if energy cannot be destroyed or created,
than we have always existed
and we will always exist.

this is both a comforting and terrifying understanding of forever.

Stop lying and admit
That you are gone.
you've been gone for
Some time now.
And I'm not convinced
That you will ever come
Back for me.

You left me to the lion
And lioness. They were
Hungrier than we ever
Could've imagined.

All that is left of me is
My skeleton that got
Stuck in their teeth.

I cannot listen to voicemails
Without picturing you dead
In your parents house.

I can't look at the bay
Without feeling my stomach
Drop and churn.

My heart races whenever
I hear a police car or ambulance
Drive near.

I am sorry that I cannot
See a movie or get pizza.

I have grieved you once before.

I don't think I can survive
grieving twice.

I can't be the star that
your wishes ride on,
I'm trying to illuminate
enough light to keep myself
burning.

when you text me thank you
and I type anytime,
know I truly mean it.

anytime, anywhere, anything.
no matter what.
i'd do it all for you.

It is so dark. I do not remember who turned off the lights, but I wish they hadn’t. The darkness is in full control of the situation. It holds me here, silent and awake. I have now listened to her sob heavily into her pillow for what seems like hours. At one point she would have hidden that from me, tried harder to muffle the sound. We are past that point. Through her tears we are both drowning.

i awoke choking on your t-shirt collar.
sand and confusion laid grainy
in the roots of my hair.

in the daylight i am headstrong and firm in my beliefs,
but when the moon is overhead
i awake with a guilty conscience.

i can never shampoo enough.