris from the hurricane that has been life misfortune placed on you. You are something amazing and unusual, unlike anyone else on this earth. You miss the small things that make you, you. The small freckles on your ears and arms, tiny kisses from the sun, like the universes promise that you are loved. The sun glinting in those beautiful blue eyes, (or green as you’ve told me a million times). The small crinkles around them as you smile, warming my heart and the whole room. Perfect porcelain teeth and a smile as striking and wide as the sea itself, and holds about as much as beauty and life as the Pacific, I swear. I see you in everything around me. I see you in the warm light that drifts in through my blinds in the morning, when I’m wishing you were next to me. In the steam of a hot drink and the first cigarette of the day. Street lights reflecting on cars, small animals, early morning breakfasts- sipping coffee in that little booth, and all those small things that make life worth getting up in the morning. You make my life worth getting up in the morning. No matter how depressed or tired or greasy or ***** I will always find my way back home to your bed. Back to you.
The long story short of this letter is that you are much more than you seem. You are more than the mistakes of your past or the parts of your body you hate. When I see you I see a kind man. I see intelligence and caring and protectiveness. I’m not going to sit here and patronize you and act like you are without flaws, but who isn’t? No one is without flaw and I still love every one of yours. Every part of you. I fell in love with you for your soul and the heart pumping under your ribcage.
You’re only 19 my love. Things won’t be this ******* you forever. All these beating waves are shaping and smoothing the way for something great, I promise.
I love you Taylor James.