I remember the morning Tuesday was invented—
how gleeful we sang across the streets—
forgetting that the day after tomorrow would be Thor’s day
and that one we didn’t own, too.

I remember the bathroom stalls, the sins of Leviticus
we survived
comforting our confusion with the indulgence that God too
love man, kind.

Let the purgatory full of half good men sing about their sins
with pride and laugh at the moons and stars for being without limbs
and tongues to protest their innocence and Idontgiveadamnisms;

For I remember being fed the tenets of heterosexual history in elementary school
yet wondering why queer gods are the ones named after the planets.

Wouldn't it be cold if my skin turned in on itself and the roots of the soil, apparent
Delved and flourished inwards till un-viewable buds.
The stupidity of them to think their was charm in secrecy
Or that with the lights out they were beating intently yet unseen.
Foolishly hidden, wrapped like new-born.
Small.
But when they fall the world takes part
Neanderthals
Reverting and Imploding,
Escaping. Exploding.
With thorns we never stood a chance.

Turning in,
I fight to fall and stand upon the ethereal
where wise men die and bad credence comes to those who wait
for natural paths and ventured losses, nothing gained.

How many routes we could of chosen,
yet here we are with greedy hands and ****** noses
Fighting for it, living for it
The note apparent,
our bodies vessels with no inhabitants.

We could have been the routes that flourished
trees and growth and youth in hand with knowledge
instead we look at our foundations
a ***** root,
a spoiled promise.

Because now I'm confused.
Are these subtle hints?
or works of fiction;
created by my own mind,
to fool myself into thinking
I'd ever have a chance with you?

i'm Prone to selfdestruction.
but you keep me safe.
I'm prone to self hating.
but you give me something to love.
i could live through anything.
eXcept losing you.
im prone to the bad thoughts.
but you scare them away.
you keep me safe from myself.
even If you dont know it.
your the sunrise to the obsidian shadows of my soul.
Even if you dont know just how much you mean to me.
i do.

Ive lived through worse.
So do your's.

You want to whisper behind my back?
Go ahead.

You want to assert your power.
By all means.

You want to cook up trouble?
Eat up.

You want to spin your lies?
I wont stop you.

You want to say what your thinking.
S'fine I can take it.

You want to turn the world inside out just to watch me squirm?
Does'nt bother me. Really.

You want to lie and cheat. ***** and judge?
Couldn't care less.

You think im the worst person in the world?
Maybe i am.

You want to riddle my life with homemade ammunition?
Then take your best shot.

But you DARE say a single ******* bad word about HER?
Well, Then you'll see just how CRUEL i can be.

I used to have a lot of friends.

Used to.

They're still there just not the same.

Everyone thinks Im so confident and cocky.

That;s *******.

I've always felt alone.

Even amongst my closest friends.

Who ,of course all hate me.

Not that you could tell.

But i just play pretend .

Dance along.

Play the fool.

I hate the expression "tears of a clown".

Which is ironic, i suppose.

But no matter what i cant escape.

What is it about me that prefers to be hated than ignored.

I know who i am.

I know people don't like him.

Count me amongst you.

Please just count me.

Please.

I think I'll fade away else.

Dont let me be alone.

I cant do that.