I am an anchor.

I will hold you back.

I will pull you down.

I will prevent you from rising.

I will shatter, spoil;

*******, scuttle;

break and devastate;

for I am an anchor,

and anchors weigh you down.

It’s hard to feel at home
when such a place doesn’t exist.
I’m merely trapped between four walls
who’s lack of meaning rings from panel to panel.

No shelter, refuge or hospice will suffice
or they lack the comfort
that is necessary
to feel okay.

I’ve lost all sense of familiarity
for even the back of my hand
has betrayed me
more times than I can count.

they always ask
whats in a name
but they never ask
who you are
or what you mean
or what you stand for

they never ask
if your smile is real
or if you see the light
or if you’re starting to heal

they never ask
if you’re okay
or if you’re even breathing
or even living

and it’s sad
because most of the time
you’re not

Do not pull me through the rain
for I will rust.

Do not drag me through the dirt
for I will soil.

Do not tow me down the road
for I will chip.

Do not try to save me,
for I will break
and you will be left
to pick up the pieces.

when she was born
she was loved
and innocent
so with
two kisses
from each parent
she was welcomed
to the world

when she was six
she determined her life
and wanted to be a doctor
so with
two brisk flicks
of her crayon-clamped hand
she wrote down
her ambition

when she was thirteen
she tried to grow up
and wanted to feel accepted
so with
two quick puffs
from a marlboro smoke
she coughed
for the first time

when she was fifteen
she was oppressed
and wanted to feel beautiful
so with
two swift beats to the throat
from a used toothbrush
she lost
those extra pounds

when she was 18
she was hurt
for the last and final time
so with
two quick taps on the wrist
from a silver spear
her truth
faded away

the fake plants died
for I did not water them

the plastic fruit rotted
for I let it go to waste

the false fire cooled
for I never let its warmth hug me

the forced smile faded
for I lost the will to try

the cracked heart fell apart
for the bond became unhinged

I’ve learned
one does not need to be alive
to feel numb