To the first boy I ever loved:
I don't see your face anymore.

To the only boy I ever loved:
I no longer hear your voice.

So finally we meet no longer,
because finally I'm too far gone.

Pictures of the past year
Slowly flood my mind
Pictures of the memories
Of things we left behind.
I've learned so much through growing up
That I didn't know before
I've learned that love can hurt you
But leave you coming back for more.
I've learned that you'll lose people
You thought you'd always know
And sometimes you should hide your feelings
Instead of letting them show.
If you don't expect things
You never get let down
I've learned that you can scream inside
Without making a sound.
I've learned pictures don't replace memories
You'll still wish you were there
And the one who said they always would
May suddenly just not care.
Among all of the bad things
I've learned that there's good too
And at every story's end
Is the start of something new.
So here's to all our yesterdays
And whatever tomorrow brings
Here's to all you've done for me
For giving me my wings.
You've changed my life in countless ways
You taught me how to fly
Now I'll do something for you
I'll turn and say goodbye.
I wish you luck in finding
Everything you're looking for
You're the strongest person I've ever met
My friend, my love and so much more.
I was blessed to have you in my life
Even if only for a while
Promise me that no matter what
You're always going to smile.
Know no matter what you do
You're always in my heart
That I'm only a phone call away
No matter how far we are apart.
Maybe someday we'll find each other
And start this love again
If not know I'll always love you
No matter how this ends.
Now it's time for us to smile
There's no reason to be sad
I'll always be grateful for you
You were the best I ever had.

love is
the sound of the voice of a girl who lives
3,781.8 km away
who calls you just to hear you say
Hello,
i love you,
i am not only here
but i am
listening.
Because long distance charges don't apply
to those who have telephone wires attached
to their hearts.

love comes
in waves of
strange connections,
painstaking inventions
that enable
the sad to meet the sad
the sick to meet the sick
where only a fragile minority find each other and decide
to stay and not feed each others
insatiable demons
because there is a mutual understanding
of what it is to be at war with oneself
constantly fighting to get through
another day
where something as small as a
hello,
i love you
is enough to make you want
to stay.

love is
a series of lessons you learn
from a girl
who is wise beyond her years
who is too young to be so sad
who is too smart to be so uncertain
who is too brilliant to realize her own
abysmal radiance.

Dearest Hillary,
in exactly one month
you will be greeting me
with the same open heart you always have
the only difference is
i will finally be able
to feel
it
beat.

shadows shuffle with thin letters over heads--
people try to escape the downpour of
Nature’s sadness or self-renewal.
They splash their confusion and unawareness--
the anger of no preparation.

Perhaps it’s Reality’s stupidity,
but they run to safety, warmth, comfort--
the arms of Acceptance that bring contentment--
warm coffee and eskimo kisses;
fingers on clocks vanquish light and

defy some sense of logic we deem
scientifically relevant. Suddenly, life’s bruising is as fresh as wet
pavement--as fresh as your hands--eager and innocent—
racing to find every curve, hill,
valley of my willingness.

I am sore from phantom kisses-broken
from abandonment—a coward’s half-assed fight.
As rain cheats the sun, I have been cheated
with songs that are just songs--words as paradoxical
as rainfall and sunshine harmonized.

As it rains, I don’t move--but
I feel it run; through my hair--down
softness and skin--as familiar as your hands--dust trails
embedded in my closed eyes—people, you and I, aware.
Silently, Reality knows that time—fingers on clocks--vanquishes nothing but itself.

I sit alone in a darkened room,
Eyes panning in optical zoom,
I stare hard into the black,
Waiting for them to attack,
They're always sneaking into my dreams,
Making things feel worse than it seems,
I'd ask them to leave it's too late,
Using my fear as a form of bait,
They'll never stop from eating me away,
My soul is bound to soon decay.

To live or to die I shall remain,
As I watch you go insane,
Try not to worry or have any fear,
For I will never shed a tear
But now I hide in the shadow of protection,
And hope that you are only a projection,
A crazed creature of my imagination,
A closely detailed illustration.

Not about love or life.
Not about sun and snow.
Not about hate or politics.
What more ought we know.

Not philosophy, psychology or history.
Nor horror, adventure or mystery.
Whether on sea or land,
it will not stand
in the vast oak court of reality.