A guilty relief leaks from my fingertips and stains this keyboard.
The words need to be told, but the result is more than I can afford.
What I want to know most is what you want to hear.
What do your ears crave after this long, tragic year?

I move any direction but forward on this journey of mine,
But when I look over my shoulder,  you're not parallel to my line.
"I wanna help you out, I wanna straighten your path,"
Well what ever happened to "I never wanna look back"?

Answer the question, I can't deal with this pain.
Please just tell me when different becomes the same.
But I think the real question is, what do you care?
Now that your thoughts have all strayed from whatever we shared.

I'm not asking for love, although I'd die just to have it.
But I can't speak my mind without sounding dramatic.
It shouldn't surprise you though, the creator of my world,
You created my hell faster than God created earth.

I can't forgive you for that, but what does it matter?
You're good as new, even while I'm still shattered.
I cringe to think of the satisfaction in your veins.
I shudder at the thought that you take it all as a game.

I've spent my whole life dreaming about this other half,
Then you dangled it in my face and I cried as you laughed.
I can't forgive you for that, but I know you don't mind.
I don't mean anything to the boy who consumes all my time.

Here I go, my hands shaking,
As I picture your face.
Here I go, my mind racing,
Taking me back to that place.

I dare you to look into the depths of my brain.
When you come out, I promise, you'll never be the same.
The things that lie up there are dangerous and unhealthy.
But what does that matter? You've checked out already.

I laugh at the thought of you understanding my heart.
But clearly you understand it enough to tear it apart.
I can't forgive you for that, but don't give it a thought.
Although in every dream, you're all that he's not.

Here I go, trying so hard to remember that word.
The one you used to use, the one I always heard.
Here I go, uttering the word that never means enough.
I remember it now, that lie pronounced 'love'.

Look what I did, I did it again, it happens every time.
You turn away the very moment I put my love on the line.
I'm used to it now, you've given me the devil to face.
I'll never know how you found me such a dark place.

The anger within kicks up a million clouds of dust,
Then the love and the words get lost in lost trust.
Look in my eyes and tell me what you see,
Its a broken reflection referred to as me.

I wanna tell you I hate you for all that you did,
But "I hate" and "you" never seem to fit.
You destroyed the smile I used to wear as an accessory,
So when they ask why its gone, I'll point to you for the story.

"Sleep easy and walk with that charm I fell for," nice lie.
At the thought of you loving me, I might as well die.
The sadness has come out in numerous ways,
Fighting it off has become my hobby these days.

If I had to place the blame, it wouldn't all be on you.
You ruined everything I was, but I loved you too.
And although loving you has run me into the ground,
When my tears scream for me, there's still a slight sound.

When you read this I'll be crying at the guilt inside my veins,
And at the thought that after you've read it, nothing will have changed.
I feel like if I don't tell you these things, I'll never move on,
But I don't want you to think about what you avoid reflecting upon.

I hate where we stand, but I'm at arms length because you wish,
Oh but you haven't the slightest idea what I'd do for one last kiss.
Every night I dream a dream that won't ever come true,
But I hope you know that I'm always facing you.

Don't fear the words that may force you to look back,
You offered your help so don't treat them like an attack.
And I know these are the last things that a girl like me should say,
But I've got nothing to lose, I'm pretty ****** up anyway.

What do you say to a girl who walks alone?
She says she doesn't want friends, but she doesn't want home.
Her day isn't finished until she's cried for a while.
You can't expect a girl like that to walk with a smile.

She doesn't look herself without sadness in her eye,
And if you watch long enough, you can see it in her stride.
You'd expect a girl like that to have arms right beneath her,
But the only arms around don't care enough to reach her.

What do you say to a girl without faith?
And how do you rid of her involuntary face?
She says she's got love to fill a million hearts,
But its just not enough to mend what tore her apart.

I wonder what she dreams of when she lies down to rest.
She wouldn't keep it a secret but its not hard to guess.
She says sometimes she dreams of what it'd be like to have wings.
You'd expect a girl like that to wish for such things.

What do you say to a girl who can't find her smile?
You don't say a word, you let her talk for a while.
Don't tell her anything, just let her tell you.
The only thing you should convince her of, is that she'll get through.

Striding down the tiles with the invisible hat,
So many steps up from the baseball bat.
Not really sure what its supposed to achieve,
If you hold it to his head do you expect him to leave?

A silly little boy with a faulty eye doctor,
I've never been so anxious to see a woman on the alter.
Tomorrow is a fun house, so come and step inside.
The devil's got his plan, but its his turn to hide.

I've driven to far from the parallel lines,
But if I drove too slow I'd be what's on my mind.
With a 2 start closet and a 5 star wish,
Grab some X-ray goggles before you catch this fish.

They say you never know what you've got until its gone,
But once the words slow down I'll have read them wrong.
It'll be a while before the numbers reach the sun,
Grab the button from your backpack and press it just once.

I wonder what its like to be a mother of five,
She says I'm too intense, well I hope this here provides.
With one hidden key and a visible lock,
Grab your lunch, pop a squat, and listen to me talk.

I'm not going to bring up what brought me down,
Tell me if you find Waldo driving through town.
The two ends tie together, see through the lens in your hand,
But when this glass becomes a mirror, you know where I am.

The words come easy, but they're attached to a stone.
Gripped by vines that choke it, the vines are overgrown.
She can't tear them out of their rooted maze,
Although trying to tear them consumes her days.

She comes with a story, a purpose, a reason,
But she'll only let you know if you're who she'll believe in.
Not very many have played that part,
Therefore not many know of the sting in her heart.

The ones with potential are the ones on the line,
Caught between two stones, they feed into her vine.
They do it with turned heads, so they can't see her eyes,
But they can't push her down if she's wearing disguise.

Her heart is the soil and her tears act as rain,
Just add in some sun and it all equals pain.
Even in drought when the vines grow tired and sore,
There's a persistent strength in the sturdy vine's core.

She keeps tugging at it though, in attempt to forget its name.
She pulls hardest when its weak; for that's how to win the game.
This vine has played her before, a fight before surrender,
But her journey to any victory is one she always remembers.

This round has lasted weeks, which is longer than most do,
But as she keeps tugging on the vine all she can say is "Thank you."
The confident green rope is determined to take its time,
But, to her, there's nothing better than clearing out a vine.

She's sitting on the moon, looking down on the earth.
She's got the perfect view to watch the whole globe burn.
She says to herself, "I don't belong anymore."
As the earth is slowly consumed by the flames of its core.

She looks in the stars and sees the eyes of her mother,
Her pools of regret say, "they'll only send you another."
Her family tree takes a nebula's shape,
As ancient voices gently whisper four letters called 'fate'.

She screams, "can you hear me, God? This is your cue."
Somewhere in her prayers echo, God forgot to follow through.
Her broken voice sings "J'ai guru deva omm,"
Until she gets the impression that she's sitting alone.

Her life is inspired by a nightmare with a twist,
The glass walls of her soul have been painted with mist.
Her eyes are lined with a melancholy glaze,
While the tears of their reflection bring rain into space.

She's recovered from blindness, now everything's clear.
She thinks, "there is no place for me in earth's atmosphere."
The lack of oxygen in her blood causes her veins to burst,
Forever will her broken bones haunt the empty universe.

They say destruction is creation,
Which she's proven to be true.
It takes a brutal pain,
To uncover something new.

Sweaty hands don't grip well,
Which she recently found out.
Before you can let anything in,
You need to let everything out.

Changing your life is a challenge,
Which she was forced to learn.
If you put your hand too close to fire,
You'll be enthralled, but it'll burn.

Its hard to love, love,
Which she finally discovered.
Because when love decides to leave,
There's nothing worse than the recover.

Since she mastered the language of silence,
All the words that she speaks are abstract.
She says, "I know there's not much to believe in,
but I can't make my future my past."

Then he said, "please will you play me a memory?
I just want to learn how it goes."
So she searched through her soul for the melody,
And cried as she sang him the notes.

Then he wrapped all his thoughts around her,
And removed the mask from her face.
He said, "I may not understand what's inside you,
but I know you'll get out of this place."

When his eyes are as big as his ears,
You know that he's planning to stay.
But this story was already written,
Its a game she's been too weak to play.

He thinks, "how did I come to find her?"
As she ponders the meaning of love.
He thinks "maybe tomorrow will be better,"
As she prays that she never wakes up.

When her words carve a flood in the earth,
And all the colors blend into a swirl,
There's only one thing that she can see clearly:
The metamorphic reflection of a girl.

When the UV kicked in
there was sweat on her palms,
So she threw the shovel down;
she'd been working for too long.

Lying right beside her
was a body that was dead,
And as a tear slipped down her cheek she thought
"we could have been friends."

She was left with a hole,
she'd dug it 13 feet deep,
Just so that the body would have
a soundless place to sleep.

Then she picked the body up,
smearing blood on her hands,
And she dropped it 13 feet,
down to its quiet bed of sand.

She gazed at the body with
the spear through its chest,
With just a shovel and no fear,
the devil was impressed.

Then she took her ****** hands
and flattened out the ground,
envisioning the body's screams,
cringing at the sound.

She stood up and stepped back,
defining the word brave,
While 13 letters in the sand read,
"I am love's grave."

Dear God, please be patient, this is my first prayer.
I don't know if you're listening, but I just want you to care.

Dear God, tell me the truth, can you hear me breathe?
Help me turn my sighs into sighs of relief.

Dear God, I need your help to define the word 'me'.
Its just that you know me so well, and I've forgotten how to see.

Dear God, I really need you, and I don't mean to ask much,
But things aren't the same as when I used to be enough.

Dear God, I don't get it. What does my skin justify?
People hate my color, but I just don't get why.

Dear God, can't he come home? I know I ask that all the time,
But if all my friends have daddies, why can't I have mine?

Dear God, make them stop. Hush these cruel voices.
Turn their curvy daggers into more pleasant noises.

Dear God, help me now. He's the one who said forever.
How many tears will it take to make it better?

Dear God, will you tell me where this prayer is going?
I don't want to pray to nothing without even knowing.

Dear God, send me a sign, let me know it's all real.
With the way things are lately, I don't know what to feel.

Dear God, where's the path? Every road has an ending.
I try to see a path but nothing good comes from pretending.

Dear God, I'm still here, still suffering on this earth.
I'm representing all the prayers of your silly broken world.