You never expect it.
But then in comes,
crashing down on you
like a cold wave on a sandy beach.

So how do you handle it?
Do you allow yourself to go numb?
Emotionless, thoughtless, catatonic
to the world around you?

No.
You force yourself forward.

Because you can't stop.
Can't let those around you down.
Won't allow them to suffer
any more than they have to.

You find yourself
saying empty words,
each to fill
the gap left in your heart.

And just as your world
seems at an all time low.
Things look up,
you take a step.

And finally,
you feel.

I'm not even sure where to begin.
You lit the fire in my soul.

Before you,
I saw the world in shades of gray.

Then there you were,
So full of color.
So Full of life.

Whenever I think of your name
my heart leaps for joy.

Our time together in this way
must now come to a close,
but it is far from the end.

As we grow older,
my affection grows deeper.

You saved my life
in the most literal of terms.

Your emblem shall always be tattooed
on the second toe of my left foot.

An ever lasting and constant reminder
of your selfless spirit.

For even after I am long gone
your spirit will remain
in the being of every person you have touched.

My love for you
is too great to explain in words.

All that I can say is,
Sugarloaf's in my heart!

What is it about human nature
which so often thrives on pain?

It's high time that we each take a good look.
Look to our neighbors, our friends, even our enemies,
and really take stock in what we see.

Notice that all we do
does have an effect on others.

We're none of us perfect.
But we all share this place.
We all share this time.

So we should try
to work in harmony.

Always attempt to
bring out the best in those around us,
instead of knocking them down.

We are all different,
and yet so very the same.

Life could be easy,
if we just looked past the bad in people
and saw them for the beauty within.

And while there may be times
when the beauty appears invisible.

I ask that you keep searching.
Keep an open heart.

Because I promise that you will find it.
And when you do,
all will be right.

The ugly will be long gone.
Naught but a distant memory.

Hold on to the beauty
and do all you can do
for the stunning people who surround you.

This world is too unique for hate.
It was meant to be shared.

Don't look at me and smile
as though everything is fine.

I can see the pain in your eyes.
Feel the hurt in your heart.

I'm here no matter what,
through good and through bad.
I've been along for the ride from the start.

I will sit,
I will listen.
I will always understand.

But please remember,
each relationship is a two way street.

I need you
to trust me.

The moon bleeds tonight.
Her eerie light spreads across the Earth,
yet her silent screams reach only the deaf.

She cries in pain.
Her heart torn out by the people so far below

They have no idea how very fortunate they are.
For even when they are lonely,
they don't have to be alone.

For her none will stumble upon her spot
resting so high above.

Even when they land upon her,
it is only to poke and ****.

The moon bleeds tonight.
She is seen by all,
yet only heard by the deaf.

Tomorrow marks the beginning of the end
Of the final two years.
What was said to be the easy part.

You all tell me not to worry so much,
But I still do.

What if I don’t do enough?
What if I make some monumental mistake?
Some epic failure never to be forgiven.

You tell me not to fear the failure,
But it feels as though that is all the universities
And my future bosses will be able to see.

Each a mark against me
In this over competitive world.

But shouldn’t the bosses and the Universities
See the growth from the failure
And not the failure itself?

To me, that makes more sense.
I would much rather work with someone
Who took a risk, failed and overcame it.

Than someone who didn’t even try
And got it right the first time around.

So, maybe you are right.
Maybe I can’t sweat the small stuff.
Maybe things will just fall into place.

But maybe they won’t.
Maybe I’ll fail.

We stand together on this night,
None of us want for it to end.

Tomorrow we will part ways, go home,
Not to be back for another year.

We look around the sea of people
And there is nothing but sadness, nothing but tears.

At first I am fine, sad,
But no tears have yet to hit these eyes.

But then I turn around and you are there,
Tears streaming down your face.

As you sob into my shoulder,
I lose it.

We finally break apart,
Moving on to embrace the rest of the world.

Some mean more than others,
Some mean the end of a long journey together as we part ways in the world.

We all walk up together, the night is still,
The stars more beautiful than ever.

With final hugs and final sobs,
We part ways for the night.

While we will see each other in the morn’,
It feels as though heaven has come to an end.

I will reach for your hand
When you need strength to continue.

I will hold you in a tight embrace
When your world feels at an end.

I will look into your eyes
When you feel like you are invisible.

I will wipe away your tears
When you have been crying on my shoulder.

I will lend an ear
When you need somebody to listen.

I will give a voice
When you can’t hear your own.

I will let you go
When your time for change arrives.

Do not think these acts are selfless,
I gain more than you could ever know.

Each hand I touch
Is a hand on my heart.

Each hug I give
Is a blanket in the cold.

Each eye I see
Is a portal to a new land.

Each tear I move
Is a reminder of where I’ve been.

Each story I hear
Is a chance to learn and grow.

Each phrase I speak
Is an opportunity for poetry.

Each person gone
Is a hand, a blanket, a portal, a reminder, a chance, an opportunity.

So no, I won’t ask for anything in return.
All I ask is for you to be happy.
All I ask is for you to find your place.

Insomnia returns
Like an old friend.

Well, maybe not a friend.
But that annoying person
You are never fully capable
Of shaking away.

What is one to do?
But wait for morning to come along
And take your mind off of everything.

In a few days,
What should be a clean slate will begin.
But it’s not. Not really.

It’s just a reminder
That time is wasting away.
That there is never quite enough.

At this hour most everyone sleeps
Or partakes in an event
Far more pressing than my sanity.

So what is there to do but sit?
Alone with my thoughts, my regrets,
Worst of all my fears.

Nothing you can do is good enough
Though people might say it is.
But deep in your heart you know
There is always something missing

If there wasn’t,
Would we be human?
Are we even capable of reaching happiness?
Or are we stuck in a loop of ongoing disdain?

Forever miserable.
Forever awake.
With your heart racing your mind
Trying to determine who can work faster.

Neither ever seems to win.
They just continue to fight
Over and over
Resulting in a constant tie.

Maybe one day all will be clear.
But for now it remains mud.

I lay here.
My body aches from the endless months before.
It yearns for that beautiful darkness
That comes with sleep.

The darkness that it has failed to see for far too long.
I hear nothing but the fan circling above
And crickets chirping merrily outside my window.

Bed is soft, and warm, and comforting.
My limbs sink to become one with the mattress.

But even as my body is at peace,
My mind swirls around going ten-thousand different directions.
All at light speed.

These thoughts crash together
Causing my body to ****, to tense,
Reminding it that it is not really resting.

As the thoughts break themselves apart,
They sort into a hallway of organized threads,
Each needing close examination before retiring until tomorrow.

I start in the past.
With the threads that shine in an assortment of pale colors.

As I examine them, they begin to vibrate.
The song is sad, but hopeful,
The notes smooth, legato.

Then I move along to the last 24 hours.
The colors bright, the song light and happy.
Trills and runs go off cheerfully, then make their way to the distance.

I move forward.
The threads are dark and intense,
The song creepy, almost wrong.

In another outburst,
Chaos erupts.

The threads wrap around me.
Showing all the possibilities.

They start with the way I want things to be,
But as time goes by,
Each gets more wrong, more disturbed.

The threads cling to me for hours,
Until finally, just as the sun peeks over the mountains,
Like a light switch,

All goes still.
All goes silent.
All goes black.

The threads dormant at last.
Until tomorrow comes
And it all starts anew.

There are so many things I wish I could say
So many words left unknown.
But whenever you get close I push you away.
To you I am just skin and bones.

I wish I could talk.
Wish I could let go of these insecurities.
Be rid of this fear.
But I can’t. But I won’t

Please know that it’s nothing against you.
You are innocent in all of this.
It’s me. I’m scared.
Scared to hurt you. To let you hurt me.

I know in my mind the fear is unreasonable.
But my heart, it just won’t listen.
I am no scientist.
Never have I been one for rationalities.

Instead, I stick to art.
To raw instinct.
Maybe it will just take a little time.
Or maybe it will take a little more.

But even so,
There are so many things I wish I could say.
So many words left unknown.

You ask why I do this?
Why I stress myself out over the future?
Why, even when I am sick and I’m tired,
I continue to write, to sing, to dance, to act?
Why I am so determined to build a future on something
That causes me such exhaustion?

At first your questions stump me.
Never have I thought about why.
I just do.

These things are a part of me,
Of the way I live, breath, eat and sleep.

I write to free the mind.
I sing to free the heart.
I dance to free the soul.

But I act, I act to feel.
To feel emotions that otherwise,
Would never penetrate the barrier
That keeps them shut up inside.

I act to see.
To see a different side in people
Normally left unknown.

I act to find.
To find parts of myself
That I never knew existed.

I act to understand.
To understand the complexities
of the world and it’s inhabitants.

To understand myself
and why I am who I am.

But even with this list of reasons,
I am not yet satisfied with my answers.

Because, above all else,
I do these things for love.

For the love of the words,
the melodies,
the movement.

And for the love that it allows me to feel
For each person that might cross my path
on this journey of life

And so,
I hope that now you can better understand

Why?…Because.