Number 12 we trust
Lead us to the Superbowl
Yeah Aaron Rodgers

Look
I'm sorry I stood you up.
I could offer lame excuses
but they would mask the real reason why I left you hanging

I stood you up because you make me nervous
You are unapologetically unique
and I'm disarmed by how open you are
I feel like I could look into your eyes and see to the depths of your soul
and I'm not sure I would understand what I saw

So I avert my eyes,
Pretend I forgot about your invitation
Pretend I lost your number
I'm not strong enough to encounter your strength

And now, with feigned indifference,
I've built up a wall between us which will be almost impossible to tear down
All because I was afraid
I was afraid of you
because you're different

But more than that
I was afraid of myself

I was afraid that your beauty would make me realize how plain I am
and was afraid of the painful self-reflection that would bring

You see, I don't understand
how to have serious conversations with people
I don't understand
how to build friendships
and something about eye contact makes me want to retreat to a safe, solitary place

I wish I could explain my selfishness and self-loathing to you
I wish I could make you understand that I stood you up
not because you're different or because I don't like you
but because I'm afraid of myself

It's not you, it's me.

Outside there is Life
Vitality
Freedom
There is Joy
Love, Friendship, Community, Faith, Individuality, Hope, Confidence
Outside there is Life

Inside there is cold
sadness
a broken spirit
there is fear
frustration, anger, boredom, confusion, loneliness, desire but no fire

God did not give me a spirit of timidity, they tell me. He gave me a spirit of courage.
But I cannot feel it.

Let me go
Permit me to take off,
running through the brambles and long grass
past the trees, through the ice

Let me reach the runway
picking up speed as I sprint across the barren ground
erasing all memories of blank gray
as I prepare to enter the sky

Let me fly
let me take to the skies by my own devices
leaping, dancing, however I choose
just let me spread my wings

Let me see
beyond the clouds, let me find the sun
feel its rays, absorb, soak in the warmth from its blaze
get as close as I can to capture some of its brilliance without burning

Or better yet, let me burn
let me crackle, sizzle, ignite, rage, explode!
let me truly live
constrained by nothing, soaring through and beyond the clouds
to the very core of the sun
Let me radiate the sun's light for all to see