The older I get
the less I search for

truth

because these days
a white face and honking nose

work for me

it's the simple and absurd things
in this life

that are all I need

you'll look down on me
won't you honey?
i'll see you in the clouds
in the sunsets and fields
in battered tennis *****
sure you had your moments
sausage rolls were never safe
you loved yum yums
i know, you werent meant to
eat them
but i couldnt deny anything
to my favourite girl
tiny little staffy
beautiful, brindle puppy
even if you werent a baby
you were
always to me
my best friend

puppy she was
even at 17

friendly as could be
not fair she's gone
not right

i'll miss my princess
as beautiful as can be

she's strong,
she's smart
she's funny
she won't admit it
so i will
spider string the words
to her broken heart
the best
a British girl can
someone she considers her friend
i do wish we spoke more
i wish a lot of things
not all can be spoken
though i wish i had the words to

You are beautiful,
You are smart,
You are funny,
You are brilliant,
You are, you are, you are.

stage 5 kidney disease
left ventricular heart disease
diabetes
they say you're dying
mother
i say i'm dying too
fractured mirrors
smashed glass
my hair in your fist.
yet
i love you
even now
after all the poison and the enabling
you can't go
not yet

huh
thank you
is all i can say
for not being dead, L
funny how i have no one
but here, i have someone,
time zones
at least i can hide
the awful person i am
i am tired, tired, tired
i wake up
go to school
repeat
i hurt
wanna rip the doors from this place
but i smile when i think
someone else sees my pain
you ask why
i want to tell you everything
how
there was one man of so many
that tore me, took the life right out of me
he's in prison now
1 year on saturday
6 more to go
he was 36, i 14.
i struggle with guilt
the blame lay on me
and theres the other one
yes, it was wrong
he was 27, i 13.
it'll be two years  
since i messaged him last
that is why i hold out my hand
but cringe when you take it
there is my confession
written from my veins
blood on a  sharpener blade
tell me why you reach for mine
i'll stay like the roots of a tree