I want to learn how
you disappear mid-thought,
just so I can leave little things
you’ll find when you come back.

I want to notice how your eyes wander
when the world gets too loud
and quietly offer a better view
—maybe me.

Not in a grand gesture—
just the way a kettle hums before
you realise you needed tea. (Or company.)

You don’t have to ask.
You don’t owe me anything.
But if you let me,

I’ll be there—
steady, like attention that
shows up with snacks

and maybe a compliment
you weren’t expecting.

you're not greedy
keep the peices folded
its okay
that you want to
be seen.
is it okay
that i see you?

He writes like dusk— soft,
a little golden,
never asking to be noticed.
Seventeen,
he shapes monsoon melodies  
into paper birds.  
I read between his lines,  
smiling at secrets  
he doesn’t know I keep.

for expressing, for being honest.
Your words meant more
than you might know—
thank you for trusting me
with them.

I know you’re not
ready to talk about everything,
and that’s okay.
You don’t owe me clarity
before it’s ready to arrive.

Just know: I’m here.
No pressure, no expectations.
I care about you,
and I’ll keep showing up in quiet ways—
poems, messages, whatever feels gentle.

You’re not alone in the heavy stuff,
even if you carry it silently.

And if someday you want to share more,
I’ll be listening.
Until then,
I’ll keep sending words that
I hope feel like warmth.

i'm scared of
direct conversation
i don't know if
i told you that

so heres the conversation
i wish i could have

i wonder
if the way i might feel
scares you
like it scares me

i can't exactly ask
if its okay
that i want to
call you pretty
(but is it?)

or if i can flirt,
in the subtle way
i have

or if you'd find it witty

honestly,
the way i want to be
honest
scares me

i don't want to say
too much
or pressure you
because

you've had too
much of that
already

i just want to know
if this could be
something that

i can wish for
subtly

again, i must shout from the rooftops
that it's okay
not to know
or want

these really are just questions
floating around without
a home

you don't need to catch them
although
a poem would be nice

i don't want to ruin our
friendship
because
i know i might

You ask if I see you—
not the version I’ve imagined,

but the one who hesitates
before naming what she feels.

I see the quiet questions
you carry like folded notes
tucked behind your ribs,
half-written, half-known.

You say you’re not a good person,
but I’ve watched you care
in ways that don’t ask for credit—
just closeness.

I don’t need you certain.
I don’t need you defined.
I just need you honest—
and you already are.

So yes, I see you.
Not as perfect,
but as someone I’d stay for,
even in the spaces
you’re still learning to name.

would i ever dream
of telling you who to be
well, the answer is never
to that one, dear

i'll be here
in any way you need
whether i can gather the courage
to start a spark

yourself is you
i hope you can bloom
whether that is in my direction
or not,
i'll be here
your friend

you're worth staying for

I write like I’m whispering to someone who might never hear it— but maybe would understand.

Some lines feel like glances, some stanzas like almosts. I tuck metaphors into corners hoping someone curious might find them.

There’s no name in this poem, but if you read it twice, you might wonder if it’s yours.

i am panicking
that i've scared someone away
by being too honest
but thats okay
no pressure
i'm just throwing out messy lines
no grand declarations
i want to know you first
anyway

i ask for an answer
i practically implore
this is a nudge
bright as the spots of color
on my cheeks
when you trust me
grinning like a fool
i nudge you to answer

you'll look down on me
won't you honey?
i'll see you in the clouds
in the sunsets and fields
in battered tennis *****
sure you had your moments
sausage rolls were never safe
you loved yum yums
i know, you werent meant to
eat them
but i couldnt deny anything
to my favourite girl
tiny little staffy
beautiful, brindle puppy
even if you werent a baby
you were
always to me
my best friend

i was a girl
who people crushed on
i wish i was a girl
girls wanted
i wish
anyone wanted to be with
little old me
i wish i had the strength to ask
if she's bi
or to tell her to read my poems
awfully carefully
(she's not over him)
(i'm not over him)
(i'm under her gaze)
i wish she'd pull me in
with the same intensity
she pushes him away
i wish she'd text me
just one more time
push away the problems
the rumors and
time-zones
and see that i am
me

you'll look down on me
won't you honey?
i'll see you in the clouds
in the sunsets and fields
in battered tennis *****
sure you had your moments
sausage rolls were never safe
you loved yum yums
i know, you werent meant to
eat them
but i couldnt deny anything
to my favourite girl
tiny little staffy
beautiful, brindle puppy
even if you werent a baby
you were
always to me
my best friend

puppy she was
even at 17

friendly as could be
not fair she's gone
not right

i'll miss my princess
as beautiful as can be

she's strong,
she's smart
she's funny
she won't admit it
so i will
spider string the words
to her broken heart
the best
a British girl can
someone she considers her friend
i do wish we spoke more
i wish a lot of things
not all can be spoken
though i wish i had the words to

stage 5 kidney disease
left ventricular heart disease
diabetes
they say you're dying
mother
i say i'm dying too
fractured mirrors
smashed glass
my hair in your fist.
yet
i love you
even now
after all the poison and the enabling
you can't go
not yet

huh
thank you
is all i can say
for not being dead, L
funny how i have no one
but here, i have someone,
time zones
at least i can hide
the awful person i am
i am tired, tired, tired
i wake up
go to school
repeat
i hurt
wanna rip the doors from this place
but i smile when i think
someone else sees my pain
you ask why
i want to tell you everything
how
there was one man of so many
that tore me, took the life right out of me
he's in prison now
1 year on saturday
6 more to go
he was 36, i 14.
i struggle with guilt
the blame lay on me
and theres the other one
yes, it was wrong
he was 27, i 13.
it'll be two years  
since i messaged him last
that is why i hold out my hand
but cringe when you take it
there is my confession
written from my veins
blood on a  sharpener blade
tell me why you reach for mine
i'll stay like the roots of a tree

tried to fall into forever black
woke up this morning, cold
tired, face pale,
eyes dead
the blood on my arm
i'll sort that out once i
get up
in 2 hours
because its
a solid reminder
that no matter how hard i try
i cant even die right
i will never be free
never be able to cut the poison out of me

a poem
see me
somebody, anybody
take these thoughts out my head
please
i have no one left
i plead.

no one likes me
not a single soul
minus that creep at the bus stop
leering.
no one wants me
no one at all

can't tell
really,
if it was,
the wound is written
i will stop dragging his name into your mouth
i'm sorry
to salt your scars
i don't know how to stop
his name from escaping
like a swear word in front of a child
oh god
i hope it wasn't about me
i need someone to be real
i need someone to like me
even if they don't know me

gone and deleted his account.
abandoned me
yet again
what about me
makes me so un-lovable?
because boys don't want this
only the ***** men do.

good.
i hope it hurts,
i hope the way you abandoned and cheated on me stung.
i hope you never find a girl again
i hate you

i'm sorry.
its my fault for falling into a boy who knew he could use me
did you say, sean, that you'd leave me for her?
i hope she leaves you,
stay single, stop acting like a victim
you have broken me.
i hate you for what you did
but i miss you like a little kid

Message me
(i did)
Spam me
(i tried, you got tired)
Let me know about your day
(i can't, you hide)
I can’t get enough of what you have to say
(but you did, how'd you fit all of us in?)

Don’t stop now
(why? ego boost for you)
You’d make me frown
(you made me cry, eye for an eye)
Or would you
(i thought the same.)
Considering you make me anew
(so do the others, according to you)

Anyway
I want to hear all the words you can say
(you didnt)
In every combination
Even about tariffs and inflation!

Don’t stop now
(you stopped me living)
You make me proud-
(proud to have broken 3 hearts in 2 weeks)
Proud to be the music boy-
(you play with hearts awfully by the way)
Proud to be YOUR music boy
(you're not mine)

if this is how you treat those who love you
3 of us (maybe more when those i ask reply)
its Russian roulette
as to who you break first

but i was the first to reach out
(i'm tying a rope of words)
around my own neck
if you reply,
(please reply i miss you, i miss you, i miss you,)
don't try to lie
(i'd fall back into your fantasy,)
the one that lines my tears and heart
i am a weak woman
you can walk all over me,
i'll pretend not to notice the fact
(i am the other woman)
**** me off
tell them i'm crazy
(tell them i'm no one)
im fine with being no one
i am no-one
but the other woman
to you

lie to my face
with those smiling eyes
my foster mum called me crazy
told me i was borderlining on stalker
called me schitzo
(i wanted to punch her, rip her smug face away from her skull)
i tried to explain that
no i don't care
at least, i didnt until
i found out
you were talking to another one
a girl messaged me,
prettier,
looked like someone else
i realize i'm not your type
i read her poems and
they were about you
and i want to cry
how dare i trust you
how dare i trust anyone now
i knew i was too much
but
i didnt expect knowing to hurt this much

"Don’t hurt her
She’s the one person here undeserving of pain
Not now, not ever, certainly not like this"
(shut up.)
5 days later
you left as though i was nothing
it hurts, I'm hurt, i hate you,
(i'd let you come back if you wanted)
you turned to your ex and told her
(the day you slammed the door
with my hand lodged firmly in it)
you hated being mad at each other
the way you asked her not to hurt me
then hurt me more than anything

leaving me like this
leaving and then blocking me
how dare you say i fixed you
only to drain me of everything

oh i look alive sure
i should do
but i am a blur
of high and not being
sober
i refuse to exist sober
aerosol and ****
food is scarce
i never feel like eating
i want to curl up and cry
anytime, all the time
nothing matters
not me
not the ghost of him
not the ghost of all my sins
nothing matters but the up
smoking and huffing and cutting and crying
laughing and smiling like it does
when your watching them
knowing their watching you
destroying yourself

once upon a time,
a man called daniel
rented a room in a street
near a town,
where my feet struck pavement
a lot of my life
daniel and me,
we met in a pub,
on a warm
july night
he took me home
filled me with charm
kissed me under a bridge
daniel was older than me
by 22 years
knew where his hands wandered
knew i was 14 and an addict
oh his mouth said all kinds of filthy things
while he held me down
and i went back
and i want his mouth off my skin
his fingers and everything else

oh this may be a blip
in judgement, a bad error
the darkness is swallowing me
i found you on here again
i'm a great person
after all
but
it is dark inside here
my mind, i mean
the candles snuffed, bulbs burst,
i want to turn the lights on
oh i knew i was a rebound
didn't know thatd hurt like this.
i am following the darkness
that i shouldn't have been in

miss me,
think of me at 3am
of how you said you wouldn't
leave
but what did i expect
with your words
clearly faker than you
nothing about us was real.
i see that she was right now
post-you is awful