You look up at the stars
and admire their scattered patterns,
embracing their sporadic beauty
as they fade in and out of view.
I hope you see the constellations of scars
mapped across my skin
in the same way.
I hope I look the same to you.

I have come to find that two broken people don't make a whole.
Half-full or half-empty hearts,
regardless of perspective,
do not refill when spilled together.

On this new day I was born from my bed with a fresh but somehow still tired perspective. It is early but the world has been orbiting for hours. I am always late to everything. But I still try and pry open my eyes with cups of coffee, hoping and hungry for what has not happened yet. If I survive the blank stares and empty prayers of strangers, avoid the ****** and the danger, then bless my ambition when I rest my head with my decisions.

a furious fire was forged
inside me again
from the embers
of a former scorn.

it burned unknowingly still,
until you revived the flames
with her name.

i laid next to the open window
letting frozen air in,
debating a sober slumber
in the snow.

i will always be second –
competing with a ghost.
i guess that's why you haunt me
like this.

There is something living in me,
an anonymous being devouring my dreams
and driving me out of my mind.
I have stepped down from my position to
operate this machine,
and the creature has turned autopilot.

I wake up suddenly when I have not been sleeping.
I forget my lines.
My smile has gone into hiding.
The dark crescent moons waxing below my eyes
are swallowing my face like the night sky.
The skin that shelters these two residents
has become more and more translucent,
and still I cannot see who has moved in with me.

How can you defeat an invisible enemy?
One who always knows your strategy,
whose voice and footsteps sound like yours,
who leaves on lights and opens doors,
who gets to breathe every time you inhale,
I am failing constantly
and through this, it prevails.

If you spend enough time with demons,
they soon become your friends.
A part of you to love and defend.
But careful that you do remember,
how easily your heart dismembers.
Do not trust the darkness inside,
who feeds on your doubts and batters your pride.
The parasite feels no remorse
when it feasts on its final course.

I know it is hard to find the light
with wool pulled over your eyes.
You are the sheep, but deep asleep
a lion is ready to rise.

everything has wilted around me
the air has become cold and stiff
and wind cuts deep into my chest
the same way your words have.
i bury my face deeper into the sheets
i tuck my fists in tight above my forehead
as if to plunge the tears from my eye sockets.
my phone is on but i will not respond
i do not know what to say
my thoughts are barren like the world outside
and every last leaf has fallen and decayed
there is no trace of life or the love that bloomed
from spring to summer.
it always surprises me to see
the change in seasons,
and the reason i will not answer you
is the same reason the snow falls
the ponds have frozen over
and the trees are empty.
everything ends in silence and isolation
what makes you think i would be different?

you need not ask me who i am fighting for
my dear, we know the outcome.
i transformed from victim to victor
and still, you see me wounded.
Bleeding from seemingly self-inflicted injury,
it was you who held the knife all along.
Cuts will cauterize,
scars will form and hide behind my sleeves
the same way you mask yourself in alcohol
and kiss anyone you see.