a fresh cigarette sleeps on my lips
my eyes are full of onyx and ink
my lips drip with rubies and ember apples
as i wait
i can still taste your fire on my teeth
and feel the bruises your eyes left on my back
every bite mark on my skin glows in the dark
stars the decorate my snowy universe
my hair glitters with the dust from Saturn that you sprinkled over me and my skin is iridescent from the plasma you injected into my pores
i felt your universe inside mine
and every star exploded
every planet crumble at our feet
galaxies shattered
the sky fell
and the sun lost its mind
when we were done you stole the night and wrapped us up in silky indigo
and whispered i love you into every surface of my skin

My eyes hurt from all the crying i have yet to do
I've been holding them in
diamonds grating my eyelids to shreds
i want smooth pearls on my face
but i am afraid that if i let them go
my grip on sanity will follow like sheep
darkness will drink it down like wine and have its way with me
should i open a vein or my tear ducts?
which will hurt more?
all i can feel is pain clinging  to every ***** for dear life
i can taste it dripping from my teeth
i sense my tears
i sense my blood
both clicking like metronomes in my skull
the hope i keep grabbing at is air that teases my fingers
if i keep falling from the sky I'll surely hit hell one of these days

we're sleeping in the sky
and eating the sun
our bed is Orion's belt
my pillow is the moon
we could run all day in the stars
and swim all night on the tails of comets
you keep galaxies in your pockets and i keep constellations on my fingertips
so ever collision makes gravity rethink itself
we've spent centuries ******* plasma out of nebulas
and playing jump rope with Saturn's rings
i want to be in constant supernova with you
and wrap myself in your universe

Ringing in my ears my metallic sings to me
a sweet melody sending frenzied notes to embed themselves into my brain
my wrists are white roses and blank canvas waiting to be painted red
I'm a warrior ready to slay my demons with a sword
a knife sits some where in a kitchen drawer
still singing and all i can taste is silver spit

Once you flip the addiction switch there is no escape
it becomes part of your DNA, a code stitched to a piece of your soul
Since the first time i kissed my wrists with something sharp i was taken under its spell
Even when you stop cutting you're addicted because every day you have to think constantly, "No, don' do it. Don't write your problems on your arms."
Every day until i die
that's the choice you make when you do dangerous things
you play with fire and you get burned
and I'm ashes my friend
ashes to ashes, dust to dust, blood to blood.
cutting is not a way for me to get attention or pity
its many way of control
when your life is swirling around you in a spiral of puzzle pieces that don't fit control is key
cutting is control
and as much as i fill these white pages with lead and tired words, it will never amount to the pleasure i get from filling my wrists with blood
i haven't cut for x days but that doesn't take back the 6 years i destroyed my skin or make me any less of a cutter
I am a cutter on hiatus and old habits die hard
I'm okay for now, but there is nothing more powerful to me than singing metallic

breathe in, breathe out
take a hit to fill my lungs
the smoke makes the tingles run
up my body
down my spine
green clouds fill my mind
hazy
lazy
crazy night
my head is taking flight
forgetting sorrows, forgetting pain
only numbness can take over my brain
unstoppable
all possible
spread out wings to fly
there's nothing better than getting high

Way to go.
You're about to abandon me
Again.
I can't believe I'm surprised
After everything you've put me through
All the tears that went to waste crying over you
All the years I spend practically dying because of you
You ****** me up.
Do you understand that you are a DRUG ADDICT?
Do you know that you used up all of our money on you?
Not your wife
Not your kids
But on you
Do you  understand that hitting me left permanent bruises?
Do you know how it feels when your own father tells you that he doesn't love you?
It makes her want to die
Its because of you I started cutting my skin
I've wasted more blood on you than tears dad
I drank until I blacked out, all for you
I got ***** when i was 14 because of you
My first experience with *** was a mix of alcohol and tears
Where the **** were you?
All the drugs I've taken
The Xanax, the ****, the coke, the acid
and whatever else I swallowed or snorted or smoked
To get you out of my ******* head
All the eviction notices
All the loss
All your fault.
You made me wan't to die
You hurt me so much i wanted to not exist anymore
Then you moved away and didn't speak to me
Left the crazy girl to die
Insane
Broken. Used up. Out of life.
You came back eventually
But its not you anymore
Where is the man who used to called me his little princess
I've become a woman without you
After all of that, i still have a relationship with the man who calls himself my "father"
But blood obviously means nothing to me
I am the only one who still loves you
I don't get it. You're leaving again.
So way. to. go.