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Dec 2013 · 1.0k
Dissolved into Fire
Emily Jones Dec 2013
I see fire
Inside your soul
The ache of distances
Bleeding passion into movement
The wide eyed terror of not
Being there
To see you wake
To share the shaking agony of lonely
Longing to taste your breath

The night burns with the smolder
Of your love
Raw skin
Relishing the intensity of devotion
Of lost time
Shaking on the afterglow of starlight
Disolving me once more
Glazed eyed and clinging
Clenching the stuttering maddness that has possessed my heart.
Only to have you fall

Leaving you behind
The night chokes my breath
And I drown in the wake of fear

Breaking heart to the shadow of chilled sheets
****** to dream of love
To hear the tinkling laughter of memory
Where you walk
Standing in all your glory arms open
Lips cracking that ****** cocky smile
That brings me to my knees

I fall into the flame
Of resentment
I hate you
Just a little in your ability
To smite me with love
To shake me down to the echoing void
Where all I feel is the loss of you
It eats away the corner of my sanity

******
I can't think without the your image
Name or memory
Touching the most intimate integral parts
The bits that are hidden from the main line thought process
You infect me with love
And hang me

With my own hands on the despair of absence
Where I would do anything
Say anything
Take anything
To touch
Hear
Or be
Where you are.

You wreck me
Running headlong
Into the wall
Dec 2013 · 396
Untitled
Emily Jones Dec 2013
Crackling static of needle on black
Trippe melody of Floyd rolling out
Smooth and wild
The chill of liquor
Biting the back of my throat
With cold and sting
The screen white
Tapping keys
Rapid Fire

Finals creeping closer
Deadlines speeding
In front of blood shot eyes
This is my peace
Against the storm

Vinyl and liquor there have been worse.
Nov 2013 · 446
Untitled
Emily Jones Nov 2013
For all your intellegence
You are ignorant
Speaking from a position that
Finds its footing in false Gods
And the reversion of faith
How you gladly slaughter religions
Whom don't speak towards your grand morality
Because like a child you hate
What bred you
Murdering God with your righteous fury

Scorned injustly by a few
Who claim to uphold something beyond themsleves
Speaking like a sage the words of a wisdom you do not understand
Or could possibly embody
Your hate, fury and dogmatic refusal to see anything
Good that doesn't fit your dated
Greek mentality
Of which you in your ignorance
Have no leg to stand upon

Do not with your pious
Bigotted bile rail against something in which you do not know
Do not claim knowledge
When you a child
No not what you speak
A fool
You become
A
****** fool

More ignorant by your expression of opinon
Because you know not what all goes into
The reasoning
The why
The how come

You become what you so decidedly hate
That overly righteous
This is the way of the world
I AM GOD
Mentality consumes you
Becomes you
The mask of radical minded beauty
Comes off
What a sick creature you are
To see the Good
And know its name
But not what it is

Your ignorance blinds you
But your pride makes you a fool.
Nov 2013 · 950
Bowtie's and Fob Watches
Emily Jones Nov 2013
Liken to the sun in the middle of my universe
You reach me across the expansion
Pulling me away from the edge
The teetering tower
Shaking, creaking
Whirring back and forth

Streaming like my consciousness into the void
That the self has become
But I had let you go
Like so many others before

You fall back into your life to live
While I wander out here
Existing
Devoid of the limitations that are set out by mortality
Dieing a deathless death

With each heart beat
That echo's
Passing me by I become
Godly
Always outside of the world I so long to be apart of
A physician of the soul
To a man with many faces, and his "Wibbly Wobbly Timey Whimey" device.
Nov 2013 · 505
Holidays
Emily Jones Nov 2013
It comes ringing jingling
And ring-ting-tingling
The holidays

Creeping up so fast all you can do
Is watch
In horror
As the warm fuzzy feelings of wanting to
Be with someone
Anyone
Family
Friends
Lovers
The need to be loved
Sprinkled like sugar on everything
The holidays make people needy
Nov 2013 · 431
Untitled
Emily Jones Nov 2013
You held me
While the wind played its sorrow
Wailing desperately against the window side
Yelling its hollowed sound vibrating the pane
Expressing the turmoil of weathered scorn
Like a child tantrum that I wish I could feel
Fall lamenting the passing of time
Bought at high cost
Hours covetted for the comfort it brought
Images
The salt of sweat
Dragging me across the bed
Hot hands on heated skin

The feel of your breath against my nape
Sensitive ears swept by the cascade of sensation
Your touch shaking me awake
Aware of the placement of hands
Holding me hostage
Stern grip in sleep
As if I would disapear
**** out of existance
Dull creaking of joints locked

Head suspended on the rise
Of your chest
Sleepily
Running my lips across your brow
Pink nails running across black hair
Trying for quiet tears
How I have missed you
So full of elation I might
Dissolve into nothing
Nov 2013 · 505
Here We go Again...
Emily Jones Nov 2013
Eyes go dry staring at the black letters
Streaming across the white glaring edge of blank space
Filling up margins with contemplative speculation
Another theory
Another world view down
Peering down the mind of thinker long dead
And ideology long forgotten in the common consciousness of man

The heated whirring of computed fan
Making fingertips warm with the *******
Streaming off the tips of meated flesh
Vomiting regurgitated digested language and reasoning’s
Spoon-fed to the infant mind for four months
The final tick-tacking of keys
Setting in stone the effort and money of another semester spent
Steam rising off the cranium
The sizzle of taxed mind and drooping eye

Fascinated still by information that I'm too **** tired to process
Another semester down
Major coming into focus.
Nov 2013 · 664
Loud Noises
Emily Jones Nov 2013
You hear them
Benieth some shadow of movement
Muffled madness spreading
Like an infestation
Gagging on their laughter

Lifting fist nodding indignation
I felt like 60 instead of 20
Nov 2013 · 554
Will you still love me?
Emily Jones Nov 2013
Will you still love me?
When I am no longer vibrant
With the contengency of my youth
When my soul is laden with the suffering of a lifetime
Will you hold me?
Kiss away the pain of my heart
When the world betray's me
And my own heart denies me enterance into the realm of forgiveness

Will you still love me?
When my lips thin
No longer plump with the pouting potential of 21
When my blue eyes no longer spark with the reflecting depth of laughter
When age takes my skin into itself and adds new plains to my profile
Will you still see me?
Inside a body that shifts with the experiences that define it
When the shell that was once so vocal is quiet
When I revert inside my mind to find the answers to the world
Instead of forge a new path
When I travel a road long worn by the pads of my feet that I know it by memory
As I know you

Will you still love me?
When the ring on my finger no longer fits
Having loss the thickness of supple skin
Will you still love me?
When I can no longer grant life
When children sing no more lullaby's in their small voices
Can you still love me?
When nights grow colder
And the stories I tell you grow together
Weaving the tale of your life into a glorious creshendo
That words fail and you are brought to tears
By the essence of my love.

I will still love you
No matter how you change
I will see the young man with his wide eyed wonder
I will love the gentle expressions of your self when they change as we all do
There will be no faulter in my steady step as I hold your hand

Help you off the ground
Steady your shaking feet
Planting firm roots beneath you
When everything else is meant to fall
I will see you despite it all.
Nov 2013 · 1.2k
I am young but old.
Emily Jones Nov 2013
I am young but old
Not chasing the singing dragon out into the night
Dumping the dragging lull of liquor into my being
Like it will fill the cracks in my psyche
Thwart the emerging of my being like some slick spector in the recess of my mind
Gobbling up my intellect one atom at a time

Relevant only to the tantilzing beat of the bass
The ghetto melody making me elated to the fact that
A white hick hippy want-to-be can never be a ****
I am young
With the knowledge that time is in my favor
Wild wanton ways of youth touch my limbs with excitement
Too much drugs and drunkin dancing in the streets of small time city lights

Where I float on the blissful bubbling blunders of slurred words
And harmless touching that we all know means more than the numbing
Fuzzy fingers of inhibitors want us to believe
I am young

But I grow old
With the acheing feel of gritty mornings
Class time drool-drolling onward towards the final accumulation
Of my efforts
How the liberation of my mind feels fresh and shiney
But at once I feel a regress into old thoughts old beliefs and the worn out mentality of those older
I am old

In that my soul longs for the love that it is denied
Beaten down by the distance that holds it hostage
My tendancy to find rust and petinal signs of age beautiful
Long talks with my mother give me joy
I am old
In that I taste the test of time and see wonder in the generations past
Hoping for the sweet lull of a good nights sleep

Feeling and emoting a progressive approach to a dieing dicotomy
Loving
  Hating
   Saddended by things that will never change
I am growing receeding and more importantly changing
Looking to renew the implications of the word normal
But above all the old
The young, fresh and vibrant
I will forever more be
And always be me.
Nov 2013 · 1.0k
Untitled
Emily Jones Nov 2013
I follow you like an obsession
Seeing your life from the outside
Noting the smiles that frequent your face
The contentment of yourself in that space
I no longer see that disturbed longing to be free of that place
That backwater town that has no place for me in it
No future
Besides a deadpan existance leading its citizens astray or
Contenting them with a simple life

You have those who love you
Genuine friends and you seem to find a way to be busy
Find enjoyment in that simple existance
Not seeking out the exoteric meanings of life
Re-emerging back into that mentality of everyday people
Happy with just being in the moment in time
Devoid of that driving passion to find meaning in this life
To understand the worlds complexities and learn the beauty that is humanity

The vision I have escribed to myself to seek the truth in this world
To see the nasty and feel a sense of calm in the face of our own self destruction
Feeling as if my mission drives and beliefs are becomeing coersive to your health
How do I connect with you anymore?
You who used to abore the simplicity of your upbringing

I see it now
As you talk to your brothers and sister
I try to communitcate experience your world
But I am an outsider to this realm

My words don't fit
And all eyes make me feel castrated
I don't speak as they do, I use words they don't understand
A language and understanding that they do not employ
Not saying that I am better than anyone of them
Because I know I am not
Humble to the fact
That they don't find those things worth doing
Worth any merit
Secular in their reasoning

I see you fit this mold
This world where I cannot speak
Without offending or offering explination
Leaving me mute,
Feeling outcasted
Dumb to the workings of their order.

But you are a camilion blending in
Taking that world as your own
Transforming before my eyes into someone
I don't know
Or would know if I had realised you were
Developing without me

It is subtle this changing
How the conversation gets more complex on my end
Reaching out for anything that will relate you back to me
My mind becoming a blockade
A boundary to you
Where I crave none

I feel you here in my being
Shifting changing
The face you show me smiling happy
Loved and no longer in need of me
Wondering when you will see this yourself
When this distance will become leagues
And you determine whether it is worth it to cross
Oct 2013 · 1.5k
Zombie
Emily Jones Oct 2013
The thrumming clunk of shocked wheels
Eat up road worn smooth by big junking beasts
Smoking up crisp air
Hungry for a taste of stunted freedom
The rush of wind the pained panels
Pulling a mass of curls with sticky cold fingers
Raking across my scalp

Shaking in the silence
In wake of thought
The bass drum barking out a numbing melody
Sliding like thin blade into the back of my mind
Enhancing melodramatic mood
Touching my tender heart

Fresh from the lash of lonely
Bludgeoned by the deadpan distance between
My soul
Snack sized bit of flesh clinging to the slick walls  
Of reason
Hammering in my chest
Still riddled with the mark of your claiming
The imprint of my nails still bleeding
In refusal

But claim it you did
Snatched it up out of my chest
Trailing arteries and the copper stench of blood
Empty cavity
Filling up with dreams and the sweet taste of your breath
Leeching into my limbs and whispering love into my being

But this road is ceaseless
No matter how many times I visit
That long stretch of highway
Promising me  the Spector of your memory
The ghost of your touch
Warmth of love
Acceptance
Renewal of my existence

The green glint of freeway sign
Showing me where I would have found you
Down that dirt road
Swing hair pin turns hearing your laughter as it chases me closer to where you should be
Were you will always belong
Where I could have found you had life been kind

Your savage dissection of my soul keeps me yearning
Reaching out and grasping my independence hostage
Where you have become a necessity to whom I am
What I am
And who I will be
Hinges on your well being

Fading into nothing
Where I am defined by you
My angularity is tethered down
But the road yields no answer
Only the Spector
The sad shadow of memories that refuse to fade
Die instead of rotting
At least with death it can be buried
Living with the death of my heart
A tragedy I would not allow to part
Sep 2013 · 990
Within
Emily Jones Sep 2013
Sometimes I feel it
Just on the edge of thought
Peeking over the tight grip of control
My fist clenching tighter
Hoping to deaden the noise
The doubt
Remorse
To keep a pleasant disposition

Avoiding offending
Trying at all cost to comprehend
To not step on toes
Careful
So careful
Daintily tip towing around reality

Stuffing the self so deep into itself
That reality becomes the cage
Society becomes its antagonist
Feeding it shallow lies and filth
Of a world so full of itself that
It chokes
Out the light of a free spirit
Inside my self I hide
I plot and wonder

Driving myself closer to insanity
Still believing everything is ok.
Shielding my resentment
Festering from within
Feb 2013 · 638
Untitled
Emily Jones Feb 2013
Feet cracking, bruised concrete making skin peel
Walking on the aching pads of reason
Finding home
Away from thought
No mind, he would call it
Acting without acting
Till the murmur of my disillusionments fade
To nothing

Quiet in the echoing void of my mind
******* away intended function
Allowing bones to cave in on themselves and muscles to stove up
Like dried dates in the summer heat

The night was long
Stretching its fingers out, pulling the hands inplace
So as an hour felt like an eternity
Each breath even longer still
I was exhausted
Walking on fumes
Blown over by a hard wind

But the end was in sight
The welcome red, bolted 1823
Where you rested, with soft bed
And warmth
Waiting to sooth the burn of my body
Final ease
Embraced in comfort only you could bring.
Feb 2013 · 492
The final Crash
Emily Jones Feb 2013
I wait
Hollow eyed stilling time
Hoping to be swept away on what ever dull fog has possessed my soul
Clogged my mind
The dripping tap
Blitzing across the surface of my bursting mind
To full!
  Welling
        SWELLING
Straining the strands of my tentative sanity

Testing the limits of my mind
Maddening the constrains of my heart
Till numb fingers
List to the left
Straddling the median
On late nights
80 miles
and counting

Drifting
Sailing to the sidelines
Until the world drops
And blank eyes
Finally shudder no more
Wipers bridge no more tears
Blipping out of existence
Along with all my fears.
Jan 2013 · 780
Contemplating a freak-out.
Emily Jones Jan 2013
You watch me, with that charming Cheshire smile
Corners crinkling
The dimpled pleasure of intelligent company
Holding my breath
Hearing the richness of your baritoned laughter

I am surprised with the lax
Mannerism of your movement
How the hinges no longer creak
Echoing the stillness
Of your once prone psyche

Like magic
Some fantasy
Of child like wonder I am consumed
Consumed by the elegant freedom
Of your words
As if you had never fallen so far into your self
Lost your  down the rabbit hole
Playing poker with a madman

No you have seen
Madness
And come back whole
An aged man
Monsters both vanquished and not
Lurking
Inside a placid brown

How daintily you conduct your self
A bear
Civilized
Not a hair out of place
Not a twitch
Not a grumble
Or complaint

As if I was porcelain
Something bound to break
You handle me
Like a crumble cake
This old school tender
This utmost gentlemanly grace
This strangeness I now have to face

No turmoil
No storm for me to brace
I fear I am the one out of place
Jan 2013 · 607
Pissed off Ramble
Emily Jones Jan 2013
Buzzing
Humming hum-drum noise
This blatant blockage of dribble and sludge
Stupidity at its best
My god man

How do you live
  With that spittle, of garbled words you call sentences
Do your thought really reflect the dirt that flows off your tongue
  Like clay wrapped *****
Regurgitated out of the mouth of a brain dead mute

Seriously!
Are you deft to boot?

Can you not comprehend the English that I speak?
You ill witted simpleton!
God you make me reek

By contending with your ignorance
I stink
The smell of rotting brain matter
The feted meat, calling fly's
Who choke on the sensation of overcooked eggs
And the stench of distilled bile
Thank God I only have to deal with this for a short while.

Or else
Sink,
   Like a rock
Into your bog of bigoted rag
My liberal mind to heavy to float
Coworker thought it prudent to try and instill their bigoted opinion on the manner of the heart and religion, some people are just as bad as the things they rail against. I mean come on if you present yourself with the same level of animosity as the one you are trying to argue against and take the same method of persuasion you are just as bad as they are. ~ On another note I feel much better after that bit, carry on. lol
Dec 2012 · 1.6k
Fast-Food Fishtale
Emily Jones Dec 2012
I lay here, like a fish long dead
Limp, lifeless
Glazed,
Gaping mouth tilted up towards the ceiling
Misted with the dew of sweat
And starting to smell

Fresh out of the pan
The vigor of my youth long
Departed
Regarded not as equal
But cannon fodder

For the masses
Infesting the grease smeared
Hub of hunger

Beta in a sea of sharks
Gilling a slow sluggish
Slop

Thank god, this bed is where I have longed to be all night long.
Dec 2012 · 555
Untitled
Emily Jones Dec 2012
You test me
With this physical cliff
This distance
This depressed want
Verging on hopeless need
That I feel coming up the back of my throat like *****.

I can feel the tension
From my swelling
Aching wrist
Held so fiercely by the bond of word
You stand on
This borderline obsession
I have come to salivate for
To yearn so numbing that all other thought comes to hault
Persistent tugging again on the links
Holding me back from madness

From wanting to force your hand in a direction
I know only pushes you away
But this need is a painful thing
Manifested by the  fear
Of loneliness,
An overarching call
To the inner most basic part of a woman

Needing to be needed
Needing to have purpose
To get as close to someone
As she can and not have to let him go
Even if it is but for a moment

But that moment
Is what she lives for
When all the buzzing blind meaty cattle of society
No longer  swarms her ears with an insatiable
Craving
Wants of something they have not earned
Not worked for or built upon

The essence of her being leeching like a cracked
Egg on pavement
Humpty did not fall
But rather was pushed

That moment means
Absolution
The connection deep
Punctuated with the feel of two heartbeats in one
Being
One creature seeing
Touching tasting and thinking of nothing
But the feel
The motion
The sensation of this blistering
Blatent bubbling chaotic
Dynamic coming together of
Pieces once whole
Dec 2012 · 1.4k
Soar
Emily Jones Dec 2012
Its all clicking
Like cards in wheel spoke, the whisper of childhood
Broad sun on shouldered back
As I watch
You

With you cheeky smile
Once more bright, rose-framing white walled ivory
The glinting glimmer of glee
In chocolate spun pools
Floating in the renewed plane of dreams

I had always thought brown a rather dull color
A simple thing
Reminiscent of dirt, and the color of bark
Everyone had it
A color I thought so overused
Like God had run out of all the good colors
Brown was what was left

But you
Yes
You
The one whom sprung it seemed
Right of the very air
Pouncing into my life like a cat
Well versed in the hunt
You trapped me
Snared me
When I wasn't aware I was wanting to be caught

And ate up
My heart
Devoured my intellect
And left me craving for more

So I smiled
Seeing you laugh
Watching you get better
Watching you pull yourself out of the muck
The poison that had kept you drugged and away from me

Little Bird was pleased
Wanting to sing high praises to the heavens
And to any of the Gods
That would hear her joy
All of the creators would hear
My lamentations

Feel my world clicking
Like a joint
The setting of a broke limb
The resurrection of my figurative faith

The flow of my psyche'
Is restored
As I set back and watch the hawk finally soar.
A partner poem to the another poem titled little bird.
Dec 2012 · 676
Finals
Emily Jones Dec 2012
It's pulsing
My over crowded mind
Boiled over like meat cooked too full
Splitting an egg cracked under pressure

Scrambled
Skittering across the surface
Thoughts, actions
All uncertain

Too full
Too little
Too unprepared
Dear lord the **** finals are here....
Dec 2012 · 508
Ache
Emily Jones Dec 2012
Devastation, that thrumming madness behind my eyes
Has not dwindled but kept itself in the back of my mind
You leaving has left its aching hole
The gradual upheaval in my soul

But I stand firm
Solid are my knees
Holding up my world
When everything is so bleak

With the hopes
A prayer
A silent plea
That you will arrive
Any day
Searching for me

With that smile
That swishing gate
And yes
I will watch you
Connect eye to eye
And when the fire of my love
Has fulfilled, a sated state
We will watch the sunset
And I will no longer ache.
Nov 2012 · 692
Music
Emily Jones Nov 2012
There is no music here
Where I stay
Inside my mind
Locked behind the disturbances
That shake me
Quaking my bones until they come loose
Covered by despair like Pompey
Its silhouette immortalized
Against the back drop of my ongoing torment.

This depression a lingering installation
Stuck in neutral
  Neither here
Nor there
           Or right now
Living on Auto pilot
The inner structure of my mind in chaos.

While my feet plant themselves forward
Driven the upbeat staccato of footfall-pavement
The hooked-heel motivation of basic life maintenance.

I have rotted
I have lost
I have given the whole of myself
And still watched him walk away
Not goodbye forever
But goodbye for right now
Sounding just as permanent.

My body is tired
My mind is numb
I have given everything I am
To an idea
To a promise
And kept just enough to function

But I am tired now
Being half of something
Missing vital limbs
Toes
And fingers
So exhausted with life
Exhausted with myself

That right now all I wish to do is sleep,
And maybe
Just maybe I'll never wake to this hell again.
The ending of a moment when there is nothing left but letting the dust settle. Having to live with yourself after a drastic change. Ambivalence sets in.
Nov 2012 · 797
Little bird
Emily Jones Nov 2012
I see you
Black/brown hair
The ivy green of your disturbed eyes
Walking
Further and further away from me
The void of time closing
Faster and faster still
So abrupt each change that I feel the draw of tension in my skull

The harsh rip of tendons in my heart
You were leaving
This time
For good

A two hour treacherous trip
To home were the rest of them flocked
Your roosting
And I could not follow

Little blue bird
With her short wings could not fly with the hawk
And his strong reaching wings
When her feet where tied to commitment

The shackles of responsibility
What was right for little blue was here
Where the sun shone and the gift of education lingered
But GOD how she wanted to follow him
Into the unknown
The bleakness
Just to not have to suffer the loss of her hawk

But what was waiting for him was a promise
The promise of a better life
Freedom from the ****** he had become accustom too
Freedom to flourish in a distinctly hawk way
To get better
To  soar high in the heavens and enjoy the wind
Without losing his mind in the process

You walk
Away from me
Into a brighter sun than
The  shade at my back
Casting your shadow backwards where it held me
In its phantom strength untill
It too faded out
And left me lonely
Completely incomplete
Untill you come
For me
Keening victoriously
In flight

Turning I walk back into the shade you left behind
Leaving blue feathers
Sounding out the clinking of chains
Nov 2012 · 2.6k
Cereal
Emily Jones Nov 2012
Staring into a bowl, filled with fruited o's
I contemplate the cosmos

The world, my place in it.

And come to the conclusion that it will move on

Prosper or not prosper based on determined and undetermined factors

And even this bowl of cereal is a factor to that means

Soon I grow tired of this expansive thought

And decide what the hell

Its only cereal....
Deep thoughts after lecture, and all the ***** I gave finally caved and the cereal became enjoyable. Now if a plan crashes, strange weather patterns arise, and an important figure is killed, know that was some **** good cereal. lol
Nov 2012 · 515
Keep
Emily Jones Nov 2012
Will you walk with me
      Hand in hand
         A leisurely stroll
               Promptly off the plank
                       And into the quagmire of my thoughts
                             Where words fade into meaningless garbled blips of sound
                                      Where the wet sluggish tick of my clock
Turns back on itself
   Into madness
And back into reality
                  Lapse in reason                                              Forgetful................................
I fall under                              sideways                                                                          farther still
                   Clutching                your  hand tight..........

                                      Where in darkness you have always been the light.
To my candle
      Keeping my wick warm
Dry, and free of debris
                                        My savior
Oh Captain,                                            My Captain
                           Sailors right
Steering me into                         Dangerous water

Waiting the kraken deep, my appetites hunger
                            It is only you they seek.
A snare!        A trap!                    Baited breath!
Shackled creep,
               Here within my heart you are mine to keep.
Nov 2012 · 773
Indivdual
Emily Jones Nov 2012
How do I breathe?
When the heavy weight of responsibility chokes out the option of freedom
When the beat of life holds feet to pavement
Forcing the whimsical mind to rigor, and rhetoric.

How do I see?
When visions are bred to infect an open mind with social, and ethical nonsense
When the constrains of organized religion impose will but not unity
The bitter taste of opposition between brothers.

Why do I listen?
When words are fickle and meaningless
When their emotions are as fake as the smile they hide behind
The subliminal meanings behind the edited thoughts and vocalizations of man.

How do I speak?
When my words are interpreted falsly before understood
When words are many and ideas copy cat,
Distorted meaningless mash up of everyday mundane life

How do I be myself?
When the individual is as overrated as the society it lives in
When judgement comes first, and forgiveness never lasts
Existing to walk a path laid by another man

The road less traveled is the same road that harbors the footprints of millions
The road becoming a generalized idea for happiness
No longer molded to the steps, length, and size of a mans shoe
Where is the individual?

What constitutes personality?
When we are a product of our situations
And the people who direct them

How do I breathe?
When my lungs are owned from inside the womb.
Nov 2012 · 954
Untitled
Emily Jones Nov 2012
I stood there mute
Words harnessed in my throat ragging against the cage of reason
But I could not hurt you
The way you have hurt me

The deep trenches of doubt
The bleeding **** of shame
And the liquid infection of your love

My love
And its mutated form
Eatting away at the insides of my mind
Heart a black mass of rotted feted meat

But I could not hurt you
With the words I wanted to scream
With the torement of my soul
The tearing of scarred
Lightly burned insides

I could not wound you
With the lash of my angered tongue
The righteous injustice I have felt
For my own sake

I could not make you anguish
Over love like I have done
Still do and will do
Until you decide you don't need me

Even with you standing
There on in the gravel lot
Breath a warm cloud
And eyes sincere
Questioning me

Asking me
What you have done wrong
What you deserved to know

But I could not hurt you
With the truth
With the pretty lies
Or with honest half's

So I said nothing
Breathed deep
And tried not to cry
Looking away
Off into the setting sun

I could not hurt you

Warm lips on forehead crown
Hands touching
A face drawn in reluctant tears
A chest
The pleated plaid of button down
Steady rhythm of heart

I could not hurt you

My unpredictable rock
Tearing me down
Building me up
Tripping my tongue
And trapping my thought

I could not hurt you
My weakest spot.
Nov 2012 · 434
Untitled
Emily Jones Nov 2012
A solid echo to the empty room
Resounding off walls
The gasp
The plopping din of tears
A lonely light

Solitary
Screen white in the blackness
As I write
I sit here
Typing away
Cat purring
Curled as close as he can get
Watching a repeat of similar action

Stuffed up
Nose-drool
Shaking hands
The blue of eyes made more prominent by red
The aching echo of silent screams

Big green eyes witness
Me falling in on myself all over again
Cave into my being
Doubting that I'll find my way back again
Into more darkness
The void to my ongoing
Depressed state

Finding it better to be there; lonely
Numb
Than swallow the bitter pill of reality

I want to dull the bass-bound thumping of my own thoughts
The pounding of my own blood
Believe that I don't exist
Unlike what Descartes would have me believe
I want to be deceived.
Nov 2012 · 1.5k
Decay
Emily Jones Nov 2012
Do you want to know why I can't sleep at night?
Why every time I think of you I choke on my own breath?
Why I want to shake you, kick, and scream, untill you see this grated pain that I live with?
It is the love I have gifted to you
And it is dieing
A slow and merciless deth

Slow rotting in its own chest
The metal teeth of your lies no longer comfort it
No longer pacified the beast that hungers for more
The things you promised but stopped delivering
Blotted blue, a blood turned red as it falls
Having been starved of the nutrients that gives it vigor
The reciprocity of mutual  connection

The stale sickly bile of backed up emotions poison me
Taint me
Ready to explode
Wanting not to hurt you by showing you what you have done

What you have bottled inside me
A love that could have moved mountains like it has done before
Killing me

Brutally with each day I wake
With each expectation you no longer fulfil
With each I love you from your lips
I die, the churning clog of ash
And the unforgiving malice
Of pretty words

Waiting for you to withdrawal
Even more
As if I were some old wound left to rot
Decay
Decompose there at your doorstep
To long forever a mummified homage to the hopeless
The loveless
The ******
Nov 2012 · 1.4k
A Dream
Emily Jones Nov 2012
It came like a sudden darkness, storming up and snuffing out the already fading light of dawn,
When I found myself floating, above the ground suspended on the backs of blue clouds that kissed the purple sky like a clinging lover
Chasing the movement of birds before my eyes I turned to stare down at the blackness beneath my toxic cloud of color, at the puke green sea covered in the orange foam of soda where what looked like the remnants of my breakfast that morning road the frothy waves.

Pink,
Pink
Pepto-Bismol stained whales attacked the early air blowing bubbles filled with what looked like Oreo cream screaming happily the music of contentment
A cry a loud mewling filled the acid induced happiness of the moment, yowling agonizingly, as if possessed by the spirit of pain itself.
Thumping, Screeching clash and the ***** of nails had me blinking away from my floating tea party within the sky and looking rather questionably to the hunky dream boat pouring me a fresh glass of tea,
His smile plastered by the very gods themselves didn't waver, and in my dreamlike stupor I thought nothing of it
But the terrified yowling, hissing, strange purr-mewl didn't stop.

The sky no longer a pleasant purple faded to a nasty shade of plum conjuring two disembodied chillingly green slated eyes
Frantic with irrational fear I panicked falling off my blue cloud to plummet towards the angry green sea below
Falling, Falling ever faster staring up at the sinister glowing ambient green eyes, whilst hearing that terrifying screeching yowl, from the Cheshire maw
Slamming awake with the tingling sensation of a ghostly belly flop, I find myself still staring up at those eerie green eyes.

This time surrounded by a flowing mane of toffee fur and speckled with tan zigzagging stripes of inky black,
Buddy, with his demanding meow of attention, insistently pawing my forehead with the command of a gentle rub,
Plucking my wings, and crippling me with a cuteness that only he can have.
A silly poem about a lovable cat and what he interrupts on a daily basis.
Nov 2012 · 923
Tripartite soul: With love
Emily Jones Nov 2012
When reason, spirit, and appetite meet
There-in my soul you do greet
A complicated mass of intention
Whose sole purpose is the want of attention
A stingy, selfish thing it is
But I am human
Of man.

And we are as selfish as a creature can get
For when the balance of these forces tip
Chaos of the soul
Mans weakness of will
The weakness of willing mind
To want
To hold
Something for all time

But a man made of mortal flesh
Cannot hope to beget
A love that is as immortal as the Gods
A love that is beautiful for all time

Goodness, and beauty are what we seek
A soul without love
Miserable and full of deceit
Of despair
Of mindful rot
Flaking off in fleshing decay
A loving heart is not meant to end this way

It is meant to mourn over the loss of life
To love a man/woman with all its might
To cry
To care
To kiss the morning with lamentations
To hold onto the feelings of sensation

A loving heart, a soulful mind
Is meant to imagine love for all time
Meant to dream
Never despair
Like breathing without air

But alas all I can do is dream
To write of love
But a wounded heart doth know
That before the burn, the ache
Of raw flesh
Salted
Prolonged in suspended agony

That there was beauty
There was magic
In the darkness of the night there was joy
Laughter in the alignment of her soul

Where her love was not new
But right where it should be
In her arms
Wrapped up
Held so tightly
She never thought of falling through

But no longer can she claim
Mindful retention
She could fall apart
One wrongful infliction.
This poem is written with elements of Plato's tripartite soul, drawing for the most part a brief somewhat accurate depicton of some of his ideas, while keeping the ideology of what I was emoting very clear.
Nov 2012 · 969
Longing
Emily Jones Nov 2012
I long for the tantalizing-turbulent taste of your being
The way you make love with the simple wordless-ness of action
The rhythmic motions of your body so close, an within mine
The sweat dripping slip of callused hands on my skin
How you SHOW me the words you speak
So often
So loudly
Quietly when we are alone
The love, I want to feel more that hear
Seeing they say is believing,

I want to
Touch, smoldering steady fire
That lingers in your heart
Not just rely
On the fallacy that
Words abide

But I haven't
Felt the burn of your desire
Or the subtle warmth of furnaced kiss
Nor have you "loved" me with
All the fierceness that I have
Come to depend on
The surety that alone would never change
When you would let me love you till the heat
Brought water spewing from smoldering eyes
How the redness of swollen lips lead to
Sweet words
On my tongue
My face
Communicating with the eyes alone.

I long for love
Long for the connection of
More than words
Having been lied to for a lifetime
Fed from a liers hand
Bitten to much to believe anything but what you show me
What you make me feel
Inspire me to do

And oh how I love you
You complete and utter manly mess
How I've tried to stand firm
On weak knees
Tiny shoulders aren't meant to hold the world
When knees fail
And the rock you should be
Is as feeble

How you bleed my heart
With the way you
Love me
Bleed it dry
A puddle I stand in
Daily
Waiting for you
Longing for you
To wake up
From whatever has taken you away from me

I long for you
Though you stand beside me
Close enough to touch
Smell
To reach
To touch your callused hands

And imagine what they felt like
To
A distant
Less drained
Me

Where I was happy
Where I was complete
Had not the other half
Of my soul, not but abandoned me.
Nov 2012 · 1.4k
Over-infatuation
Emily Jones Nov 2012
How I miss it
The taste of tequila
Warm
Acidic
Slithering down the back of my throat
Blooming hot in my limbs,

Reaching each fingertip
Numbing
Bubbly sprinkle font
Shrouding my brain
In happy thought
Carefree wistful abandon


The burning choke
Of refer flower
Swaying my body to the
Rhythm
   Of life
      THIS MOMENT
   His taste
The beat of his drum

Thumping
  Thumping
      Pounding
Madness
So caught up in him
I no longer am

Hooked
Shared
With his cosmic love

Submerged in subs trance
Lost to the essecence of the right now
Def to the whispers of tomorrow
In this moment I
Exist

As I have longed to
To just be
Me
Carefree
Floating on Cloud 12
Because Cloud 9 is full of want to be's
Ignoring the rancid truth of reality

Lost to it
Within it
Attention held by one and many
The shuttering, shake of atmosphere

His breathe the back of neck chill
Goose flesh intensity
Tangled in sensation
Over-infatuation.
Oct 2012 · 841
Throb
Emily Jones Oct 2012
It comes in waves
Trimmers
Shaking my ribs
Rattling-loose bone
Surfing the surface of my thought
Making breath shallow

It stutters
In the rhythm of my heart
Pulling at tendons
Leeching at the life found therein
Sputtering-spindling
Thumping
Flat-line

The thought of you leaving
Killing me every time
Short expression, of what I fear the most.
Oct 2012 · 1.4k
Fides’ Betrayal
Emily Jones Oct 2012
Miseo
Something I had never thought I'd feel
Towards you
Against you
The other side of my coin

Miseo
In the depth of my heart
My thoughts
Burning up the back of my throat
Stinging-tainted
Raw

Miseo
Whispered
Echoing in my Psyche
Slighted where I never thought I could be
My friend

Miseo
In the softest part
Tender, needy
Pathetically -gullible

Miseo
To you who were suppose to hold me
When the world fell down
Shattered
And buried me
When love faltered
And I am at my loneliest

Thelo
How I had hoped
    Prayed
I who never believed in much
   That you were true

That you were something special
    A treasure worth keeping
Not marked up-overpriced trash
   Like the rest of the world



Miseo
The part of me
Longing
For you
Miseo-Greek word for hate or act of hating
Thelo-Greek word for want or wanting, willingness
Psyche-Greek word for soul
Fides-Greek god of trust
Oct 2012 · 3.3k
Aphrodite is but a Mule
Emily Jones Oct 2012
Eros
In my soul
Taking my breath
Thrumming in my heart

Eros
In your touch
The flitting-fondness of skin to skin
Sweat, beaded-trickle down
Salted flesh
Curly topped, flayed on satin

Eros
In your taste
The sweet tangle of tongue
Twisted-cheeky
Raspberried laughter

Eros
In the presence of your wit
The clever-confines of your mind
Depressed-displacement of your thought
Sophia

Eros
From one being to another
Thundering
Chaotic in my breast
Burning my throat
Scalding-stinging
Across the distance

Eros
In the silence of contentment
With arms wrapped
Smooth
Held close to the rhythm of your light
The hammering of blood

Pacing
Pitter
     Patter
        Sluggish-slowing
Lull of sleep
Eros, even in my dreams

Σε στιγμές σαν και αυτές που φέρνουν μου όλου του κόσμου για να γονατίσει
(In moments like these you bring my whole world to its knees.)
Eros- Greek word for passionate love, romantic love.
Sophia- Greek word for wisdom
Oct 2012 · 5.8k
I know you.
Emily Jones Oct 2012
Clayton
How I know you
Paternal parenting
DNA infused
Carbon contribution, to my physique
Father

In everything
My skin, eyes toes,
Unfortunately; inside my mouth
Spitting plaster-walled
Copy-paste personality
The same

Intimately
Close-dangerously
Different
Me a bold-faced fraction of ill abated love
Something that didn't work out
Photocopy
Blond-blasphemy of useless flesh
Reminder of her
Mom

Enough!
Teeter tottering
Tip-Toe tangling opinion
Excuses
Words fermented
Rotting-rigor

I know you.
Slit-eyed palefaced ****** of bigot ideas
Bearing pronged poker
Clicking glinting-clawed finger fondling fake religion
Suppressing supplement thought

*******
God's love the good life
Living a life to be proud of
Excuse me!
For not being as I am "supposed" to be

Eatting rancid lies
Your reality relative
To kiss-*** preferred siblings
Who like the taste of ****
What you shovel

Hung on lipsucking harlot, hinged hip hung-over
Descending oppressidly upon willing wanton will of man
Letting cracked-cackled toothed
Field Gap-smile
Decide your next move

I know you
I see what you push into hidden corners
The bias, nasty film of your character
Under whitecollar shirttails
Citizen, Patriot
Americas American

I know you
Your oppression
Not new
As underhanded and seedy as it was
And still is

I know you
As much as I'd like not too.
Oct 2012 · 1.8k
Star
Emily Jones Oct 2012
Seeing you is like watching an earth-moving force
A comet sent to wipe out the species of thought
Dinosaurs, crawling- viscous
The plains of my body, earth
The sky falling into itself
Spilling out the wonders of the heavens
The twinkling-diamond sharp plains of your wit
And the rich –muddy-mire of heart

Your body a magnet I gravitate
The pull of your skin,
Crushed -velvet fingers finding fixed hold
On dipped shoulder plains
A breath to warm wintered cheeks
Stretching the kiss of blushed smile
Completely surrounded embraced by the sun

Furnace, summer-heat
Growing, budding in the freshly -sweetened air of love
Flowering, the temple walls well taken care of
Watered with the wealth of your affection
Contented with you attention

Your gaze
Your praise
By everything that is you
This earthly temple humming and infused
Quaking with the intensity of acceptance
While continuing her latest obsession
Lonely earth, she who is unlike other cosmic forms

A blip in the eyes of some
But behold the brilliance of which she shines
Golden hair and sea green eye
Beneath the brilliance of her sun
By his gravity she has become
More beautiful by far
The earth and her heated star.
Sep 2012 · 1.4k
Envy
Emily Jones Sep 2012
It is still warm, the place where you had laid,
Still filled with the lingering blush of life and gifted with your smell,
Something that is so completely yours that sometimes if I close my eyes I can pretend you had never left,
I can pretend that for another moment you were mine.
That I didnt have to return you to the world where others also loved you,
Where there are other pieces that fit your puzzle of life,
Different kinds of love, not subtracted from your character but rather a part of who you are,
Family.
Sometimes in these moments with your scent still in the air and the room full of your presense, I become selfish for your love alone,
Almost envious of those whom get to experience you an all your greatness,
All the myrid of things that make you the beautiful person that you are.
But then when all of the envy, and selfish thoughts have run their course like all thoughts do,
I remember all the things we do,
What brought your scent to linger in a cooling bed,
What allowed your presense to fill my space,
And I no longer feel the loss of you so strong,
Because not long before, you where in my arms,
As you sure are to be again when the chill of my loneliness begins again.
An older poem, from a younger me.
Sep 2012 · 1.0k
Regret
Emily Jones Sep 2012
It twists deeper with an aching draw that only it can bring
A sharp breath taking lunge into the deepest part of the heart
The place were only the things that matter most are stored
How it eats, like rust staining a priceless metal it tears away the very flesh
Sinking deeper and deeper still into the inner most part oneself
Burrowing it's way close, to munch away a what is left of self when all defenses are lost
To drown itself in tears and gore itself on the raw intensity of anguish
Love so intense that when it's source is no longer there to fill the fountain
It starts to sink into its host killing it softy, 
Choking on regret.
Sep 2012 · 2.1k
Accidental Journey
Emily Jones Sep 2012
Hips hunkered, rise to dapple-blue-toned dusty seat
Flush arch cheeky blush, excitement
Droll eye-glazing blue pupil toned in sleepy drug haze
Wind whipping wild air rushing through tempered glass
Wubing whoosh of wheeled blacktop pavement
Colored in eerie sunshade yellow
Lined, darting-flash gold white boundary crossing  
Tight knuckles, two hand hold
Blinking brown doe-eyed drowsy heavy lidded
Lolling head knocked back, head bash rested caressing faux blue
Ploom of dust
Dry-mouth open to catching fly’s
Or what’s left of dank-infused air
Quiet stillness

Blond hair crawling in busy wind,
Equally as gone
Thumping, jolting-momentum  
White line boundary lost, wheels ended grass
Ditching down, dirt slid slide
Floating weightless suspended-nightmare phase

Snapping,
Awake! Awake!
Screaming slotted terrified,
Panic! Painful-heart-wrecking rob breath
Nose dive, mounded metal drive inching closer
Hairs-breath away

Afraid, screaming ****** ****** inside sealed lips
Brown eyes; lid white
Hands upon steering slack, loose light
Asleep, peaceful in calamity
Unnatural shake and tumble
Nail dug bleeding ache
Skidding gravel, tree lined doom
A god not believed in a prayer ensued
Shaking, the calm unglued
“Baby, wake I beg you!”
Brown quick electric wide
Screaming, Screaming
“Oh my God! Why!”
Swerve snake skin peelout
Black lane orange in night
An almost death.
Midnight ride gone wrong.
Sep 2012 · 6.1k
Ballot? What Ballot?
Emily Jones Sep 2012
Picketed, another generation pushing for advancement in the age of reason,
Logical, radical movement
Trying for less invasive measures of medication
To take the blinders off the prejudice of non-conformity and reach the masses
A promise to ease the pain, promote healing, the overall good
Met with violence, verbal slander, from mommies and daddies afraid of a world outside their white fence,
Fearing independence, the expansion of the mind, an openness in their youth to allow radical change.

The bloated belt bent backwards, white collar replaced by hedonistic practical libertarians in pursuit of happiness for all
Sick, disgusted with the man, the one behind the podium whom allows for this animosity on a group that did everything right, legally sound
Tired of hearing the whispers across a university, the hopeful gushing’s of elated individuals bright- eyes naive
Of a system that won’t allow something this controversial into the public, afraid to lose their hold on a potential capitol
On something that should be as easy to find in a free market as Captain Crunch, Coca-Cola, and Rice Krispy Treats.

Grinding down, fluffy-green-crystal bud
Dank yellow smoke smoldering out of pipes end, seeping out of closed lips billowing out of nostrils
Dragon fire down a throat coated with a week worth of soot, and experience
Choking, coughing, laughing away the misery
The disappointment in her fellow man to refuse to even consider the validity of a proven product
Knowing that if it was anything else a miracle drug composed of fairy dust, unicorn hair and the ***** of a thousand angels; approval would have been immediate.
Whip lash.

Flick, flame, fumigating
Baking myself into a calmer state, watching with ******* grace
Twitching with the need to take action
To control this negative reaction, to slap the of face limp **** conservatives
So consumed with themselves, blind to the pain of people who have lost hope in other forms of relief
Alternative therapy shut off by a system obsessed with its war on drugs.
In response to the Arkansas movement to get legalization of marijuana on the ballot, met with conservative group protest.
Sep 2012 · 4.3k
The Fighter
Emily Jones Sep 2012
His fist scarred, beat-red fistful of intention
Rugged, crass unchiseled wonder wrapped in a gentle smile
A bear of a man, broad shouldered hulking bent
Stuffed-fluff heart tattooed with the echo of love
The times he grappled in sweaty- slick tangle of arms and drew blood blooming bright-crisp-apple-red upon white mat.

Beat, Beat, Beat, down
Tap, Tap, Tap, out
White knuckle-grasp uppercut
Full mount, disengage
Joint locked, feet hooked, Triangle hold
Submission.

The times he brought grown men to their knees, and humbled himself on his own
The times he never gave up and the times he gave in
To the fight
To the system
To the sweet draw of relief
The times he fought not for the thrill but to make it by
Rage hot-red facing the injustice of poverty
His steel spine riddled with the rust of life, the rust of reality
The corrosive sludge of hate, and words left unspoken.

Busted well-worn hands held soft smooth skin
Grooved fingers and velvet mouth
The scratch of bearded stubble, red-lined skin prickled with goose flesh, slick coated in sweat
A new fight, wrapped knuckles cushioned with the promise of forgiveness
Of acceptance a force to be reckoned with in her own right.

Broken hand, dreams stunted, depressed-mind-numbing
Lost in his own thought, out of the fight
Desperate to be back in the game mind and body
Envy-red, drawn to the fight of others
Soft smooth hands, short-small-painted nails calm bristled hair
Growling bear, baring teeth in silent-wounded pride
The time she bandaged pride, and encouraged humility
The times she scalded his senses the raw-red liquid fire of love
His shade in the heat of a red-blistered sun
Cooling, and igniting inspiration
The time she became a fight worth winning.

— The End —