I used to believe in love
at first sight

I'd always trusted that fate
would bring me to that boy
that I would fall in love with
and one day I thought I had found him

I was with my friends at school
we were talking about the upcoming dance
I was going to wear pink
my best friend Tegwyn was wearing ocean blue
and my other best friend Lily was wearing red

Two boys came up to us
we had no idea who they were
when they were near and we realized
that they were headed in our direction
we rated them
the brunette was an 8.5/10
and the taller brunette was an 8.5/10
as well
us three thought they were the cutest things in the world.

"Hey girls" said the shorter one
we were giddy and afraid and all just said "hi"

The taller boy made the move first
he went for my best friend Tegwyn

The shorter boy went for me
we soon found out that they were best friends too

I felt sorry for Lily
but she had said many times that she had no interest in boys
at least not yet
no matter how many times Tegwyn and I tried to convince her

Us four went on a double date
I knew my boy was for real
I didn't know about Tegwyn
I'd ask her later

After I met my boy
and that first date
I decided then to believe in love at first sight

He was amazing
he was so sweet
so caring
and he told me he loved me as much
as I loved him

We continued our relationship
from that grade 7 January
to the July after our first year of university

I stayed in love with that boy
for all that time
I never thought we'd separate

I had scrapbooks,
scrapbook after scrapbook in my room
with different themes

Our wedding
our baby girl
our baby boy
our honeymoon
our twins (if we had them, boy boy or girl boy or girl girl)
our retirement
our jobs
our vacations
our home

I had it all played out carefully
in my head and those scrapbooks of mine
he didn't know about those though
they were my secret

And one day in that July
he said he didn't love me anymore
that spark had disappeared a month or two earlier
he said he couldn't see me as beautiful anymore
he couldn't see my glow anymore
he couldn't see me anymore

But of course
he couldn't see my broken heart either

I had kept in touch with Tegwyn all these years
Lily had a boy to herself too
Tegwyn couldn't believe it
but I couldn't believe it more than she couldn't believe it

It was all so sudden
but of course, nothing lasts long

The sun is light:
The rays that glisten down,
The bright yellow star
Shines throughout the town,
Sunburns and tans,
It warms us up in the cold,
It is always there,
It’s more precious than gold.





And the moon is light:
Guiding us in the dark,
Bringing us into night,
Replacing the sun when it’s a spark,
Crescent and full phases,
So close and so far,
The wolves howl up to it,
It’s a different type of star.

Sitting in the darkness,
Waiting for my ****,
An animal passes by,
My stomach will soon fill.

I can almost hear the crowd cheering
As I catch my evening snack,
I am alone out here-
I’ve lost contact with my pack.

I hear a familiar cry in the distance,
The sound soon starts to fade,
It isn’t what I thought it would be-
Above flies a mockingjay.

It’s wide wings cover up above,
For a moment I have no light,
The cry of the bird hurts me,
I try to put up a fight.

My sister, it makes me feel she’s hurt,
I lower my bow down,
She has to be home, I know she is,
But they’ve got her sound somehow.

I tell myself not to worry,
As the bird starts to fly and sing,
A beautiful song I recognize,
Like the silver in the mockingjay’s wings.

I was once beautiful,
Tall, tanned and un–deranged,
I had the eyes, the hair, the face,
But one day, it all changed.

At first I was unaware of what I had become
And where this unexpected change was coming from,
I first began to decrease,
The amount of food that I would eat.

It became worse and worse every single day,
I made excuses- “I already ate” I’d say,
And even when they did make me eat,
I’d puke it all out in the toilet seat.

One, two, five, ten,
I was losing weight- I didn’t tell my friends,
Paler and paler I became,
No beautiful tan- I’d never be the same.

One day they found me sprawled across the washroom floor,
They found my daily up-chuck – I couldn’t take it anymore,
They took me to a hospital where I started treatment there,
The doctors told me about my problem,
I got appropriate care.

Soon one, two, five, ten,
I was gaining weight- I told my friends,
Stronger and stronger I became,
I was gaining what I had lost- but I knew I wasn’t the same.

This little girl I hold in my arms
She's not mine, of course
This little girl I hold in my arms
She's tiny, 9 months old but could be worse

This little girl I hold in my arms
She has big eyes, unlike mine
This little girl I hold in my arms
As I hold her I take it as a sign

This little girl I hold in my arms
She's so near and so dear to me
This little girl I hold in my arms
I try to get her to sleep

This little girl I hold in my arms
She cries then stops again
This little girl I hold in my arms
She realizes I'm a friend

This little girl I hold in my arms
She rubs her eyes
This little girl I hold in my arms
She knows no lies

This little girl I hold in my arms
She makes a smile oh-so-sweet
This little girl I hold in my arms
Her childhood is such an important leap

This little girl I hold in my arms
Finally her eyes begin to close
This little girl I hold in my arms
She has no worries, she has no woes

This little girl I hold in my arms
I'm getting tired of singing Beethoven
This little girl I hold in my arms
I put her down in the sheets carefully woven

This little girl I hold in my arms
She stays asleep even as I begin to leave
This little girl I hold in my arms
I leave without a peep

That little girl I held in my arms
Not for very long
That little girl I held in my arms
She will grow big and strong

That little girl I held in my arms
I hope I will watch her through the ride
That little girl I held in my arms
I will help her through, side by side

That little girl I held in my arms
So sweet and so innocent
That little girl I held in my arms
Such a darling thing God sent

That little girl I held in my arms
I hope she won't forget me
That little girl I held in my arms
As she grows through every sleep

This story is a story
I'd have to tell in person.
Where the person
should be able to listen
for a long time.
They should be patient
and not say a word
'till the end of the story.

This is a type of story
without any end.
It slowly adds a page on
day by day.
It's a story that will have no end
until the day I die.

This is a story
about me.
It's a story where
hearts are broken
and where mending occurs.

It's a story where
tears are shed.
And I'd told myself that
no more of those.
Boys are not worth crying over
even in the toughest of times.

It's a story where
the no-crying rule
has made me stronger
It's made me guard my heart
and helped me to live better.

It's a story where
I think I've moved on
but inside I know I haven't.
I leave those thoughts to
the back of my head.
But they come back to haunt me
anyways.

It's a story where
those thoughts occur
whenever the moment arrises.
I tell myself there's someone new
but my mind won't let me get over it.

It's a story where
my mind is so stubborn
and won't move on.
It's stuck back on that person
and won't let me change my mindset.

It's a story where
maybe I won't move on
because of all the time I've spent
chasing after that person.
All the energy I've spent.

It's a story where
I've just let it hang there
and it'll always hang there
'till the day I die.