I hope you knew I was serious
When I said you were like my sister.

I borrow your purse,
And you borrow my shoes.

Sometimes we fight,
Sometimes we lay on my bed
        and giggle at silly romance novels.

We go on shopping trips
We share music.

Sometimes we bake together.
Sometimes we drink together
        (Mostly just you, but I keep you company)

I know you feel alienated and awkward
I know you like to keep your emotions to yourself

But I like to think we're close.
I'm going to believe that you feel the same.

The windows are rolled down
The wind tosses my hair
Already curly, it turns into a tangled mess.
Later he'll calm the storm
And run his fingers though.
He'll grip it tightly
And pull me in for a kiss.

The radio plays loudly
But in the passenger's seat I can barely hear it.
My heart is beating in my ears
His hand is resting on my knee.
He grips it tightly
And leans over for a kiss.

Lips touching in the dark
Blind caressing, a caught breath -
"What are we?"
Silence.
"In love."

Greedily *******
So cold
and wet.
Throat sticking
Needing sweet,
immediate relief.
Calamitous spill
Like river
through gorge.
Morning desperation
Drink until
water satiates.

Sometimes no isn't enough.
Sometimes there is no escape.
Sometimes there is pain.
Sometimes there is no water hot enough
or in abundance enough to wash away the
disgusting feeling of being used.

Sometimes you can't scream loud enough.
Sometimes you can't kick hard enough.
Sometimes you can't cry enough.
Sometimes you wish you could just fall
asleep and never wake up and you pray that
no one will find you feeling so low.

Because the only thing worse than feeling this badly
is when someone asks, "Why?"

My heart catches in my throat
And I can't breath.
My eyes sting and I choke back emotion.

"Life brings disappointment and happiness
But the good outweighs the bad..."

Since when?

We have never had to compete.
You are so much older than I am
So much prettier
So much wittier (you have said so yourself).
You are healthy
Not very wealthy
You proclaim your wisdom.

But I don't think you are as wise as you think.
With your doctorate,
You may have book learnin'
But you never learned how to be a part of our family.

I don't live in a liberal state
I don't eat all organic things
I am not involved in as many things
as you feel I should be
But I am trying to find my way
Without destroying our mother.

Every time you come
You bring chaos
And hurtful words.
You bring blame and hate
And you spew it.

You never think of anyone except
For yourself
And you twist the truth
In your mind,
Like you lied about being kidnapped,
Until you believe that you are the wronged.

You don't feel safe?
I don't feel safe with you.
I'm glad we don't compete...
There's no way I could win,
And hurt Mom, or our sister, or our nephew...
Or anyone
As much as you do.