To long for a state of chaos:
When everything inside you is purely chaos itself.

To long for a true state of chaos on the outside,
can seem so calming

For then there is something present to worry about,
and it’s not just “all inside my head”.

every memory of you
every song that is ours
every aspect of your very existence
makes me want to weep;

of happiness
of sorrow

for the inevitable reality of having you,
is that I one day must loose you