I will reach for your hand
When you need strength to continue.

I will hold you in a tight embrace
When your world feels at an end.

I will look into your eyes
When you feel like you are invisible.

I will wipe away your tears
When you have been crying on my shoulder.

I will lend an ear
When you need somebody to listen.

I will give a voice
When you can’t hear your own.

I will let you go
When your time for change arrives.

Do not think these acts are selfless,
I gain more than you could ever know.

Each hand I touch
Is a hand on my heart.

Each hug I give
Is a blanket in the cold.

Each eye I see
Is a portal to a new land.

Each tear I move
Is a reminder of where I’ve been.

Each story I hear
Is a chance to learn and grow.

Each phrase I speak
Is an opportunity for poetry.

Each person gone
Is a hand, a blanket, a portal, a reminder, a chance, an opportunity.

So no, I won’t ask for anything in return.
All I ask is for you to be happy.
All I ask is for you to find your place.

Insomnia returns
Like an old friend.

Well, maybe not a friend.
But that annoying person
You are never fully capable
Of shaking away.

What is one to do?
But wait for morning to come along
And take your mind off of everything.

In a few days,
What should be a clean slate will begin.
But it’s not. Not really.

It’s just a reminder
That time is wasting away.
That there is never quite enough.

At this hour most everyone sleeps
Or partakes in an event
Far more pressing than my sanity.

So what is there to do but sit?
Alone with my thoughts, my regrets,
Worst of all my fears.

Nothing you can do is good enough
Though people might say it is.
But deep in your heart you know
There is always something missing

If there wasn’t,
Would we be human?
Are we even capable of reaching happiness?
Or are we stuck in a loop of ongoing disdain?

Forever miserable.
Forever awake.
With your heart racing your mind
Trying to determine who can work faster.

Neither ever seems to win.
They just continue to fight
Over and over
Resulting in a constant tie.

Maybe one day all will be clear.
But for now it remains mud.

I lay here.
My body aches from the endless months before.
It yearns for that beautiful darkness
That comes with sleep.

The darkness that it has failed to see for far too long.
I hear nothing but the fan circling above
And crickets chirping merrily outside my window.

Bed is soft, and warm, and comforting.
My limbs sink to become one with the mattress.

But even as my body is at peace,
My mind swirls around going ten-thousand different directions.
All at light speed.

These thoughts crash together
Causing my body to ****, to tense,
Reminding it that it is not really resting.

As the thoughts break themselves apart,
They sort into a hallway of organized threads,
Each needing close examination before retiring until tomorrow.

I start in the past.
With the threads that shine in an assortment of pale colors.

As I examine them, they begin to vibrate.
The song is sad, but hopeful,
The notes smooth, legato.

Then I move along to the last 24 hours.
The colors bright, the song light and happy.
Trills and runs go off cheerfully, then make their way to the distance.

I move forward.
The threads are dark and intense,
The song creepy, almost wrong.

In another outburst,
Chaos erupts.

The threads wrap around me.
Showing all the possibilities.

They start with the way I want things to be,
But as time goes by,
Each gets more wrong, more disturbed.

The threads cling to me for hours,
Until finally, just as the sun peeks over the mountains,
Like a light switch,

All goes still.
All goes silent.
All goes black.

The threads dormant at last.
Until tomorrow comes
And it all starts anew.

There are so many things I wish I could say
So many words left unknown.
But whenever you get close I push you away.
To you I am just skin and bones.

I wish I could talk.
Wish I could let go of these insecurities.
Be rid of this fear.
But I can’t. But I won’t

Please know that it’s nothing against you.
You are innocent in all of this.
It’s me. I’m scared.
Scared to hurt you. To let you hurt me.

I know in my mind the fear is unreasonable.
But my heart, it just won’t listen.
I am no scientist.
Never have I been one for rationalities.

Instead, I stick to art.
To raw instinct.
Maybe it will just take a little time.
Or maybe it will take a little more.

But even so,
There are so many things I wish I could say.
So many words left unknown.

You ask why I do this?
Why I stress myself out over the future?
Why, even when I am sick and I’m tired,
I continue to write, to sing, to dance, to act?
Why I am so determined to build a future on something
That causes me such exhaustion?

At first your questions stump me.
Never have I thought about why.
I just do.

These things are a part of me,
Of the way I live, breath, eat and sleep.

I write to free the mind.
I sing to free the heart.
I dance to free the soul.

But I act, I act to feel.
To feel emotions that otherwise,
Would never penetrate the barrier
That keeps them shut up inside.

I act to see.
To see a different side in people
Normally left unknown.

I act to find.
To find parts of myself
That I never knew existed.

I act to understand.
To understand the complexities
of the world and it’s inhabitants.

To understand myself
and why I am who I am.

But even with this list of reasons,
I am not yet satisfied with my answers.

Because, above all else,
I do these things for love.

For the love of the words,
the melodies,
the movement.

And for the love that it allows me to feel
For each person that might cross my path
on this journey of life

And so,
I hope that now you can better understand

Why?…Because.