It's another day
But the humming humdrum buzzing in the back of my mind continues and I feel that frequency once more
That bubbling back water tune of my thoughts
Cranking out the Beatles, Bob Marley and that smooth electric Queen ride
While the passing bodies emit the chaos of collective electric sounds vibrating too fast and burning themselves out too quickly
But who am I to tell them to change the station

Click back to something comforting like a Train wreck into those lyrics that make you mellow and keep the heart both heavy and light
Where "she wears high heels when she exercises"
Meets "Imagine all the people.."

Instead of "throwing glitter on the floor" and dressing like a *****
The integrity of a person can be spelled by the inclination of their music choice at least in some part
Where the air headed meets the raging ostentatious celebrity
And the more level seeks words that have space in the general meaning of what it is to be human
Singing beauty up into the thoughts of man

Feeling the frequency of my own mind
And rubbing the fuzzy static of less developed
I am humbled by my selective out cast once more
And find that the understanding of my person
Is not meant to happen here
As much as I would wish them to see listen more closely if not to music
Then themselves

Feeling has become the antithesis to my being
The tumbling thinking ridge of my sanity seems mute
When words stick in dry throat
And your jabbing lance of perverse reason
Stings worse than lemon juice in the freshly
Singed skin
Still pulsating with the abuse of forked tongue

I have become the offering to the supremacy
That is your wit
Oh how your horns shine bright and the malice of your ego
Glints like slimy limestone
In the cave in which you stash your better half
The one not spoiled by the sheltered mentality
Of which you claim to have no association

How can you presume to tell I whom in your best interest did such minor affront to your person
That I am wrong
For gods sake I bought ginger ale instead of soda
You act as though I have poisoned your dog and slapped your mother
Looking for something small to defuse and use as a weapon
**** that!

If my countenance is so appalling that you cannot see what innocent slight you believe me to have done
Was done in favor of you
Wanting to promote the bettering of your being
Because I care
Not that I think you a child or incapable of doing things yourself
But ****** it's my money if I want to buy turkey bacon instead of pig
Ill ******* do it!
It's still bacon but without the **** that is processed into it!

Moreover should you ever analyze  you're own disgrace
I want you to see what you blew up in my face
While I provide and make sure you have
All the pretty little commodities you wouldn't have
Your spoiled nature and childish wines
Just affirm to me how
Secular you are inside
That you cannot see the view point of others and skew love with control

Blips of color greet the green leave wonder of evergreen bushes
The fluttering finally subsides and winged whispers hush
Leaving the night void of movement

The stars were brighter outside than normal
Sitting out freezing frozen numbed tips of blue
Curled tightly in jacket edge
Where I sat
In the stillness of evening
Watching the world wind down
Except the wind
Whose words went unanswered
Pleading the sane to find heated doors
And cozy bed clothes

But I never claimed sanity anyway
Who wanted that dull bias label anyway
Moreover who could claim normality in a world of individuals
It was peaceful here briskly captivated by moonlight
But I could not keep composure
The flat line balm ripped itself once more into frenzy

For you popped right back into my mind
As if you only left to grab a bite
Instead of locking yourself out in this cold night
You had to wander back inside
And muck up all the barriers and reassurances I had made myself
Leveling the levy
I had built so I would not drown in sorrow any longer

You with a capitol Y
The one thing that could both leave me in bliss and shatter the fabric of my being
Burn it so the pattern is left thread bare
The edges frayed
Gummed up like some ancient machinery left in the elements of your wrath
Or worse
Your apathy

My solace ruined
I regrettably turn in
Creaking rusted legs
And pluck the melancholy dew drops
Of love  from the heavy air

Can we just close our eyes
And pretend
A dream of time gone by
When your breath fell against
Pillows frothing with waved curl
Shining like copper in early morning

Skin chilled
The goose flesh of warm hands making waking a sensation
Tucking closer to the warmth
That spread with the expanse of your arms
Can we not breathe and forget that I am holding your voice to my ear
Instead of having it tingle
The heated murmurs of tone

Not the garbled digitized timber
Where us was more than
Me telling him that you are there
That the next guy I tell will believe me
If he hears about you one more time
Sees your picture and doesn't think me a loon
For having a spouse that is not there
You are not make believe

That I will wake up not wanting for your touch
The gift of your laughter
And how somedays you are the only one to make me smile
Can we pretend just for a little while

There was something special about this space
Like the walls spoke a language
The eves telling little secrets of comfort
Making this empty space feel more like home
Than that cramped apartment

Backyard wonderland like a child
I felt like butterflies and fairies could
Jump and flitter between leaves
Or goblins hobbling
To dance magic dance
The winking of mismatched eyes
Charming me out to play

Or possibly it was the dusty smell of closets
The socks stealing gnomes
Creeping around plain sight
Stashing keys and pony tails

Something made my weirdness welcome
My childish heart
Bloomed brilliantly
As if this space had waited
Stuck on some barrier between reality
To take me back
And make this old soul
New

Where do I go from here
Here being the limbos of choice
The frontal antagonism of option
Where each road looks similar spelling out the death of my heart
Stunting my passions and printing a mundane existence
Where I am burdened by a debt of responsibility
Bare scrapping change up off the pavement

Not filling willing minds with enlightenment joy and inner peace as I wish to be
My dreams as grand as the shining gold pillars of some ancient city
And wit as sharp as the Chinese whom discovered atomic theory much earlier than western thought had hoped

Where do I go from here
Do I take up refuge in some major that over times takes my mind into the spinning spiral of numbers
Crunching them down to bite sized bits so I don't choke on their rational?
How do i know  what is right
When I've found it and it has been deemed unworthy

How do I deny the self?

I should tell time by the words spoken
That way when death came knocking at least we would have conversation
Choose scheme carefully for it could mean one um to close to middle age
Two  I loves you's from adulthood

Words would mean more than the method to maim
Slander the budding of free thinking mind
Or take light from a flicking candle
If time could be stunted by vocal notions
Glodal pops and humming lyrics
Then lovers would never die
And poets would fade into
The everyday mayhap the fickle trickle back into the ether

The quiet would be lovely
Emoting the stillness of nature birdsong would fill the silence as it was meant to
And the air would not be littered with the dank smell of spit and betrayal

You could ask me the weather by motion
Dance me into existence with the way your eyes spark and the grace of your smile
Such language would be peaceful
Dreaming a dream
So calming I might not
Wake
For there was nothing to curse me from it

The muted manner of being
May transcend the busy buzzing of the rat track motion
Squeeking out their horror and joy
Such silence
Such relief
If words could tell time
Forever in bliss I would be