My eyes are like dried fruit left to rot
Burning, and itching
From emotional cast off
Plugged to the nose with emotional recess
Head hammering the strangeness felt
At least in sleep I can escape this **** up mess

Sometimes when I think
I feel like I can touch the world
Understand the flux of energy
The musing of the smallest flies
And stand in the quiet agelessness
Of forest green
Like some passenger song hopefully forlorn
Swinging the beetle rhyme back  and forth to understand truly what they meant to express

But other days
My idealism and enduring belief
Falters
Like equations in the sky I can no longer read
Symbols popping into existence
Meant only to discombobulate
Towards the doubt
Of my own self
Retching the violent swaying
Of the ground beneath my feet

Sometimes I feel lost
Wandering out to sea

For something so independent
It's amazing how fast it caves
Craves and clings
To something
That seems so real
But just like anything else
It too can be broken

Like a child holding on to something
So hard it threatens to break
White knuckles braced
Glorifying in its embrace
Protecting
Coddling
Hoping to keep new
Investing so completely
There is no I without you

Your words screech like chalk board
Where criticism falls from your mouth
Loosing my feet ,buckled ankles, crawling like a wounded animal
After you
Trying to be strong when I am weak
Your hands are supposed to catch me
Comfort, it was all I ever ask of you
But  you turn your cheek to nothing but your own centered pain

As I lay holding the tremors of my insides
Bleeding ears bearing the tulmut in waves
Choking on my own misery
Self loathing and feeling worse for haven sought

Even in this I think
Of nothing
But the comfort of your arms
While you hurt me
Abuse my heart
I dream of being held
Turn towards your apathy
Like a moth to the beauty of a flame
Hoping to find something warm
Other than
Your blatant need to neglect my love

A *******
I become
Loving like a child
Eros
With blotted wings loosing everything for love

Touched by the sound of your sadness
I want nothing more but to comfort
But the static of phoned wire cannot satisfy
Making your lonely
A sickness I can not cure
Expressing my love is the limit to my aid
And hope it is enough
To dry your eyes.

There is no love here
    Where desperation meets necessity
Falling with the hope that nothing catches
   Waiting to give up