four years later i sit
still on my bedroom floor.
my heart
no longer in my hands
instead cradled by my ribs
back where it belongs
someone finally showed up
someone finally placed it back inside.
the person
id waited all those years to meet,
that person
was me

teach me
to love 
the way you do
unconditionally
passionately 
erotically 
teach me
to open my heart
the way you do
so vulnerable
so comfortable
so beautiful
teach me
to view the world
the way you do
with open eyes
open hands
open heart

watching you fall in love with someone else
is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do
and it hasn’t even begun.

we weren’t two people in love
just two people learning what they want
and need in love

thank you for forcing me to look inside myself.
thank you for forcing me to face my fears.
thank you for forcing me to fight my demons.
thank you for seeing my pain.
thank you even though you are the one
thing i lost
through it all.

i am torn between two paths
wanting to separate
and wanting to conform
wanting to be unique
and wanting to be the same

                                                 i need time away

you’re wild
you run with the wind
you belong to nothing and no one
and i’ve always been afraid of telling you this 
because i was afraid you’d leave
but i forgot that saying nothing
wouldn’t change who you are.
this side of you was so enticing
charming
alluring
it was all i'd ever wanted to be

how many hours of my life have i spent
sitting on my bedroom floor
with my heart in my hands
waiting for someone
to place it back
inside me
so that i might heal
into what i do not know
since that person never came
and that gaping hole
has not healed
now
all i can do
is wonder