The blaring sun looked down on her crisp naturally beach blonde hair so powerfully that the boy who had a crush on her for the past 5 excruciating years of his 17 year life could see her from miles down the shore. That one day in the summer that everyone remembers. These days always just seemed to have that one extra cool, extra awesome, extra something, that we all searched for until the next boiling hot summer came around the corner. That one day at the beach was it for the boy. That day meant the world for him in many more way than a hundred, let alone one. It wasn’t because he got the girl in bed, got a date and won her in the end, or even kissed her. It was the day he understood what everyone had called “growing up”.

How does this happen,
how do you get to me like this
how are you able to reach out to me
how are you possibly hearing me right now-
when I cant even hear myself

Knowing you have looked at me before makes the butterflies come back
And with every glance you take its another blow to the stomach.
Every smile you crack makes my heart skip a beat
And every step you take closer to me is another moment in time where I cant breathe.
Each time you touch me another nerve goes numb.
I go numb, I cannot feel, see, hear, nor speak,
Because I am so captivated by your presence.
I just want to be with you,
I want to be able to sense your butterflies
Feel your stomach cave in when a blow comes
Hear the skipped beats of your heart
See you gasping for air when you cant breathe
Feel you going numb and losing senses.
But most importantly I want to be the reasons why these things happen,
Because to me you are ALL the butterflies, sinking stomachs, missed heart beats, shortness of breath and numbness in my body.

I could say that 2 am knows all my secrets
but its because I talk to you, that 2 am knows this.
I want to say that 3 am doesn't knows all my lies
but only because these lies swim from my mouth and flow into your ears
that you hear them and accept them and never question.
I would say that 4 am knows my fears
but we all know that’s an understatement
for you must know losing you or losing myself are my biggest fears
and those, those are nightmares.
I need to say that 5 am knows how to make my nightmares into dreams when I cant sleep
but sadly the dreams always turn dark and hell-like.
I should say that 6 am knows my smiling face and happy personality
but who are we to kid, that face is mask that we put on when we wake,
to avoid the world from the harshness and cruelty.
I believe it when I say 7 am knows I am the best actor the world has to offer,
for you see, no one knows the way I am like the hours of the morning.
2 AM knows my love for you is stronger than anything else,
3 AM knows knows the hidden lie behind every truth,
4 AM knows I am never as strong as I say I am,
5 AM knows how to create the best nightmares,
6 AM knows how hard faking it everyday isn't easy,
7 AM knows who the Oscar goes to in the end.

Every time I think I heal I see another wound slowly appear
A wound caused by god knows what,
A lie, a rumor, a comment, a blow to the chest.
But in the end does it really matter what caused it when your stuck trying to live with it.
And for the ones who don’t know how hard it is ,
they can never fully understand how hard it is sometimes
to keep the trigger away from the light and hide it away, out of sight
“Out of sight out of mind” they say
God are they wrong
When it’s out of sight it only reinforces the need to see it
And once you see it it’s all you can think about.
The thoughts consume you and invade your mind, until all that is left is a shell of who you were.
Exactly like the empty shell of a bullet that’s been left on the ground of a crime scene.
A crime scene,
Is that what you want to be remembered as?
A CRIME SCENE,
YOUR CRIME SCENE,
THE LAST PLACE YOU TOOK A BREATHE.
The place where you could no longer last,
so you gave up.
is that really you?