The older I get the less real it feels.
Wanting to stay inside the realm of fiction
Where the world is harsh but hope is always on the horison
Where the hero always wins and adversity is mole hill
Not the mountain it is in life
But I wake back into the humble world of retail fog
Mucking through the day on pennies and dimes
Wishing that for a moment life was more of an adventure

2 am is here again
And yet not I go to sleep
Between the worried flies and dreaming cries
Restless I seem to be
The what ifs and could be's
Chase me around the room
And I find myself sinking further and further into an adult depressive loop.

Unlike when we were kids
When worries were solved by others
The panic power of the day to day tower
Of fears and aspirations
Keep most of us from our greatest potential
And consequently a good nights rest.

I feel like a flightless bird
But not a bird who has never known the gift of flight
But a fledgling watching others find wind
Sail off into their lives on the breeze of self discovery and settle into the waiting branches with comfortable niches
Like a wind of change swept free the debris of doubt
But here I sit on the same rock ledge trying to unfurl wings that creak with uncertainty
The mites of doubt creeping between each feather
Leaving holes to big to face the weather.

I like to watch the curl of smoke from between my lips
That dancing wave like movement floating listly up and away
Back and forth undulating to a song all its own
Majestic in its travel pulling with it the trouble
The doubt the pain
All the worry
Floats away.

StarMan out in the great beyond
How you touched us all with your luminous song
The wondrous echos of your voice fades only in the presence of time
As the man who fell to earth
You left a mark
On each of our down trodden hearts
StarMan out in the great beyond
Always here and never gone.

I dont know what to feel
My mind is confused existing in a jumble of mix emotions that spread further on the liquid surface of the mind
No matter how far I swim they stay just beyond the reach of stretching fingers
Shifting and to the music of a disturbed mind in limbo
Between desire
Making nauseous with anxiety.

Sometimes I want to curl up and watch the world
Pour a cup of hot coffee and spectate
Just for a little while pretend Im outside of the chaos
Instead of rooted in it like so many others
Step back and enjoy the quiet
Remembering what its like to be at peace.