A solid echo to the empty room
Resounding off walls
The gasp
The plopping din of tears
A lonely light

Solitary
Screen white in the blackness
As I write
I sit here
Typing away
Cat purring
Curled as close as he can get
Watching a repeat of similar action

Stuffed up
Nose-drool
Shaking hands
The blue of eyes made more prominent by red
The aching echo of silent screams

Big green eyes witness
Me falling in on myself all over again
Cave into my being
Doubting that I'll find my way back again
Into more darkness
The void to my ongoing
Depressed state

Finding it better to be there; lonely
Numb
Than swallow the bitter pill of reality

I want to dull the bass-bound thumping of my own thoughts
The pounding of my own blood
Believe that I don't exist
Unlike what Descartes would have me believe
I want to be deceived.

Do you want to know why I can't sleep at night?
Why every time I think of you I choke on my own breath?
Why I want to shake you, kick, and scream, untill you see this grated pain that I live with?
It is the love I have gifted to you
And it is dieing
A slow and merciless deth

Slow rotting in its own chest
The metal teeth of your lies no longer comfort it
No longer pacified the beast that hungers for more
The things you promised but stopped delivering
Blotted blue, a blood turned red as it falls
Having been starved of the nutrients that gives it vigor
The reciprocity of mutual  connection

The stale sickly bile of backed up emotions poison me
Taint me
Ready to explode
Wanting not to hurt you by showing you what you have done

What you have bottled inside me
A love that could have moved mountains like it has done before
Killing me

Brutally with each day I wake
With each expectation you no longer fulfil
With each I love you from your lips
I die, the churning clog of ash
And the unforgiving malice
Of pretty words

Waiting for you to withdrawal
Even more
As if I were some old wound left to rot
Decay
Decompose there at your doorstep
To long forever a mummified homage to the hopeless
The loveless
The ******

It came like a sudden darkness, storming up and snuffing out the already fading light of dawn,
When I found myself floating, above the ground suspended on the backs of blue clouds that kissed the purple sky like a clinging lover
Chasing the movement of birds before my eyes I turned to stare down at the blackness beneath my toxic cloud of color, at the puke green sea covered in the orange foam of soda where what looked like the remnants of my breakfast that morning road the frothy waves.

Pink,
Pink
Pepto-Bismol stained whales attacked the early air blowing bubbles filled with what looked like Oreo cream screaming happily the music of contentment
A cry a loud mewling filled the acid induced happiness of the moment, yowling agonizingly, as if possessed by the spirit of pain itself.
Thumping, Screeching clash and the ***** of nails had me blinking away from my floating tea party within the sky and looking rather questionably to the hunky dream boat pouring me a fresh glass of tea,
His smile plastered by the very gods themselves didn't waver, and in my dreamlike stupor I thought nothing of it
But the terrified yowling, hissing, strange purr-mewl didn't stop.

The sky no longer a pleasant purple faded to a nasty shade of plum conjuring two disembodied chillingly green slated eyes
Frantic with irrational fear I panicked falling off my blue cloud to plummet towards the angry green sea below
Falling, Falling ever faster staring up at the sinister glowing ambient green eyes, whilst hearing that terrifying screeching yowl, from the Cheshire maw
Slamming awake with the tingling sensation of a ghostly belly flop, I find myself still staring up at those eerie green eyes.

This time surrounded by a flowing mane of toffee fur and speckled with tan zigzagging stripes of inky black,
Buddy, with his demanding meow of attention, insistently pawing my forehead with the command of a gentle rub,
Plucking my wings, and crippling me with a cuteness that only he can have.

When reason, spirit, and appetite meet
There-in my soul you do greet
A complicated mass of intention
Whose sole purpose is the want of attention
A stingy, selfish thing it is
But I am human
Of man.

And we are as selfish as a creature can get
For when the balance of these forces tip
Chaos of the soul
Mans weakness of will
The weakness of willing mind
To want
To hold
Something for all time

But a man made of mortal flesh
Cannot hope to beget
A love that is as immortal as the Gods
A love that is beautiful for all time

Goodness, and beauty are what we seek
A soul without love
Miserable and full of deceit
Of despair
Of mindful rot
Flaking off in fleshing decay
A loving heart is not meant to end this way

It is meant to mourn over the loss of life
To love a man/woman with all its might
To cry
To care
To kiss the morning with lamentations
To hold onto the feelings of sensation

A loving heart, a soulful mind
Is meant to imagine love for all time
Meant to dream
Never despair
Like breathing without air

But alas all I can do is dream
To write of love
But a wounded heart doth know
That before the burn, the ache
Of raw flesh
Salted
Prolonged in suspended agony

That there was beauty
There was magic
In the darkness of the night there was joy
Laughter in the alignment of her soul

Where her love was not new
But right where it should be
In her arms
Wrapped up
Held so tightly
She never thought of falling through

But no longer can she claim
Mindful retention
She could fall apart
One wrongful infliction.

I long for the tantalizing-turbulent taste of your being
The way you make love with the simple wordless-ness of action
The rhythmic motions of your body so close, an within mine
The sweat dripping slip of callused hands on my skin
How you SHOW me the words you speak
So often
So loudly
Quietly when we are alone
The love, I want to feel more that hear
Seeing they say is believing,

I want to
Touch, smoldering steady fire
That lingers in your heart
Not just rely
On the fallacy that
Words abide

But I haven't
Felt the burn of your desire
Or the subtle warmth of furnaced kiss
Nor have you "loved" me with
All the fierceness that I have
Come to depend on
The surety that alone would never change
When you would let me love you till the heat
Brought water spewing from smoldering eyes
How the redness of swollen lips lead to
Sweet words
On my tongue
My face
Communicating with the eyes alone.

I long for love
Long for the connection of
More than words
Having been lied to for a lifetime
Fed from a liers hand
Bitten to much to believe anything but what you show me
What you make me feel
Inspire me to do

And oh how I love you
You complete and utter manly mess
How I've tried to stand firm
On weak knees
Tiny shoulders aren't meant to hold the world
When knees fail
And the rock you should be
Is as feeble

How you bleed my heart
With the way you
Love me
Bleed it dry
A puddle I stand in
Daily
Waiting for you
Longing for you
To wake up
From whatever has taken you away from me

I long for you
Though you stand beside me
Close enough to touch
Smell
To reach
To touch your callused hands

And imagine what they felt like
To
A distant
Less drained
Me

Where I was happy
Where I was complete
Had not the other half
Of my soul, not but abandoned me.

How I miss it
The taste of tequila
Warm
Acidic
Slithering down the back of my throat
Blooming hot in my limbs,

Reaching each fingertip
Numbing
Bubbly sprinkle font
Shrouding my brain
In happy thought
Carefree wistful abandon


The burning choke
Of refer flower
Swaying my body to the
Rhythm
   Of life
      THIS MOMENT
   His taste
The beat of his drum

Thumping
  Thumping
      Pounding
Madness
So caught up in him
I no longer am

Hooked
Shared
With his cosmic love

Submerged in subs trance
Lost to the essecence of the right now
Def to the whispers of tomorrow
In this moment I
Exist

As I have longed to
To just be
Me
Carefree
Floating on Cloud 12
Because Cloud 9 is full of want to be's
Ignoring the rancid truth of reality

Lost to it
Within it
Attention held by one and many
The shuttering, shake of atmosphere

His breathe the back of neck chill
Goose flesh intensity
Tangled in sensation
Over-infatuation.

It comes in waves
Trimmers
Shaking my ribs
Rattling-loose bone
Surfing the surface of my thought
Making breath shallow

It stutters
In the rhythm of my heart
Pulling at tendons
Leeching at the life found therein
Sputtering-spindling
Thumping
Flat-line

The thought of you leaving
Killing me every time