Help me understand what I mean to you...
Help me clarify that I am something, cause im tired too..
Tired of the games and blues, filled with exhaustion from my heart buying in to your lies soo much its costin me,happiness...
I wanna know for sure!'show me an exact image! of reason, why be with him, if I known you longer than you been breathin?
All this teasin is misleading, do you want me? tell me! dont leave me hangin..
Im madden and sadden by the though he has your lips, what happens to me  if it last long, and  I just come around like a bad caugh.
I've lost...
What we had is old news, but i guess time shared holds no meaning in helping you choose.
Don't come to me if your confused, i refuse to help you and your trouble, for now on do you...
Cause i been doin me, never had a problem I couldn't solved em easily with alil alcohol and **** cause you cared less about me and more about him..
I was a friend the best there was, the best there is, the best there ever will be, one you'll probably will not miss.
Or even noticed, if I disappeared, Im just a ghost, a shadowed memory,  still wanna be wanted but its hopeless...truly hopeless, why I wrote this? It won't change a **** thing about her, why Am  I still hopin? Why I care? Why I dare to even mention your name know you wont come to my aid, your never there...
Always with another or him, not knowing who you want, i was wish i was in your option, I can do much more, but never gained a chance to prove, and you wonder why I feel summertime  blues....
Im the best, One you'll never loose..
Ima alot of things but theres a side I never get to show, a side you will love, but you always say no, not givin me a chance as if I was bronze not worth your Gold,
but listen baby im silver, way out there but a good catch, ima outfielder,
something you can be near uhh never shed a tear soo why you always out me?
Always doubt me, never wanna like me, knowing im the right piece,
always misplace me baby, i can clean up mess like a wipee, 
whipe your tears on my white T,
i wanna be your  lycan whose fightin for what he likes see? but I feel there's no time for me...so again  why am I writing????
I am just helpless, a romantic put on the shelf like an old novel,
these say stomach the pain, but I put these dead butterflies in a bottle...
alone in my household, holding close what I call ghost hopes...Dead long ago, now it just cold like the snow, could build a snow man, But I just say no,
Why bother like Stone Sour...it will never happen, I blacken with thoughts, cryin in shower.
Stressin myself because my heart feels like its in a cyclical orbit,
of doubt and hopes, a limbo that continues to lower my esteem
and stings with pain like hornets..

BY: Emmanuel Jv Hernandez
5/23/14
(might add and edit later depending if i doesnt flow the way i want or needs more insight to get across what im feeling)


comment what you think!!!!!

i spur with emotions, drinkin lots potions feeelin nautious yet still hopin,to come out this truth i cant stomach like vommit.
sick with the love bites im  scratchin, feeling whats left of my heart, a  fraction, my souls is cracked in, sea beast that dwells deep like the crackin,
my actions seem to hold no bounds,snortin pounds,
i keep gettin chained up like kratos, getting chased by hell hounds,
go around my mind, youll see a fault, of my own,
cant stand myself **** ***** im all alone
im pintched tight between **** i dont like,
i choose to be!! only me myslef and I be
dealin with drama , thats takin heavy not lightly.
just a thougth i always ponder.. to creek and somber,
into a sleep were river flows deep like my mind,and conscious.
i fight daily, mind body nd soul, im lossin myself im no longer a whole, ima shell of what i used to be, fill me up with slug, thats all i wish well...that you can recite as my eulogy..


BY: Emmanuel Jv Hernandez
5/23/14

I lay awake in bed holding my breath
grippin the sheets feeling close to death
Dreamin a world without you will have me feeling helpless and worthless less of a human being.

You make me better
I wish I known you sooner, I woulda never had let you get hurt,
having ya feelings growin in dirt,
like other losers.
on my knees tellin beggers cant be choosers,
on my knees with a promise ring tellin at least my love wont bruise ya.

Cause people took you for granted,
but no longer will you need a fistt,
all will you need is your lips cause ima have your hand in something to be,
future maybe?? Have another baby?
its crazy but thats life, when you pushin up daisy.

Mamita im lazy,
but my heart is not, it stands on two feet while holding its own just like you baby, it wants you as its crown.
So you can be held on top.
On top of my world and on my mind,
cause thats where you are in reality almost all the time.

Pardon my feelings that grow ahead of time, pass the ceilin thats just life on a heart monitor,
always on a thin line, cause you take  my breath away , barly breathin.

So dont mind my-
my sweet Dear, i only fear for for my heart to be taken or mistaken for something its not so I reveal my soul to you, cause thats all i got,
you on my mind alot and i think?
see I cant stop!
I dont know why? Ima hot head , with you in my mind im hot
in the skys like a star that been shot,
and the heat is commin,the hots for you have me burnin,

and im alil concernin i hope im not being played cause then  from this will, you defeat its purpose, and ima be back at square one again,
feeling worthless,
i open my self ahead of time,
so i pull open the close curtains so,
you can see thru my eyes in time you will know for certain,
that i am the realist! but i am not all perfect,
im just ahead of the curve like script cursive.

By: Emmmanuel jv Hernandez
7/6/13

**** this stupid game.
It's always the same.
We don't talk for a month or so, come back, and it's like you never left,
like you never changed.
You think I don't notice but I do.
I think about you every single day, religiously.
And I'm left wondering why it is you called in the first place.
Because you could just forget about me, leave me to live my own life
You could just let me forget about you, eventually I could, if I tried.
Instead you let me believe I've moved on from you and then suddenly
You.
You call.
Again.
I hear your voice.
It's like a signal
A signal to my heartstrings
Wait! don't let him go! they scream at me.
Please, he needs you! they plead with me.
I listen, because how can I ignore a cry for help?
I fall right back to where I was
I land on my face.
Who cares? Not you, not me.
****.
I love you, but you don't love me.
You should have just left me alone because now I'm back and this whole thing is just
****.
Here we go again.
This emotional coaster you've put me on
were you planning on letting me off?
Ever?

A Heart that Parts away from the chambers,That pump lies thru the veins with pain.A love that was crucified and died, sacrificed, and does behind a disguise.A mask.
That mask the past scars, the torn skin, truth ripped from the flesh left hollow and echos sorrow,
Faint in the distance, youth in the mirror,
Not in the eyes,tired of lies , eyes cry seeing human bein their nature.
Soo cruel  the pool of liquor im bathin my pours soakin the reality to of depression wastin every ounce of time blazin to relieve the stress of being puzzled in a maze,
Forsaken and disturbed to see the same face awaken shaking like the floor of order.
The door of opportunity leads to another border.
Truth itself holds no water,Takin so much in becoming a mental horder,
nothing new but the struggle, and only lived a quater.
When is there change ? im in need of aspoiler,or vent.
Like im exhaust, im exhausted from many losses, im lost and losed many calls from God.
Stop stallin God hear my repent im callin, so answer.
Thats all im askin ,
im tired of being bent, broke from bein spent,
sick of the cancer, sick of abuse.
I want peace of mind, can hell call a truce? living on the edge, Im hangin, danglin , souless  as a manikin, lost in the sky walkin,
High like aniken.
Im havin epiphanies, deliberately givin up my own liberty,
honestly my  honesty is now nothing no one acknowledge my poverty. My truth was rich, outta this world cosmically possibly the realist to ever grace reason modestly.

BY: Emmanuel jv Hernandez
1/16/14

you left me  like rotten food,
bitter and sour too,
cause you couldn't savor to the flavor of love that I catered you, never betrayed you,
So why? did you leave?
The only peace I have is ******* with these purples trees,
And I smash almost everyday mary jane,
Blazin on these leafs,
and still hurt all the same , I cant rid all this pain..
I thought we would be true with no masks, but your love had different plans boo,
Left me itchen a rash of questions while cutting myself too.
Ignorant to think we would last,
Lost in thoughts starring thru a wine glass.
The gates of life in the past were it haunts me and not you,
Feeling like straight trash , too much to mash and you knew.
All you did was laugh..
use me, abuse me,
Toss and threw me out..
Like im nothing
just cutt me off
am cast me out, and didn't unlock the coffin.
Any ties and every lie you told me, i thought was true, was straight bluffin.
Now its a surprise how i lost you and now im confuse everything that was about you is now more of me too.
Growing in pain, slowin in sanity, Dancin in the rain..
Looking at the sky wishing to die But I wont,
im Stuck up in the earth esteem lower than dirt
all I feel is hurt, how can i make it work?
I don't know where to go,
everywhere is close doors
all I do is feel, and the real just breaths thru my pours feeling so sore,
drinkin and thinkin more and more outta place,
cant find my face, Cant find the line to trace, Cant sea the shore to be sure
that ima just make it..
So ima just fake it, roll it and blaze it,
live thru the phases, work out these mazes,
and escape this fate to print my own destiny on its own pages.

BY: Emmanuel jv Hernandez
7/6/13

Heart is dark apart with marks of stitches from ******* who lies cut sharp.
I listen  and still miss them but time heal and wishes , come true once glue fills in my heart can beat for two.
Im just looking and hittin depression with hooks an waiting contemplatin if times is already wasted or wastin while im pacin drinkin till im feeelin that im lossin control on my actions, facin my booz not havin a boo, talkin  a slur waiting for a hey from her, but theres no her.Just me and this elixer cause I miss her, someone who don't exist but gives me a reason to vent other **** I have like tricks up my sleeve but these vents comin outta my left pit..
its a need to breath..
Vents from my heart and soul. feel im scuffed like soles, i can not center it all
i can not better this cold
I am just sick of it all,
im just bitter with aww, cute with a sensitive mind with an internal brawl.
Between good and demons who crawl thought of suicide in my head.
Puttin pictures of people i love into depictions of dead.
Wish it would go away,cause i dont have any lead,
I am the bullet, hollow in the head empty but only echos of shadow of what I could be.
Drift further and further away into the grey while I lay in bed
lookin at the cielin feelin some sorta way then going back to dreamin where its only an hour a day.
Insomnia strikes with a furry, as if I was the prey,as I pray..
My mind is primordial of a predatory intellectual state of mind,
im the predator  but I have no time to hunt, I rather stray.
Stray away from the status quot  , so i pack a bowl and light the stroll, i lack a home, but i rather to pray hov to keep the demons close cause they keep me on my tippy toes.
Life is a straw you choose to make it short, and abort cause you dont wanna be impregnated by wonder if you see the truths corpses.
Life hard to swallow like your throat was horse.
and stepped on by horses.
and burnt like paul walker porsche.
No remorse.
for the other other side, like split divorces.

By: Emmanuel Jv Hernandez
3/22/14