what have you
noticed lately about the girl
with caramel braids
I heard her
hum a song once she thinks the moon
is brave for floating in that
gentle ink we call
the midnight sky
every morning hiding
every night waiting to die

what have you seen
lately does she stumble
when she walks
what's set her off balance
does her heart race
with the clock she whispered
in my ear once that she
thinks the clouds should sing
her daydreams sprint
beside her but without them
she could win

what have you heard lately
about the girl
with emerald eyes
they wrapped her wrists up twice
this time maybe just
a bit too tight
she told me that the Earth is
sore from holding so much weight
she echoes, and she's empty now
but she's glad she
did not change

what have you noticed lately about
the girl with caramel braids
I heard her
hum a song once yes she
thought the moon was brave
for floating in that
gentle ink she knew she'd never touch
every morning: nothing
every night waiting for love

mixed signals in my
forearms racing tampering with
my pulse
this ache was born but dies with you i
wish i could explain
i'd never felt
my bones agree with anything but
sleep but when your
finger tips
almost
traced my lips they
screeched their bold consent
"let him in oh let him in
let him have what's left"

Didn't love him but I could've
Didn't touch him but I should've
Everything fragile has an identity
You need to stay you need to love me
I'm not lonely but I miss you

Check your pulse for time bombs
Stop thinking beyond the here and now
I promise you've seen the last of me
I promise you don't fill my dreams
I'm not lonely but I miss you

I do not have to be sorry for
Just standing in the mirror,
Searching for the hole i can feel
Tearing through my skin I don’t
Have to apologize for sitting
On the tile way too fast and
Way too hard I don’t have to
Spell your name the way I
Heard it the first time because
Suddenly it’s different because
Suddenly it’s wrong i don’t want to
get up I don’t want to lift my heart again
It is buried in my hip bones it has
Weighed me to the floor I cannot
Speak about the bruises that left
Foam beneath my shirt
Screaming at each other til they
Snarled like dogs and spit

I stood in the field fidgeting with
My dress there was a blue stain on
My sleeve
I rubbed at it while they
Carried him by and wanted to laugh because
My uncles were making silly faces their
Eyes were big and red like the
Horn on my old bike my
Mom grabbed my wrist and
Forced a rose into my palm I
Wanted to keep it for myself but
Everyone around me threw theirs down black
Ghouls staining the morning sobbing
Staring at
The ground, each with a different reason that
“It’s really not his fault”
My father never gave me flowers he never
Even tucked me in but I
Remember hoping that the thorns would
Wake him up as I
Let go

I stalked through the gray hallway with my
Books close to my chest
A hauberk for the rumors and the
Guesses that they made I
Slammed her head into the locker when she
Looked up and saw me sob it’s just I
Didn’t want to tell her that
There was so much ******* blood
It soaked into the hours that I
Just stared at the wall
Hoping someone would just ask me
So I could
Keep lying to myself

I don’t know how to write about
All the things I wish.
I am
Ashamed to want to know him I am
Furious and cold
I don’t know how to love only to
Throw myself away
And I know that when I meet him I will
Want my flower back