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6.0k · May 2013
Fat
Emily Mary May 2013
Fat
Fat;
Bubbly lipids gathering and stacking in a fashioned order.
Fat;
It was not so "fashionista" when she gained and gained.
Skinny;
She was lost, had no where to run but to the pantry.
Skinny;
Bones showing, skin glimmering in the sunlight.
Fat;
Sticking to her bones as paper sticks to glue.
Fat;
Poking and Prodding at the blubbery material that sits upon her femurs.
Unhappy;
She will always be.
Emily Mary Nov 2013
The Marines
The Few, The Proud
The Brave, the Courageous
Disciplined, Proper
From Paris Island Soldiers to Vietnam Vets

Its a position for freedom
a job for the fearless
Protecting our country day in and day out

1992 to 1994
Dads unit secured naval ships
sweat, tears and will power
guns blazing with 875 rounds a minute

1966 to 1968
His dad served in Vietnam
blood, gore and gunshots
flack jackets, an honored purple heart

learn to **** and not get killed
and never proffer anything less than the best
you’re there to out stand and defend
to honor, to provide

One day I’ll be standing here, in my dress blues
with my hair neatly slicked back, tight in a bun
I’ll have stories to tell my children
and I’ll watch the Military channel with my father
but first
I’ll learn to disregard the fear
of death staring you in the face
or the sudden urge to run
then I’ll wonder,
putting up my gun, aiming, and shooting for my dreams
of being an American Marine
1.9k · May 2013
The Rave
Emily Mary May 2013
Flashing c o l o r s, and ongoing music it hits me in the face like a wave of static electricity.

The ecstacy strikes my taste buds like sugar and neuro toxins dancing on my tongue.

The smell is foul of puke and *****. Teens are raving,
while the music is playing. Grinding against one another like a mortar and pestle.

Watching an influenced man try to get with a vulnerable women.
Taking advantage of every drop off alcohol that goes into the women’s veins,

there is no blood left, just firewater.

Intoxicated, lying on the floor, blacked out from all the dope.

She finds herself bare in a bed with a man twice her age.

She wimpers to herself saying “I’ll never drink again.”
As she practices her teetotalism,

at a fast pace she grows weary of blood flowing,
and vision clear. She once was a party girl, but that night has saved the day.
1.4k · May 2013
Her.
Emily Mary May 2013
Her bright beautiful blue eyes have finally lost there glimmer.

Her cheeky smile has finally broke under the pressure.

Her exotic attitude has washed away like seashells rippling into the soft sand.

Her heart has been splintered and lurched like a childs rag toy.

Her who has lost everything but the will to survive.
1.3k · May 2013
One year Nineteen Days
Emily Mary May 2013
Him who makes me hazy.
Him who's laugh makes me starstruck.

Him who's soft accented voice lets off "One year, Nineteen days."
Voices exchange.

Brain numb, and hands perspiring I step back.
"W-what?" I stutter.
"The day you broke up with me."

Blood rushes to my cheeks fast like a ******.
Him who smiles that broken smile, the striking smile.

Him who looks like a newcomer.
Him who I haven't held in an eternity.

In One year and Nineteen days.
Five months, January 1st to April 28th.

One year and Nineteen days.

Him who had no trepidation.
Him who broke my heart as well as his.
1.1k · Oct 2013
Dreams
Emily Mary Oct 2013
Dreams,
symphonies of sounds, and arrangements of metaphoric surrealism
the hibernation of ones mysterious thoughts and deepest actions
a psychedelic wonderland of white rabbits frolicking down holes, a time warp of madmen
the thought of being chased by dark shadows in the mind of monsters that hide under the foot of the bed.

Dreams,
a stew of emotions boiling and biting at our ankles, a *** of acid-spiked visions so unclear
a world where billows of color mix and mutate
the tall man chasing us young children through scenes of disruption and everything within us as mortal beings
where buddhist pray and the sun shines, leaping over peace pigmented hills, filled with hysteria and delirium
the dreams that have left me uneasy and the dreams that leave me wanting more
1.0k · Oct 2013
My Story like Poem
Emily Mary Oct 2013
I run through the lanky corridor; the essence of death is close behind
my black eyeliner is running down my cheeks, I wipe my face; it smudges
someone-no something is grasping my arm
I'm not afraid anymore, in a trans I turn towards the tall mysterious figures
dark eyes, long face, a cruel expression dispersed on its face
blood drips from my eyes as I go crashing to the cold wet floor
stabbing pains run along my back with ever spine chilling crack
blood pours while my mother cries, the face disappears and I die.
942 · Sep 2013
Nanu
Emily Mary Sep 2013
It's a disease
Manipulative and painful
Traveling through the veins of innocent people
Wandering through the genes of many
Its cancer.

I look at the shelf where I keep your pictures, figurines, and such
I think of the red wine made with your soft Sicilian touch
Sitting under the grape vines, reminiscing great times,I read the poem that you left for us to read and it tells me not to weep
913 · May 2013
Anxiety
Emily Mary May 2013
Resistant breathing, and salt and pepper vision.

Ascetic feelings, and sweltering skin.

It's the feeling like everyones watching
It's the feeling like you are alone.

Scars fading, I need more. I need more.


Shrieking and screeching and squealing and squawking.

Cuffing and clobbering and clouting and clipping.

Suffocating like a bag over my face, like I was being immersed into the cavernous ponds.

Ponds that sit lazily, and frogs that croak loudly.
873 · May 2013
"I Miss That."
Emily Mary May 2013
I wish I was nine again.
Tiny and happy.
I wish it was still me and Erin playing in mud, and picking up bugs.

Fretting when we'll have to shower, or go to bed.

"I miss that."

As the ages went up, my happiness went down.
Like I was slowly being submerged under the deep cold water.

"I miss that."

The way we'd meet up on neopets instead of Facebook.

"I miss that."

I didn't have to worry about my size, or hair. I don't like to worry. Care free and friendly.

"I miss that."

Sometimes I think I should end it all, and come back as a beautiful, size zero, daffodil.
Ha, I wish.

"I miss that."

I try and try again, but the scars on my wrist show what a failure I've become.
Seeing scar free wrist's.

"I miss that."

Me, a size twelve, depressed *****, who is doomed to a life alone.
I'm not the prettiest flower in my garden bed, in fact I'm poison ivy plant
that threads your precious "daffodils." I once was a daffodil, not a care in the world.

"I miss that."

I'm now the sun that wilts your leaves and drains your life.
Except now the hot rays are hitting me, and my blood is boiling and my roots are drying up.

Anxiety haunts me, as razors taunt me.
Oh how I want to be young again,

"I miss that."
829 · Nov 2013
Cigarettes
Emily Mary Nov 2013
i need you when im stressed, or just bored
you seep deep into my lungs

your nicotine leaves me craving you more and more everyday
how many of you do I need to be satisfied?

one, two, three, even four?

your smoke burns the back of my throat like fire burning wood
menthol, light or just plain
you're all great.

with your dizzy head rushes teasing me
lasting only a minute
*This poem is a play off Kendall's "Ode to a porta *****" and the trending poem "Cigarettes"*
Emily Mary Nov 2013
your mean words slur as they're
trickling out of your mouth
like a waterfall of wounding
locution from your sober thoughts
but your drunken actions
make me uneasy as you stand there
swiftly swaying like a
feather caught in the wind

at this very moment in time I think I hate you
your heart is no longer real
the blood flow that is long gone
is now diluted with cheap *****
the nasty habits you have gained
are slowly dissipating the oxygen
that now gently dribbles through your
inanimate lungs and pains your ****** liver

your sunken eyes are glossy
eyes that used to be bright blue
have lost there hue and converted to a dull gray

you may have sober thoughts
but you'll always have drunken actions
756 · May 2013
The Note They Fret.
Emily Mary May 2013
The slices I stow are on my wrist in a row,
they will turn to quiet grieving scars,
even if my heart is crying out for help.
No one can hear me, no one would care.
No one would ask me, no one would dare.
Coming off as a tough girl, they are deceived.
I am really just scared, but I am care free.
I fret the day I face my fears because it is a mystery.
You shall fret too, because one day there will be a note to read,
that thanks my friends and family,
I’ll apologize for my being and again I will thank you all so much.
At the end of the day, I’ll be dead from pills, drugs, and such.
Many will realize that this happy girl was sad,
Now they might feel like this was all of there bad.
I lied to everyone, saying “I’m fine.”
So it’s my bad, I had crossed the line.
Don’t care, don’t mourn for it was a mistake that I was even born.
You soon will find my used utensils,
such as my scissors, bands, and razorblades.
Take good care they were my treasure.
The death I chose was a mix of two.
The pills are on the dresser, and the razor is in my hand.
Please forgive me, I just wanted to be free!
Is that a lot for my family and friends to see?
Disappointment is probably on your mind,
I know how one could get confused, when their daughter says she’s fine.
When I am purging for perfection, hoping I’ll soon die.
Hugging that cold porcelain, puking up my problems.
I step onto the scale, and I cry at what I see,
For I have an addiction, that is slowly killing me.
My friends would try to help, but I told them I didn’t need it.
I kept things to myself, so I wouldn’t cry for help.
Help was never given, because I would sit and sin in silence,
People thought I was “fake” for the way I was feeling,
That’s where they were wrong, they thought I wouldn’t do it, well look now.
I’m dead, and my life ended with Suicide.
727 · May 2013
My Best Friend
Emily Mary May 2013
My best friend, the one who is always there.
My best friend, the one with golden hair.
My best friend, with a smile that is broken and a heart that means no harm.
My best friend hides her feelings, under her fearless soul.
Not a lot of people get to see my best friend in her true form.
Not a lot of people really appreciate what my best friend does for everyone else.
That makes you the foul presence hiding under your clothes like a vampire hides
from light,
That makes you the bad person, for withdrawing such delight.
I get to see this side of my best friend, not you. So before you go on judging take a look from another mans shoes, not mine. For your the one who mean’t such harm, not her, nor me, or them... But you.
647 · Oct 2013
Hell
Emily Mary Oct 2013
Fiery and hot
the burning sensation of flames tingle my body
as I fall down from Earth.

I am falling

into a lonely abyss of demons and Pagans
gnawing on one anothers flesh, trying to grasp the taste of virtue.
The taste that never existed, the taste they crave.

the demonic apparitions haunt me while I fall

reaching, and seizing for my soul.

I am falling, and I'm going to hell.
628 · Nov 2013
What I call Heaven
Emily Mary Nov 2013
I wonder what Heavens like
Is it white with fluttering doves and shiny golden gates that tower 7 feet above the clouds?
Or is it outside the atmosphere where a stars twinkle is so bright its blinding?
Are you suppose to walk up an ivory stairway or fly with your feathered white angel wings?

I see Heaven as a place you go when you are loved
A place where you don't have to be good to get in or bad to get kicked out
It's where your guardian angels gather and interact among the holy gods of Allah or Our Creater himself
Heaven is the clouds passing daintly and lazily by
Caught up in the leisure winds, grinding against the azure sky

Where the demons hide beneath the entry way, laying low
Wishing they were loved like the rest of the afterlife that lives in Heaven
Emily Mary Dec 2013
It hurts that I can't hold you,
Tightly
Caressingly
lovingly

you can't love me because you're head over heels for other girls
who aren't me
never will be me
you'll never love me

I love you, you don't know that though
lets keep it that way
so when I cry myself to sleep
I know I won't hold you accountable
*in my dreams
566 · May 2013
Mad.
Emily Mary May 2013
Ever have that feeling when your mind is numb, and you just can't speak?
Ever have that feeling that  your breath has gone with the wind and all you can do it scream for air?
Ever have that feeling of people watching you, yet your not being watched at all?
Ever have that feeling like you just want to forget everything and anything.

You lay there screaming, pulling out your hair, and crying for help.
No one can hear you, no one really cares, and you know it.
You think, why won't they listen and why can't you just die.
You pull out your razor, and you run for the pills.

You've finally gone mad.
565 · May 2013
Suicide
Emily Mary May 2013
Walking past a mirror is painful
Looking into the mirror is a death sentence.

Wrist stained red from trickling crimson beads
"F-A-T" carved into your thighs with a symphony of other gashes.

Words of hate flow with the breath of every bully
Trying to get you to buckle and crack under the pressure.

Lock your door and muffle your screams
the end is year, yet this is just the beginning.

Longing closure you butcher your wrist;
with lacerations for every despicable word.

You paint your nails, and curl your hair.
You write a note and grab a belt.

You blow a kiss and remove the chair.
Dangling within mid air.
Emily Mary Nov 2013
You see her over there?
Lucy,
the one with kaleidescope eyes.
she being chased by the egg man, no. The Walurus.

As she runs by the church where Eleanor Ribgy is picking up the rice,
a yellow submarine is submerging into a sea of green.

Imagine all the people around her saying theres no heavens
and that they tell the Walurus to let it be.
Wait, --Let her be.

Little darling, its to cold to be outside to be running!
Can't we all just come together?
Don't be afraid!

---OH NO---  
Her name isn't Lucy!

It's Jude.
550 · May 2013
Haiku 3
Emily Mary May 2013
rivers flowing close
fish are singing while ***** dance
happiness relieved
526 · May 2013
What it's like.
Emily Mary May 2013
She’s on the streets, with her drugs in every orphice.
You’re in your bed, with your milk in the fridge, and your medicine in a cabinet.

She’s out selling her body for survival, as you’re just simply giving it up like a dead rat under my stairs.  
She’s on the streets, with pills in every crevice.
You’re in you’re bed, warm and within comfort, and you’re heat is on high.
She’s trying to hold on, being rejected and tossed around.
While you’re just simply sitting there, doing nothing, just simply ******* sitting there.

She’s on the streets, with her drugs in every orphice.
You’re in your bed, with your milk in the fridge, and your medicine in a cabinet
523 · Sep 2013
`Living like were Dying`
Emily Mary Sep 2013
Inhale the THC, blow out smoke
Get a rush then **** brain cells.

Do it again.

Grind with;
Party with;
Sleep with;
Boys.

Do it again.

Experience new things, new things like:
Drugs, feelings, and life.
Feel the chemicals and flavors working away at your tastebuds
Gently gliding into your lungs through the thick smoke, through you nasal cavity, or in through a needle.

Should I be safe?
Nah.

Why should I?
No point.

Get your friends, and grab a guy do crazy things till the day you die.
522 · Nov 2013
Haiku
Emily Mary Nov 2013
anchors slowly drop
on my chest, hard like the words
of when we last spoke
442 · Nov 2013
Untitled
Emily Mary Nov 2013
Once in while I get an urge
a kind of urge only a cold lifeless friend can fix

when I just can't handle this life anymore
i run my friend across my thighs, so no one can judge my pain

scarlet stripes linger my wide frame like haunting ghost creeping in my doorway
taunting my mind like last nights purging session

Why can't I look like her or why can't he just like me

Theres always something wandering my mind aimlessly
tantalizing me, gnawing at my thoughts
driving me insane with schizophrenic images drawing my attention away from whats important

is it my life?

I only ask this after the measuring tape was around my neck, instead of my stomach
*but what can i say? i'm ******..
433 · May 2013
Mother.
Emily Mary May 2013
Mother,
My beautiful mother, who cares for us.
Mother,
Who is always there, who has no fear.
Mother,
Strong like a storm but subtle like a midnights moon.
Mother,
You are my fort, the structure that keeps me going.
Mother,
I hate our fights, I’m sure you do to.
Mother
I want you to know I am apologizing for everything.
Mother,
You are the one who gave me life.
Mother
You’re the one that gave me strength to walk on this E A R T H.
Mother. . .
I am thanking you.
For providing.
For being great.
For teaching me.
For just being you.
Mother. . .
I LOVE YOU AND THAT IS ALL THAT MATTERS.
333 · May 2013
My Twisted Haiku 1
Emily Mary May 2013
Cut me open, tear
my heart out, **** me it's ok
I'm already dead
317 · May 2013
Haiku 2
Emily Mary May 2013
rain covers the sky
as the mud begins to fill
she begins to cry

— The End —