your mean words slur as they're
trickling out of your mouth
like a waterfall of wounding
locution from your sober thoughts
but your drunken actions
make me uneasy as you stand there
swiftly swaying like a
feather caught in the wind

at this very moment in time I think I hate you
your heart is no longer real
the blood flow that is long gone
is now diluted with cheap *****
the nasty habits you have gained
are slowly dissipating the oxygen
that now gently dribbles through your
inanimate lungs and pains your ****** liver

your sunken eyes are glossy
eyes that used to be bright blue
have lost there hue and converted to a dull gray

you may have sober thoughts
but you'll always have drunken actions

anchors slowly drop
on my chest, hard like the words
of when we last spoke

i need you when im stressed, or just bored
you seep deep into my lungs

your nicotine leaves me craving you more and more everyday
how many of you do I need to be satisfied?

one, two, three, even four?

your smoke burns the back of my throat like fire burning wood
menthol, light or just plain
you're all great.

with your dizzy head rushes teasing me
lasting only a minute

I run through the lanky corridor; the essence of death is close behind
my black eyeliner is running down my cheeks, I wipe my face; it smudges
someone-no something is grasping my arm
I'm not afraid anymore, in a trans I turn towards the tall mysterious figures
dark eyes, long face, a cruel expression dispersed on its face
blood drips from my eyes as I go crashing to the cold wet floor
stabbing pains run along my back with ever spine chilling crack
blood pours while my mother cries, the face disappears and I die.

Fiery and hot
the burning sensation of flames tingle my body
as I fall down from Earth.

I am falling

into a lonely abyss of demons and Pagans
gnawing on one anothers flesh, trying to grasp the taste of virtue.
The taste that never existed, the taste they crave.

the demonic apparitions haunt me while I fall

reaching, and seizing for my soul.

I am falling, and I'm going to hell.

Inhale the THC, blow out smoke
Get a rush then **** brain cells.

Do it again.

Grind with;
Party with;
Sleep with;
Boys.

Do it again.

Experience new things, new things like:
Drugs, feelings, and life.
Feel the chemicals and flavors working away at your tastebuds
Gently gliding into your lungs through the thick smoke, through you nasal cavity, or in through a needle.

Should I be safe?
Nah.

Why should I?
No point.

Get your friends, and grab a guy do crazy things till the day you die.

Resistant breathing, and salt and pepper vision.

Ascetic feelings, and sweltering skin.

It's the feeling like everyones watching
It's the feeling like you are alone.

Scars fading, I need more. I need more.


Shrieking and screeching and squealing and squawking.

Cuffing and clobbering and clouting and clipping.

Suffocating like a bag over my face, like I was being immersed into the cavernous ponds.

Ponds that sit lazily, and frogs that croak loudly.

rivers flowing close
fish are singing while ***** dance
happiness relieved

rain covers the sky
as the mud begins to fill
she begins to cry

Walking past a mirror is painful
Looking into the mirror is a death sentence.

Wrist stained red from trickling crimson beads
"F-A-T" carved into your thighs with a symphony of other gashes.

Words of hate flow with the breath of every bully
Trying to get you to buckle and crack under the pressure.

Lock your door and muffle your screams
the end is year, yet this is just the beginning.

Longing closure you butcher your wrist;
with lacerations for every despicable word.

You paint your nails, and curl your hair.
You write a note and grab a belt.

You blow a kiss and remove the chair.
Dangling within mid air.

I wish I was nine again.
Tiny and happy.
I wish it was still me and Erin playing in mud, and picking up bugs.

Fretting when we'll have to shower, or go to bed.

"I miss that."

As the ages went up, my happiness went down.
Like I was slowly being submerged under the deep cold water.

"I miss that."

The way we'd meet up on neopets instead of Facebook.

"I miss that."

I didn't have to worry about my size, or hair. I don't like to worry. Care free and friendly.

"I miss that."

Sometimes I think I should end it all, and come back as a beautiful, size zero, daffodil.
Ha, I wish.

"I miss that."

I try and try again, but the scars on my wrist show what a failure I've become.
Seeing scar free wrist's.

"I miss that."

Me, a size twelve, depressed *****, who is doomed to a life alone.
I'm not the prettiest flower in my garden bed, in fact I'm poison ivy plant
that threads your precious "daffodils." I once was a daffodil, not a care in the world.

"I miss that."

I'm now the sun that wilts your leaves and drains your life.
Except now the hot rays are hitting me, and my blood is boiling and my roots are drying up.

Anxiety haunts me, as razors taunt me.
Oh how I want to be young again,

"I miss that."

Cut me open, tear
my heart out, **** me it's ok
I'm already dead

Him who makes me hazy.
Him who's laugh makes me starstruck.

Him who's soft accented voice lets off "One year, Nineteen days."
Voices exchange.

Brain numb, and hands perspiring I step back.
"W-what?" I stutter.
"The day you broke up with me."

Blood rushes to my cheeks fast like a ******.
Him who smiles that broken smile, the striking smile.

Him who looks like a newcomer.
Him who I haven't held in an eternity.

In One year and Nineteen days.
Five months, January 1st to April 28th.

One year and Nineteen days.

Him who had no trepidation.
Him who broke my heart as well as his.

The slices I stow are on my wrist in a row,
they will turn to quiet grieving scars,
even if my heart is crying out for help.
No one can hear me, no one would care.
No one would ask me, no one would dare.
Coming off as a tough girl, they are deceived.
I am really just scared, but I am care free.
I fret the day I face my fears because it is a mystery.
You shall fret too, because one day there will be a note to read,
that thanks my friends and family,
I’ll apologize for my being and again I will thank you all so much.
At the end of the day, I’ll be dead from pills, drugs, and such.
Many will realize that this happy girl was sad,
Now they might feel like this was all of there bad.
I lied to everyone, saying “I’m fine.”
So it’s my bad, I had crossed the line.
Don’t care, don’t mourn for it was a mistake that I was even born.
You soon will find my used utensils,
such as my scissors, bands, and razorblades.
Take good care they were my treasure.
The death I chose was a mix of two.
The pills are on the dresser, and the razor is in my hand.
Please forgive me, I just wanted to be free!
Is that a lot for my family and friends to see?
Disappointment is probably on your mind,
I know how one could get confused, when their daughter says she’s fine.
When I am purging for perfection, hoping I’ll soon die.
Hugging that cold porcelain, puking up my problems.
I step onto the scale, and I cry at what I see,
For I have an addiction, that is slowly killing me.
My friends would try to help, but I told them I didn’t need it.
I kept things to myself, so I wouldn’t cry for help.
Help was never given, because I would sit and sin in silence,
People thought I was “fake” for the way I was feeling,
That’s where they were wrong, they thought I wouldn’t do it, well look now.
I’m dead, and my life ended with Suicide.