You're more than I
will ever be
I'm two parts you
and one part me.

time is strange
things that will be were
and things that were will be.

and it's all now
it all was
it all will never be

all of it will
all of it did

and we're in the now
but that's relative
because we were in the now
before
and if that was the now then
where are we
                                                              ­ now?

good days
are becoming
            few
    and
               far
                              between.

And it should be the other way around.

1
      I would go to the edges of the universe
      to see your face light up like that again
      you wouldn't even walk a block
      to say hello.

1
      I would do anything for a machine that could bend time
      and your thoughts and direct it all back to that time
      you  smiled
      and thanked me.

2
      You do everything right
      but it's all wrong
      it's not real.
      I can't touch it.
      You can't feel it.

3
      We can talk and talk and talk and talk
      I know you like the back of my hand
      and yours.
      I do.
      You seem to have forgotten.

4
      You're not gone
      but you're not here
      I thought you were.  

1
      It's been years
      don't you remember?

" I like coffee. "
I say this all too often when the truth is
I like the way it makes me feel.
I like the sugar I add.
I like the cream and the way it swirls.
I like that it is more sophisticated that hot chocolate.
I like the way it warms my hands.
          all these things go away, though.
I do not like the way it makes me crabby after an hour
I do not like the way it tastes without the extra sugar
I do not like the still blackness when there is no creme to lighten it
I do not like how it doesn't remind me of childhood
I do not like how cold my hands feel when you--
when it is taken away.

Longing
for the days when I didn't know what sad meant
when serious was an idea used only to describe a teacher who didn't joke around.
when I was going to write the next great novel, the next hit musical
when friends were in high supply and it didn't matter that my hair was never brushed
when I played an instrument taller than I because I could
when I cried when I missed the second day of school
when the grass was my favorite place to sit
and moving our legs was more important than shaving them
when i didn't have to watch my words because everything was perfect and what could i say wrong
when the only pain i felt was a skinned knee
and the only loss was of a tooth.
simple is better.
i wish we could all understand.

We're dropping like flies out here and it's only been a few weeks
but already I'm over my head and that's where my heels should be
I'm not an expert in things I've never done and everyone says things
that make sense but that's where it stops. Nothing makes sense except for words.
And by words I mean thoughts because goodness knows the sentences  in my analytical
essays have horrible syntax and my calculator seems to be having problems with that too.
I get through everyday because of the people but the people also make it worse.
Everything is a dance and one wrong step can send everything spinning wildly out of
my control and into the hands of whatever powers compel people to label themselves and others.
Not those labels. the good kind. but the ones that tie us down so tight that if that rope is frayed
everyone knows that something is amiss. And I'm still figuring out if it's possible
to have too much empathy. Because putting people in front of me is the right thing to do
but I'm getting nothing in return and I thought putting people in front of me would
give me a shield when all it really did is let them get a head starts and I'm not selfish.
But I need to put myself first and if that means fraying the labels then so be it but frayed rope
is still made of the same material and though it points out in every direction it is still there.
I hope you know that.
And by you I mean me.
We're dropping like flies out here, all for different reasons. All for the same one.
I'm going to get through the days and I'll try not to keep track of the minutes.
Because flies have a lifespan of three days, and I've lasted years, so what use are minutes
anyway.