It doesn’t stop hurting.
From my fingers, to my toes.
It swirls in my head and shocks the heart.
Over and over it goes.

Dry mouth, and empty stomach.
There is nothing to stop the pain.
So I guess I’ll sit in silence,
Because I’m not sure who to blame.

Talking doesn’t help.
Although you think it would.
Music only hurts my ears,
When usually it does me good.

Hot, cold, or neither?
It seems I cannot tell.
The affect I have on others,
I have no idea as well.

I wish I could do something.
But my body will not move.
All I know is that I hurt,
And there’s nothing that I can do.

I guess I should be worried,
But I don’t think I can.
I don’t even know if this is real,
Or if maybe it’s the end.

You don’t know me, you don’t care.
I am here and you are there.
Convenience is your only way.
I’d say anything to make you stay.

Killing me softly,
With the games in my head.
Trapped myself,
With the things I have said.
Can’t cry, Can’t speak.
I’m all out of power.
So what say you,
In my final hour?
Digame more,
Digame less.
I am alone.
And I am a mess.

Nerves scrambled.
Whisk whisk.
Always the fool,
When I take a risk.
Hating heavy,
But hurting more.
What will be,
When you’re next door?
What the **** your problem is?
You don’t know her, never did.
Wreck this fantasy.
It does not exist.
Tear out your heart.
That giant cyst.
I know, crazy.
A bit of a twist.
Maybe I,
Exaggerated a bit?

I.
Nowhere near sane.
Mood flips, happy dips.
Struggling to be solid.
My insides jello.
Yearning for mellow.
My heart is fire, my fingers ice.
Asked me how I’m doing. Nice.
Pleading for the end,
But no end in sight.
I haven’t done the work,
Not yet, still might.
Only halfway there?
Losing or gaining speed?
I feel hate for you.
But you’re what I need.
My journey is solo.
Bipolar? I hope no.
Want to stay, but HAVE to go.
I’m a mess.
“Duh, we know.”
It’s a battle.
My internal war.
In the end,
My goal is more.
SCREAMING heavy.
Desperation kicks in.
And all of this,
I hold within.

I'm absolutely horrified.

At night I lie and wait to die.

I feel sick and ashamed.

You took a pistol to my heart and aimed.

I'm black, tainted, no longer good.

Apologize? As if you could.

You can't be Mercury and then Pluto,
As if my hearts the sun.
You can't whine like a baby,
and then try and call me ***.
You can't treat me like a worm,
and peck at me with your beak.
You can't say we're forever,
and then tell me not to speak.

Nothing in my pocket,
Nothing on my shoe.
I'm going around in circles
Im someone I thought I knew

Left, broken and heavy
With nothing on my plate.
You've gone and run away,
And as always I'm too late.

Take the wooden spoon
and dig me out
make me hollow
send me afloat
down the river
away, away
from nothing
towards nothing
Ill stare at the sky
count the stars
listen
and I wont return
because Im hollow
and you made me this way.

Leaving behind
Words on the streets
Walking away
From people you meet
Moving on
It's all in the past
Going crazy
Happening so fast
Falling down
And getting back up
Being bruised
Or stuck in a rut
Wanting more
But never achieving
Seeing things
And always believing

Imperfections
Coming together
My face and yours
Light as a feather
It's all love
Doesn't matter your gender
Go forward or stop
I mean, it's whatever
Don't know why
I could stay here forever.

Heartbreak and boys
Is there nothing else on my mind?
Am I another dumb struck teen
Who falls in love all of the time?
Please someone come slap me
Splash cold water on my head
Rather than be a love struck teen
I wish that I were dead

I like to let the words sit
Marinate inside my soul
I need the rhymes to be good
So people swallow them whole

I want tears to pour out their eyes
To cry, to sob, to laugh
I want them to ask for more
And never stop coming back

Strong, young and stupid
I got hit by Cupid
A boy of a small physique
His eyes were so unique
Led down a drunken path
The love and kisses could never last
I tried to slip under the spell
Turned out to be a gift from hell
A boy so cute and so sweet
I wish we didn't ever meet

Look at me
Thinking positively
Back to who I was
But then again not who I was at all
I can’t believe I’m sitting here right now
Crying tears that aren’t sad
I’m here
And I’m alive
And I’m breathing
I am human
I’ve made mistakes
We all have
But life doesn’t stop for you
And it doesn’t stop for me
The only way is forward
Everyday I’m just going to get better
Take that life
Who’s kicking your *** now?
Yep it’s me and I’m ready for you this time
I am a beautiful person
I’ve made mistakes but that only makes me better
I can find me again and I know I will
It will take time but its possible
I don’t have to wallow anymore
I can embrace the sun
There will still be downs but I will depend on myself
And whoever else I need
To get me out of those downs
Because although necessary
They don’t need to be prolonged
I’m going to get better
I’m like wine and as I age, I will be all the greater
I deserve this
I pulled myself out of a great big **** hole
And now I’m here
Happy again
So now I have a plan
I will egg myself on
I’m going to do this
I deserve to be happy
With myself and with the people around me
I deserve to be healthy
I deserve to love my body and myself for who I am
I deserve to push myself
I deserve to talk loud and animated
I deserve to be opinionated
I deserve to be liked
I deserve to not hate myself or put myself down
I deserve to be weird
I deserve to have hope
I deserve to be free
I deserve to live
And I deserve to be me
So if you cant handle what I deserve
And you don’t know that you deserve it to
Then that is not my fault
And if you cant love or appreciate the person I am
Then you deserve to go **** yourself

I want him back, you know?
I wouldn't tell a soul
He'd laugh back in my face
But in me he's left a hole.
I want his little hand
to burrow deep in mine.
Lay my head upon his chest
And be with him all the time.
Hes gone and found another
Left me to fall apart.
I wish he would come back to me,
And heal my broken heart.

Can you believe the sky is green?
Or the waters yellow hue?
Don't you love the purple grass?
The lemons oh so blue?

Do you see the orange clouds?
The giant trees of red?
Can you touch the pink snowflakes?
Is this messing with your head?

Orion my Orion,
Lift me up off my feet
Be my savior with you're belt
Make me feel complete
You're my constellations
You're my shining star
Orion my Orion,
Take me somewhere far

These lumberjack
Chop at my heart
I trust them
Though it's not smart
They cut me
Through and through
Who I am
I wish I knew

Limited
I'm so limited
From everything
I'm prohibited
You hold me back
By my arms
If I rip or writhe
Don't be alarmed
I'll get tired
I'll go slack
Just hold my arms
Behind my back

Excuse me please,
Could you sweep me up?
I've tried myself
But no such luck.
Glue me together
Cause I fell apart.
Please help me mend
My broken heart.

Their fingers dig into my skin
Scratching pulling at my sin
I'm irritated, red and raw
Deaf are they to my dying call
Desperately trying to flee
Please oh please just let me be

Naked, face up in the sea
That's how someday you'll find me
The ocean is my salty tears
Seagulls peck at all my fears
And although you wont hear it
The bottomless trench is my spirit
I'm sunk even though I float
Nowhere near is a boat
The staring sun burns my skin
It knows the secret I hold within
All I want to do is drown
This is something I wont live down