Do I startle you?
I can engulf you,
I can make your tongue swell,
Swivel dance do twists unthinkable slither upside down,
Into the grooves at the roof of your mouth,
You’ll take me to your grave,
Til Death do us part, my sweetheart,
I will be etched into your cold slab of stone,
Immortalised there,
Forever

For the times we used to share
Repressed now
In my memories
Echoing at me back and forth, all the time yet
Never will I ever forget,
Don't you dare turn your back on me
Since you've changed it's not the same; it
Hurts
I** know you have moved on but
Physically, I'm still here

I am here and I am broken,
My life a gift or given token,
My mind is completely shattered,
Nothing ever stays the same
I'm the girl he singled out,
I had to play his game

He took my will and set it free,
One love lost; not meant to be
He was now my first mistake,
He made me watch my friendships break,
And now revealed all that's written:
Love isn't real; love's forbidden

Walk in a field with me,
Settle down with me,
Make flowers with me,
Make love with me.

I’m struggling to find you,
Lost in a swirling storm of memories,
You used to be mine, surely
Yet I’m struggling, indefinitely, to find you.

You held my hands once,
Whispered you’d love me ‘til time stopped,
Where have you gone?
We were like hearts encompassed in a world of ice.

Crack me open and deliver my soul,
Weld it onto your own and we will love,
Imprint your lips onto mine,
And we will love.

I cannot find you.

I was sat on the bathroom floor,
the wet, hard floor,
Trying to make myself sick
I just wanted to feel better
I thought that might be the answer

She came in and she held my hand
She dried my tears and told me what I had to do
I told her she'd make a brilliant mum
one day and we laughed

A bond between us connected
In those hours when we were sat on the floor
My heart felt as though it were breaking
And she was there. Right there

He and I had never really talked much
But in those four days that we had to share
I felt our friendship grow and I was grateful
That he was there to listen

She and I never had much in common
Apart from our insecurities we held in discussion on long walks home,
Yet I felt she was the one closer to me,
That she almost even understood

I don't even know why I'm fretting
It isn't as if they care for much longer
If they want to say goodbye, then so be it
But I'll be grateful for the times that I could really
actually call them my friends
instead of all this sad pretending

We had fun

I'm sat here thinking,
Thinking about love,
The fragile, rippling tremors that are carried
In a voice as the first person dares
To say those three iconic words,
Thick with the essence of love

They know their life is about to change
For either good or bad,
They know their heart's going to get broke
Yet they can't bear to run
No. They've got to stay

Stay up late,
Playing hideaway beneath the covers
Share kisses on the beach,
Hold hands under the table like school children
Because let's not forget,
We were once

Trade secrets at 5 minutes past midnight,
Pillow fights,
Make love,
Make fun,
Say those three words that changed everything,
Over and over, and over and over

It was two words that swayed me
Into thinking that maybe this could be good,
That maybe, dare I believe it, this could be something extraordinary
And on the seventeenth day of the fourth month,
Nothing and everything had truly changed

If I am ever to get my heart broken one day
Let me say,
I'm glad that it will be by you

I'm sat here thinking,
Thinking about love,
What it does,
What breakable damage it can really do

How couples argue,
How they divorce,
How they trample their anger out over each other,
How they can drag each other recklessly through the mud

One person says "love me",
The other says they cannot
A lonely stranger following their wanted one,
Forever alone in the emptiness of a solitary heart

When trust is broken,
Dragged out and over,
Through the jagged teeth of a relationship
Which is forever doomed to fail

Adultery is a sin,
Where you hurt people
And hurt people,
A messy, ****** triangle of love

Because love isn't silence,
It can be emotional turmoil,
Hurting and wanting and needing,
And **breaking

You can shout and swear at me all the hell you want
But I won't dare retaliate because I CARE
If I could shout and scream at you back I would
Believe me.

But I don't
Because I don't want you to see me cry
So that's why I hope you don't know that, afterwards,
I'll shed a tear or two

You startle me
When you get like that
Because I don't know what to do
I want to help you, but don't know how

For the now, I want to desperately be somewhere else
And I know exactly where that place is
But I'm terrified of leaving
For fear of losing you

Pages exploit me.
Users will use me.
Sun will watch me until nothing is left,
to watch.
People will ask me, "Why, where do you come from, misfavoured soul?"
I will tell them I come from the sea, where pebbles wash the surface and where glass is made into porcelain rock.
Rock ...
nobody rocks me to sleep, any longer.

I stand at the window.
I watch.
I leave.

Misguide.

A heart so fragile and worn, each piercing jab is like a silent
scream, aching, grasping out for somebody to hold.
Take hold of me.
      And the anger seeps down in through my blemished skin to the veins,
all the way to the filtered heart, where each broken beat is as solitary as the last.
      
      Anxious. Confronted. Alone in the fluctuated dark.

      Yet, you've got to just go with the tide, reach for it and hold on. Maybe then you'll be okay.
Perhaps.
      You're taking things too seriously, but still you can't escape the perils of the continuous back chatter inside your mind.
      They tell you jealousy's perfectly healthy, but in which dimension?
      
      The echoing wail of time lunges at me and I can't push it away.
      Disappearing into a book is the best type of escape for me, but when I open the pages they're soiled and ruined.
     A whisper of a page calls out to me but it always falls down.

      A seeping tunnel of madness is what they tell me I risk falling into, lower and lower until I sift through the sides and vanish into memory.

      Memory. I wonder what that's like?

You've finally got the life you always wanted, but never had.
And now you're apparently happy and I believe you.
Happy, but without us.

We don't mention the times when you were with us any more,
the times when you held our hands, whispered goodnight to us, tucked us in.
The easy times when you laughed at something funny, sitting there in the living room or standing in the kitchen.

We thought you were happy,
but behind the gentle warm smile and pool of blue eyes that reflected our own back at yours,
you were harbouring a secret.
A secret you'd likely held onto for a good, long and 'apparent' 17 years, possibly more.

Who knows.

It's hard to mention you at home now,
because it's always met with a stone cold silence or, even worse,
a harsh, bitter remark, that can render itself so easily from the one man you thought you loved's lips.

But how easy it is to remember.
To remember you before the outbreak of change, of a new life.
Easy to remember you lounging on the armchairs watching television in the evenings,
to hear you talking and laughing on the telephone out in the hallway,
back in those days when landlines were the norm,
as if nothing was wrong,
as if you were happy.

Now, I see you in the brief few minutes of the mornings,
when you drop me off to college.
A snatching of an encounter, and even then it's in secrecy.
But it's nice to have that private time with you;
it's even more special.

Our time.

But I'm really glad you're happy,
and that you're able to live life free.
I'm glad you've got the life you wanted.

Maybe, one day, he will too.