Rising from the ashes
Born anew for the world to see
Flying high above the sky
Reaching true potential
Being better than the rest
Better, being put to the test
No more mistaken steps
Up and away time will fly
When now turns into then
I will disappear for good
In a puff of smoke
The end

as the darkness of the
dreadful nights storm
fades into early morning
the City lays before me in ruins
trees lay sullen and forlorn
like fallen soldiers,
never to see their families again
glass from feeble house's
scatter the ground like dangerous seeds
catching in the bottom of my feet
small whips of winds push back
my soft red hair, as I stand and stare
as the city rebuilds
from the darkness back into the light

Darkness and silence become my prison
As I wait for no one to save me
The hard floor, my new home
And the hot air my coffin
Here I am stuck in motion
The day just may have gotten worse
Hours fly by like centuries
Stuck here, within the mind
I was told wasn’t right
Here I am stuck with only myself
No war, no judgment, no more pain
Just me
In my dark and silent elevator
My no man’s land of time

You fake death, while we
Lay bleeding, you think you’re cool
While you’re not breathing

You get away with ******, while
We take blow after blow, standing together
On the corner listening to you groan

Take your hand and grab a knife
Pounce around all through the night
Yell and scream, try and make us believe you

Open up and take a handful
Lay there silently heaving
Fingers down your throat

Again you scream and yell
But now no one hears you
Now it’s real and no one believes you

You die, while we watch
Seething, you thought you were cool
While you were still breathing

Tangled in Desire and Depression
regulated by hostility and sin
whilst those truly guilty
run wild; Controlling their prey

I see what you're doing
all the familiar games, we used to play
jealous of the love I possess
******* happiness like blood

the pain no one helped me through
darkened nights: tear drops on broken glass
the shattered remains of the girl I was
surround the monster I have become

Punch me, Cut me, make me Bleed
just don't break my heart
stitches and way too many shots
falling, deep into my blackened soul

forget who I have killed
don't remember the hearts I kept
taste the flesh under your teeth
then go home before...it's...all...gone

screams that echo through the night
shows the terror I feel,
every time my eyes shut
pain from the past that won't let me go

I wish I could accept the future
but my mind still aches with fear
torn in two by love and pain
dancing to a bittersweet melody of self mutilation

The ink settling in place
Forever it sits and sings
The tale of me,
The sweet melody of
Twists and Patterns
To a point when
Life is mixed with a
Bit of our fantasy
When real life becomes
With my imagination
All dancing around
On the skin
That sings my
bittersweet story

Bare your teeth
Keep feeling hidden
Bury them beneath
Away from prying eyes
Plead to be free
From the harmful cries

Overflowing coffee cups
Ancient cigarette butts
Bittersweet romances
Trying to stop myself from quitting
Forever doing the devil's bidding

I had that dream again
where I die in the tunnel
I am driving even though I don’t drive,
the car varies,
the bigger the fight
the larger the car:
My Mom, my best friend,
my Dad
the country side is blank
like a postcard I bought in Chicago when I was 5
in the tunnel I’m all alone,
like those nights my Mom had to work late
those nights when I feared she wouldn’t be back
I start to panic, and my palms start to sweat
I get so close to the end,
then a loud CRACK,
releases the water from its cage
I run and try to escape
with every step I am pushed back 5
I start to swim, and I still get nowhere
I beg, in my head, for someone to help me
yet no one is there
the water rises to the top
I take my last gasp of air
I plunge into the dark limitless water
close my eyes and pray
even thought I haven't prayed for years
I feel guilty, I abandoned my faith
now I will die and I am a sinner
I ask for life, but beg for forgiveness
then I see Him
the dark man looking at me
I’m not scared just curious
we lock eyes
He smiles
I feel safe
He is dressed in cultured dress
and His hair is cut short
His face like a road map,
aged like wine
His eyes tell you more
then a greek storyteller
no judgement
no fear just love
in His great big brown eyes
the grandpa I never knew
smiled at me
I felt safe an opened my mouth
water rushed desperate to be a part of me
I wake up
my lungs ache
my arms and legs are sore
and I can’t take my eyes off my ceiling
looking for cracks and drops of water

The end
New beginning
of a new page
My old story
Here standing tall
Facing it all
By myself
Here I am
At the end
Watching my world
Crumble at your feet
An the new life rising
Here I am
Again
At the end
Still
Loving you

You reach out
Sticking your claws in
That rips me apart
Tear me to shreds
I worry about you
Which you thrive on
I care about you
Which you need to survive
The attention
You consume
Overload on high
The stress overflows
As you talk to me
About your problems
In your near perfect life
You talk and talk
At some point I stopped
Listening
You expect me to stay here
To take this ****
To think it’s okay
It’s not and
I am done

Hiding behind fake smiles
Watching for signs of life
Deep down where hate lives, the pain grows
Love’s shattered heart, sews itself back together
Screaming through dull green eyes
Gripped red hair, as panic runs wild
Wondering what others must think
All with a pretty bow of insecurity and desperation
Trying hard to impress…Everyone
A pen in one hand
A knife in the other
Writing about pain, that never goes away
All behind that familiar smile
Everyone loves
But they can’t know the real me.

The dream always starts the same way
Me slowly drifting down the old river
A cigarette in my mouth and
A boy calling my name

My hair flowing behind me
A perfect blend of red and gold
Seductively cute lifeless smiles
The river keeps curving round and round

Down I fall into a convenient rabbit hole
The water tainted with my attitude
Purposefully tempting me to go
Down
            Down
                        Down

The feelings don't go away
Just because you wish they would
New feeling bloom like beautiful flowers
Eyes sparkling with newly inspired desire
Waiting for the curtain to rise, and the act to begin

Smile like everyone is watching
When they turn your music down low
Making you feel alone in a crowded room
Trapped, in wide open spaces
Daring you to be yourself
To sway to your own beat
Show them, by smiling bigger then ever
Whether they are watching or not

Beat down your door
As I scream your name
You left me alone
You left me with my shame
How could you expect
This would be okay
Change my life
Then leave it in shambles
Tear my heart out
And smash it to pieces
Stomp on my insecurities
Keeping me in painful silence
My mouth sewn shut
Keeping our old love secret
I sit here and see you laugh
At the women you left
A sobbing child
I stumble over
Every step forward
While you sit an
Blow away life’s problems
I am stuck in the muck
While you watch me
Sink farther
Into nothingness

Warning signs
Etched deep in my skin
Unwanted
Burning me inside out
That need to know
What I really am
Estranged
Hiding behind long sleeves
Solid blue jeans
All alone
Any knife or shard will do
A pioneer in bloodshed  
Painfully Permanent
Greed
How much more
can my canvas take?
Failure
And across my wrist
A final and fatal
*Goodbye

We are the children of the rain
Forever falling to our own beat
Every drop an unwritten melody
A new story, young and unique
We are the Rain, living here and now
Washing away our old hurt
Writing our new stories

What do I want
Well a lot of things
To finish my novel
There's a start
Keep up friendships
Maybe more writing
Try and find someone
Worth writing about
Maybe enough to love
Wow I’m getting old
A lot of things
That need to be done
Like get a job
Or register for college
A lot of things....
What do I want?
I don't know

What if we had more then forever
Our youth free from tether
Letting passion and lust take the lead
What my heart truly  needs.

A body like yours deserves admiration
So why not give in to temptation,
Why not lose ourselves in one another
So how about being my part time lover.

We could satisfy without the hassle,
Every need fulfilled, so much to unravel
No painful fall, no falling in love at all,
Just a straight forward constant *******.

So why not have fun while were young,
And let me show you how I use my tongue
Why not, move a little bit closer,
Why not give me full disclosure.