It doesn’t stop hurting.
From my fingers, to my toes.
It swirls in my head and shocks the heart.
Over and over it goes.

Dry mouth, and empty stomach.
There is nothing to stop the pain.
So I guess I’ll sit in silence,
Because I’m not sure who to blame.

Talking doesn’t help.
Although you think it would.
Music only hurts my ears,
When usually it does me good.

Hot, cold, or neither?
It seems I cannot tell.
The affect I have on others,
I have no idea as well.

I wish I could do something.
But my body will not move.
All I know is that I hurt,
And there’s nothing that I can do.

I guess I should be worried,
But I don’t think I can.
I don’t even know if this is real,
Or if maybe it’s the end.

You don’t know me, you don’t care.
I am here and you are there.
Convenience is your only way.
I’d say anything to make you stay.

Killing me softly,
With the games in my head.
Trapped myself,
With the things I have said.
Can’t cry, Can’t speak.
I’m all out of power.
So what say you,
In my final hour?
Digame more,
Digame less.
I am alone.
And I am a mess.

Nerves scrambled.
Whisk whisk.
Always the fool,
When I take a risk.
Hating heavy,
But hurting more.
What will be,
When you’re next door?
What the **** your problem is?
You don’t know her, never did.
Wreck this fantasy.
It does not exist.
Tear out your heart.
That giant cyst.
I know, crazy.
A bit of a twist.
Maybe I,
Exaggerated a bit?

I.
Nowhere near sane.
Mood flips, happy dips.
Struggling to be solid.
My insides jello.
Yearning for mellow.
My heart is fire, my fingers ice.
Asked me how I’m doing. Nice.
Pleading for the end,
But no end in sight.
I haven’t done the work,
Not yet, still might.
Only halfway there?
Losing or gaining speed?
I feel hate for you.
But you’re what I need.
My journey is solo.
Bipolar? I hope no.
Want to stay, but HAVE to go.
I’m a mess.
“Duh, we know.”
It’s a battle.
My internal war.
In the end,
My goal is more.
SCREAMING heavy.
Desperation kicks in.
And all of this,
I hold within.

I'm absolutely horrified.

At night I lie and wait to die.

I feel sick and ashamed.

You took a pistol to my heart and aimed.

I'm black, tainted, no longer good.

Apologize? As if you could.

You can't be Mercury and then Pluto,
As if my hearts the sun.
You can't whine like a baby,
and then try and call me ***.
You can't treat me like a worm,
and peck at me with your beak.
You can't say we're forever,
and then tell me not to speak.

Nothing in my pocket,
Nothing on my shoe.
I'm going around in circles
Im someone I thought I knew

Left, broken and heavy
With nothing on my plate.
You've gone and run away,
And as always I'm too late.