i remember crying
when my mum's coat
smelled of cigarette smoke
because i didn't want her to die
i remember not getting out of bed
the morning after that one boy
kissed someone else
because i wanted to be her
i remember cutting my skin
when i realised
they all left me
because i needed them
i remember feeling disgusted
when i was the one to smoke
and kiss someone else and leave
all because i was so broken
and you should know i'm sorry
and i hope you don't cry
i hope you get out of bed
i hope your skin is whole
i know you love me and i'm sorry i made it so difficult. remember that one night where you held me and tried to talk me out of destroying myself? yet i walked away, smoked all the cigarettes i was offered in less than 30 minutes, kissed someone else even though you've been in love with me since i was 10 and left you. and after that i realised how messed up my life was, and i changed it completely. i'm recovering now. i haven't smoked ever since that night, i wouldn't dare to touch my skin with anything sharp, i'm not depressed and i'm not leaving anyone who needs me. you made me realise that i deserved to do better, and i'm sorry if i hurt you in my way of figuring out life. but i'm doing much better now and i'm very thankful to have a silly little boy like you, who can't stop loving me no matter how much **** i get myself into. and i'm very sorry that i can't make my heart feel something it won't, because you deserve for someone to care as much as you cared for me that night. thank you and i'm sorry.