A night sometime in mid-July
and darkness hums between the trees.
My eyes look across sodden grass
for another life to waddle past.

A creature,
a ball of bristles
appears from the bushes,
listen out for a snuffle, a mumble.

There, by the fence,
a wooden coat speckled with milk.
Its movement lazy like a man
on a summer Sunday walk home.

Does it come often? I wonder
as a breeze races over my lawn.
A sniff of a fallen branch
before shuffling along.

The evening crawls on,
a caterpillar over a leaf.
I decide to wait a while,
watch my guest awake, alive.

I wanna write all that you mean to me,
But that would take a trillion years,
A million pages,
A thousand life spans to get across,
Even when I wanna throw you across the room,
I'm enamored with sweet contagious affection of some demented kind,
I don't ever wanna hurt you.
And when I do, I feel hurt as well, Like someone bit my own arm off. It's like a self inflicted wound, by of course accident,
I didn't mean to cut the tip of my pinkie off, but when i did, it felt just like the time when I got you mad at me,
Cept 1 million times worse,
And if I dare one day see tears drip from thine own eyes, I **** the ***** that started the trickle, even if from me,
For you mean that much to me,
Not even my own life is worth saving, or caring about,
forget about me, for you consume all my days, every hour even the meaningless boring seconds I waste waiting for you,
They consist of you,
For you are the very essence of me
every little tiny atom was made for you

I think about this girl all the time
Most of these poems are dedicated to her
And I'm so grateful that her parents decided to play it free
Because it produced this beautiful young lady
The only thing left that can inspire me
You see, life is a dark meaningless pit for me
Depression a beast I can't put back on the leash
It took control years ago, leaving this broken son
Basically brain dead, unable to have fun
Enjoyment doesn't come to me, all I know is pain
So when I met this girl, my mind was blown
It rearranged everything I thought I knew about this game
For the first time ever, hope was present
Death not so inviting, life worth living
Something to look forward every day, giving me a reason to get up in the morning
Breaking the constant cycle of sadness and mourning
Her smile? Golden
And hugging her was my only heaven on Earth
The embrace of someone you loved, it can cure you of any hurt
So when the thoughts come back
And I'm chilling with those pills
I tell her I love her, she says it back
And I manage to survive a little longer in this world

The world is but an oyster
which we all are forced to inhabit
in a scramble of arms, legs and meaningful dreams.
A disaster in the wake.
A broken-hearted fowl.
A disinterested love interest
with a clasp on the bitter reality of rain clouds and hurricanes.
We lie in the waiting,
tell truth in the rush,
inpatient,
immoral.
We never really understood the world and how it rolls.

My grade school
burned down
twice.
Once in the 1930's
then again  in
the 50's.
They rebuilt,
there were two
large black and white
framed photographs
of the school houses
before both fires
hanging in the
main hallway.
At some point in
the reconstruction
someone had decided
on two boys
restrooms.

The one at ground level
was always clean.
There were small white
tiles and fresh blue paint.
It always smelled like
pine cleaner,
never ran out of
paper towels.
There was always
sweet smelling
liquid soap in the
shinny silver dispensers.
There were doors with
shinny silver
locks on the stalls.
It was a timeless
space,
pristine and somehow
preserved.
Free and unscathed
by the ugliness of
the world.

Then there was the other
one.
The restroom below
ground in the basement.
There were ground
level windows
with round wire cages
over them.
The view of the
***** untied
tennis shoes
attached to
saggy socks and
scabbed knees.
The children
ran about
with purpose
over every inch
of the playgrounds
hot black top
as I'd try
to guess who's
feet were who's.
There were no doors on
the stalls,
yellow stains beneath
every leaky
******.
Smears of rust around the
faucets ,
a coarse hand soap
in the often broken
dispensers.
More fit for prisoners
than students.
It smelled like
**** and was always
cold.

I don't know why
one was always cleaner
than the other.
Maybe it was an
unwritten janitor
law.
Maybe they seen it
as somehow lower
than the other.
I always chose the
basement restroom.
It just seemed more
natural to me,
it made me feel strong,
made it all feel more real.

Now after so many
hardships as I sit with drink
in hand or lay down
while high on some drug
I can't seem to  help
but look back and
remember.
Then ponder the question.
"Have I always been
meant to live in such a *****,
harsh environment,
even way back then?"

She condensates
a cloud of confusion
while her presence
continues protruding
from thoughts.

Not enough memories so the mind
can only replay the same  clips
and as I start to fall in love I can't
keep her name from my lips.

Only have we met while audio
is being played out of monitors.
Don't want to ruin this yet
so let me slow down as my heart
I begin to monitor.

Studying her words for a deeper meaning.
Consume this love and realize my words are a drug.

Keeping you up from sleep
as it's effects cause
you to grind your teeth.

The past I kicked to the curb.
They yell that my words
for her are absurd.

Admiring beauty.
Hung up on her like
I'm standing on the stool with
the rope necklace around my throat.

No time wasted.
Love is served for dessert
and I want to taste it.

[momma] just listen I'm in love.
You don't have to be worried.
She's beautiful and I know exactly what I'm pursuing.
You don't have to worry this time I know what I'm doing.

Hopefully this situation
doesn't become a mess.
And if it's consolation
just know that none of it is in jest.

Didn't mean to bother you like spam
but if you think this poem is about you
figure it out like an [anagram].

Hewn from rocks and pebbles, ***** murky beginnings.
Forgotten over time.
The harder you hit me, the brighter I shine.
The harder you rub me out, the brighter I shine.
The darkness you put me in, the brighter I shine.
The more you break me, the brighter I shine.
From all facets of light, through life and endless time,  I shine.
I am precious.
I am unbreakable.
I am strength unbound.
I can cut through you, and you will still desire me.
For is that not, what I was made to do?
I shine.
From the core.
Dig deeper and there you will find me.
A rich mans commodity.
A poor mans treasure.
I shine.
Keep me safe, and I will shine for you forever.

A bold pirate
vanquished King Phillip’s hapless galleons,
bathed himself in gold peso coins
manic fingers feverishly caressing the lucre.

Mindless with greed
he sailed into rough waters
where great whales watched
as gales ripped the grommets
that held the cords that secured the sails
and the great sheets collapsed
like canvas shrouds.

Still the pirate caressed each coin
ignoring the rogue waves
oblivious to the grand schools of whales
gathering around.

Singing in chorus
the great behemoths mused
patient in their knowing
man’s treasure destiny is always
on the floor of the deep ocean.

The captain sank with his ship
his pockets laden with lustrous gold
and his silk shirt billowed in the current
like a flag announcing his descent
to a place where he could not breathe
and nothing could be bought
and the whales slaps their flukes
on the water’s surface
in thunderclaps of applause.