The walls are white
and a sickly green.
This night gown is scratchy
and too thin to keep me warm.
The nurses keep checking on me,
saying the doctor will be in shortly.
My dad had to work today
and my mom was sent to the waiting room.
Tick tock
I'm waiting.

The doctor's here.
He's asking how I'm doing today.

I want
to feel the warmth of your skin against me.
your lips against my neck,
the crook of my shoulder and collar bone,
against my ribs and hip bones.
I want
to hear your muffled voice, talking into my neck.
your breathing get faster, heavier.
I want
to see you smile after a kiss,
the look in your eyes after.
I want
this moment, right here,
right now, to last just a bit longer.

You told me all of these
lovely, wonderful, amazing
things that I had been longing to hear.
But when you said it all,
I had no idea what to say.
You said such beautiful things and I..
I stumble on my words and sound so clumsy.
So instead, I said nothing at all.
I smiled and kissed you
wishing I had the courage to speak.

What happened to the girl who was always happy?
A smile still there, but no longer true.
Her eyes show she's crying for help.
What happened to her confidence, her self-esteem?
Now lower than ever, barely there.
She hates her body.
Envious of her friends.
Tiny waist, perfect face.
She thinks of a razor and scans her skin.
Wondering if people will notice, if they'll care.
She thinks of anorexia.
Will they notice if she doesn't eat?
She's lost in this world of perfection and beauty.
Will she ever be found?
Drowning in her self-hatred
She cries and pleads,
For the day someone realizes.
The moment they see how much pain she's in.