I loved you
Those words don't sum it up
I adored you
So much that it tingled in my soul
It hurts to admit
Because it pours out
Like a down pour in Seattle
There's some kind of nostalgia to you
A welcome place an odd home
I had such desire for you
It drove me insane
When the illusion broke
For just a moment you had the feeling of home
Yet no matter what happens now
The loss is always mine
Your head is high in the clouds
Though I would wait forever
I desire a love in this life
A great love, my best and dearest friend
The one who's fingers will wrap around mine
I loved you
Yes it's in past tense
I step forward still searching for the soul
Which will lay next to mine

How many hours have we chatted?
How many hours have we laughed?
The great weight of sadness, it fills me
Knowing I will never return to see you
I will never want to after these moments have passed
The lonely moments in the night when we used each other
In ways that we should've just walked away from
Those time when we would've been better off
If we had never met, never said hello.
I wish it could've stayed as it was
I would be your friend and you...
You would be one of my hopes
Now I just feel like a fool
Failed and
Disappointed

There had been you
In my life for so long,
It would keep that way
I had hoped,
But I knew that all good things end
They must, it is only natural
That I would be heart broken again
The tears will come later
After I have gotten onto the plane
The sadness will leave
After time has passed
I will miss your voice and laugh
Such a dear friend,but I know
That you think nothing of me
You are caught up on hopes
For a woman that is unattainable
Someone who you see as perfect
Well this is our collision my friend
We all make interesting choices
I would've chosen you everyday
Though I know you would be the first
To leave me by the roadside
Almost strange how it took a decade,
A few bad choices and your words
For me to realize how we differed
In our value of people, friendship and love
I won't forget your my dear
But I will let you go
I've done it before
I just never thought it would be you.

so far in this poetry memoir ive left memories of three men....im done now as you might have seen from my last works...at 26 years of age, i take a vow of singleness...batchelor hood if you will....for i know love will never find me

it would be better if i could smile/ if life wouldnt throw curb ***** at me constantly/ im not that old/ im not than young/ but i seem to be in a perpetual state of less fun/ i wish you were still here/ constantly laughing with me/ we had such fun/ didnt we ?/ i though we did the whole time/ though you proved me wrong and out of rhyme/ saying i couldnt be anything to you/ couldnt be more than nothing to you/ i couldnt understand your indecisive mind/ one moment i was perfect/and right in time/ then the next you didnt want to see my face for fear of the time/ oh dear pan, dear prophet, dear destiny dear fate...just leave me be for i feel im too late/ love will never find me now/ i will be a maid/ so now i take this vow at this drinking stage/ no more will i love any of human kind in the way that a man loves a woman with such time/ no more will i search/ no more will i hope to find/ ive given up/ given in/ leave it to father time/ im drunk/ im tired my heart aches with pain/ i cant take anymore/ ive got no more to give/ in hope and in faith i retire from all this/ no more lovers/ no more spring time tiffs/ there is no point to it all/ no worth at all/ i now have decided to stop/ this stupid odd thing called love

If I could explain your words
if i could explain my heart break
i would
with all the words in the world i would try
I would try to tell people why
why you couldnt love me
why you wouldn't see me eye to eye
yet i dont know the answer to my heart break
tell me
i would love to know
you werent mean or terrible
you didnt lie cheat or steal
no
you just said
i could never see you being my girl
I was everything adorable
everything sweet and girly
so much that you couldnt believe your eyes
im wonderful, beautiful, you wanted me to meet your mom
but then
suddenly
i wasnt the prize you wanted
you could never see me marrying you
never see me loving and caring for you
who told you such lies
its okay, no really its happened before
my heart has been broken
ive heard it all these words before
I did nothing wrong you said
how is that
such confusing terms you had
im so lost in that
my drunken mind spins now
i hope you are happy now
you think that everything will be perfect
well you had something great!
i would have been there no matter what
taken care of you
and played with you
and been your best friend
but you didnt want that
no one seems to want that from me
its okay
you see
im used to it
im over it
i know no one will ever love me
im sorry to wallow in self pity
this isnt the first time my heart has broken in two
though i didnt think it would be because of you
we got along so well
no problems were dealt
yet you made them up in your head
saying it would never be me
thanks for the heart break
just so you know
giving back a whole heart
isnt that easy without dropping it once or twice
making sure it shatters on the floor
you may not have ment it
you may not have wanted to break it
but you did
more slowly
more painfully than the violent bullies from before
thank you
for showing me that love will never find me
that love will never be in my cards
i wish things were different
i wish it didnt hurt but i does
and the worst part is
you still hope to be friends