if the monster has never touched you then consider yourself lucky
your thoughts, actions, and daily routines revolve around the monster
it eats you up and takes you over
it scratches at the back of your mind with razor sharp claws,
laughing while you **** yourself trying to fix everything
it wants you to hate yourself
it ruins you with the idea of perfect
the problem with perfect is that it's unattainable and out of reach
and you won't ask for help because you're never sick enough
you're useless and disgusting and you have no will power
the monster won't let you forget it

so if the monster ever tries to introduce itself to you
run as fast as you can the other way
and don't ******* look back

Empty promises haunt me and stab at my heart with daggers
A lonely thought wanders and dances through my jaded mind
It whipsers to me that I will get what I want but I can't tell if it's lying
Words can be manipulative and convincing just like I can be
This is my mind taunting me; showing me consequence

I know myself as one person but maybe I am another

I remember when you used to sing to me

You are my sunshine

You hated your voice and I loved it

Mostly because you were singing to soothe my sorrows

When tears were rolling down my cheeks, melodies were rolling off your tongue

And I loved you for it.

I placed my gaze dangerously on the abyss.
I didn't jump.
Instead I pondered it.
"Nobody understands." I thought.
I felt the anxiety and sadness to its full force.
I let the curiosity of no return overwhelm me.
I suddenly felt such a passion and love for the life within me.
Where did such a love come from?
All the time leading up to this I'd felt it wither away and now,
when I decide I'm done with it, it comes back.
I've been cheated.
My own heart tells my mind lies.
Are they not friends?
Other people can let go; free fall. Not me.
Though many times I've convinced myself I would jump, I was lying.
Though many times I've convinced myself that I was over you, I was once again lying.
In previous dreams this would be the part where I would back away from the ledge; I'd reel you in.
Only this time, you showed up and pushed me over the edge.
Everything was different now.
Forever?
I had wanted this, hadn't I?
The sad part is that even though you caused this suicide to be a ******, I will forgive you.