my head is being pushed into water by sets of hands. sometimes the water  finds its way into my tear ducts. sometimes into my lungs.

the hands never identify themselves. but sometimes when i wiggle my fingers, my head itches.

I became so contempt
with watching the performance
that I forgot my cue.

The show went on.

The way I feel about you terrifies me.
I have never felt this way before and I don't know that I can let myself, that I even want to feel like this. All I know is you are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen and I think I need you in my life more than I want you there.

We lost ourselves in each other.
I can't stand on your two feet anymore and I can feel your heartbeat clearly.
Do you feel mine?
Because I don't remember breathing.

you, my love, are both.
both the warrior and the healer.
both the scholar and the giggles.
both the smile and the voice.
both the dreamer and the work.
both the sister and the friend.

you, my dear, are and.
sweet and fire and
daring and soft and poems
and rain and lightning and
sunshine and brave
and shy and quiet and
booming and stubborn
and red and lively and
blue and burning.

you, my sister, are not everything.
but anything.

5 years you stayed until it was too much
4 times you scratched through the surface.
3 nights you cannot clearly remember.
2 fingers still bleed when they touch paper.
1 letter he will never read, because you never wrote it down.

You don't seem to care at all
and that calms and terrifies me.
Read your old obituaries
Slowly and softly to lull me
Into believing you are safe.