I crave for you to want me like you used to
I crave for your yearning glances
And I crave to be in your thoughts
I crave to be the center of your attention
I crave to be your girl
I crave for you to look at my arms
   And plead me to stop
I crave for you to want to talk to me
I crave for you to hold me
I crave for you to be there
I crave for you to be who you were
    And I crave for me to be who I was
I crave for the world I gave up

Why is it that I'm the *****
Because I hung out with my guy friend
Right after we broke up
But she's the victim
Even though she slept with my best friend
That very night
Why does she get to be innocent
When she called it off
But when I try to end it I'm a *****
Or why is it that when she cuts herself
Everyone treats her like a helpless baby
But when I try to **** myself
I'm shunned away from my loved ones
I just don't get why no matter how bad I'm hurting
Everyone I love just pushes me aside
When I need to be loved too

'I'm cold'
I complain to my mother
As I tug down the sleeves
Of my baggy sweater
'I ate a large lunch'
I swear to my father
As I skip dinner
For the third day in a row
'I already have plans'
I tell my friends
As I sit at home
Alone in my room
'I've been working out more'
I promise my physician
When she asks me about my weight loss
'My cat's a little rough'
I say to my counselor
When she asks me about my arms
'I'm just shy'
I explain to my grandma
When she asks why I don't talk
During family gatherings

It's taken me years,
But I've finally realized
That I need to say
Goodbye and ******* to:
Those ******* who broke my heart
Those ******* who can't stop gossiping about me
Those ******* that hurt me
Those people who lied to me
Those ******* that broke their promises
Those two-faced *****
The stuck-up *****
The ****** who don't understand 'no'
And especially anyone who made me cry
Because I've finally learned
You weren't worth my time
-My past, my present or my future

I'm sorry I haven't been the perfect daughter
Or the ideal sister
I'm sorry I haven't been the greatest friend
And I'm sorry I haven't been the best person
But most of all I'm sorry
That I won't be around to become the person
I wanted to be.
I'm sorry I won't be able to graduate with my friends
I'm sorry I won't be able to go to prom next month
I'm sorry I won't get to go with my mom on vacation next week.
I'm sorry but I have to know
Can I still get into heaven if I **** myself

I don't get where I went wrong
How was I supposed to know
That when we sat in the snow
Or when we shared food
Or cuddled at the basketball game
Or during all those piggyback rides you gave me
Or even all those times we spent alone together
That you were "in love" with me?

I'm like Humpty Dumpty
You can't keep breaking me
And then putting me back together
Because pretty soon all the kings horses
And all the kings men won't be able to put me back together again
Soon I'll be so broken beyond repair
That you'll have spoiled me for anyone else
Who may have wanted me in the future
So I hope you're happy with yourself

I want you to hold me
To keep me warm in the winter
And hold me while I sleep
I want you to be there
When I wake up in the morning
And when I go to sleep at night
I want to watch TV with you
While you hold me tight
I never knew how much
I wanted you to hold me tight

I thought you wanted it to go back to how it was
And God ******* **** it, I'm trying
I'm giving this my ******* all
But you, you're treating this like a joke
How foolish of me to think you cherished what we had
That you wanted it all back
So here I am trying my ****** hardest
When you don't even ******* care
You take everything I do
And mangle it, so you come out the good guy
And I'm just some *****
Maybe she was right and you are an *******
But maybe I was right too
Just tell me, is this a waste of my time,
Should I even trust you?

You told me I was bad for you
You told me it's my fault you follow me like a puppy
You told me you had to be your own person
You told me I was just like you
You told me I was a *****
You told me I always make it someone else's fault
You told me to feel bad for not trusting you
You told me you didn't mean it
You told me you were just ******

The tears that formed around my eyes
Were roughly wiped away
As I sat on the floor
In front of my bed,
Staring down the razor
That sat in front of me,
Taunting me,
I eagerly picked it up
And pressed the cool metal
To the underside of my left arm
And made four horizontal lines
I could barely feel anything, but I knew
As soon as the blood started pooling
That even for the shortest time,
I could feel again
Once the bleeding slowed
I put my sweater back on
Looks like it's gonna be long sleeves again this week

Well let me tell you something
I don't hate you
I feel nothing towards you
But should you decide to slit your throat
Please know that I'll throw a ******* party
Because the Wicked ***** of the Ghetto
Finally realized no one likes her
I could destroy you in the blink of an eye
But I don't have to because you're doing it yourself
You're turning into your father

You told me you would try to fix me
But how can you fix what's not broken
I was fine until you tried to save me
Now I'm broken into hundreds of pieces
But you won't clean up the mess you made
You've walked away and still destroy me
Every time I see you
I break into more pieces
Selfishly I want you gone
I was fine until you tried to save me
Now I'm broken into hundreds of pieces
I double, triple think every move I make
Because you broke me
Every time I see you, I die more and more
And just once I want you to feel how I felt
Broken, with nothing left
I want to take everything that keeps you on this planet
And destroy it in front of you
I was fine until you tried to save me
Now I'm broken into hundreds of pieces
But I'll be okay
I can piece myself back together without you

For the first time
In a long time
Things are starting to look up
Schools okay,
Work is fun
Life's drama free
But there's a catch
Every night I come home
And take a razor blade
To my skin
As a way to remind myself
Pain's still out there
And I'm not immune to it
So that way
When things fall apart
I won't be totally destroyed

You left me all alone
And for that I hated you
Now you've come crawling back
And I don't know if I should trust you
But then I remember all the times
All the words we said
Both good and bad
And I don't know if:
  The good outweighs the bad
  Or if the bad outweighs the good
And I know you want to know how to make it okay
But I don't know if I can be out back together
If you were to break me again

I miss those days:
   When you would hold me
   When you told me it would be okay
   When sitting on your lap was the safest place in the world
   When I could hold your hand
   When you could keep the nightmares away
   When you'd call me in the middle of the night to check on me
   When you'd make me mind my manners
   When I was cold and you would give me your coat
   When you wouldn't complain if I cuddled with you
   When you'd go anywhere with me
   When you'd find me if I was lost
   When you'd play dress up with me
   When you'd tell me everything would turn out fine when I was crying
   When you knew what to say to make me laugh
   When you promised never to hurt me
   When I was your girl

Since when do I not want to see you
Or spend time with you
What went wrong between us
That it makes me sick to my stomach
At the thought of seeing you
Happy with someone that wasn't me
Since when am I so shallow that
Stuff like that bothers me
Since when did having to see you
Make me take a razor blade to my skin
And puke up my lunch
Since when did everything change

You say I'm a stupid kid
  At least I'll learn
You say I'll fall apart if I follow my heart
  At least I'll learn
You say I'm ******* crazy
  At least I'll learn
You say if I play with fire I'll burn
  At least I'll learn
You say I'm useless
  At least I'll learn
But I'll never make excuses
  At least I've learned

Remember that time we talked all night?
Remember that time you told me stories for hours on end?
Remember that time we walked together?
Remember that time we played footsie at McDonald's?
Remember that time we walked alone in the dark?
Remember that time we went hiking?
Remember that time you would catch me when I fell?
Remember that time you pretended to push me in the lake?
Remember that time I held you tight?
Remember that time outside the house?
Remember that time you held my hand so I didn't fall?
Remember that time you gave me mittens?
Remember that time you yelled at your friend for scaring me?
Remember that time you bought me dinner?
Remember that time we spoke?
Cause from the things you've been saying
I'm starting to think you don't
And maybe I shouldn't remember those times either

I never knew that I loved you
Until you were to far away
For me to say it
I never knew you were the glue
That kept me from falling apart
Until I fell to pieces
I never knew how lost I was
Without you by my side
Until I was lost
I never knew you were the light
At the end of my tunnel
Until I was surrounded in darkness
I never knew I needed you next to me
Until you were miles away
I never knew that I loved you
Until you were to far away
For me to say it
No, I never knew
I never knew

I used to spend my time
Imagining I would meet someone
     Who'd figure out why I'm guarded
     Who'd stay through the **** I'd put them through
     Who'd always wait for me
     Who'd never get fed up and replace me
     Who'd become a part of me
The scary thing is, I found that guy
But I was to ******* stupid to see
That he was right in front of me
Now it's too late
And there's never going to be another guy
So what's the point in trying?

Remember back in grade school
When we all had to say
Where we wanted to be in ten years
And I cheekily said alive
So when everyone else didn't grow up
To have the life they expected
I could look back at them and laugh
Only now, I don't know if in ten years I will
Because now being alive,
Doesn't sound so fun anymore

I've always been the girl
-Who'd listen to your problems
Because I knew when you said 'I'm fine' you were lying
-Who'd understand sometimes you just need a shoulder to cry on
-Who would drop everything to help you with your problems
-Who sacrificed everything for your happiness

I'm so pathetic
You mean nothing to me
Yet I'm afraid to talk to you
And I haven't the slightest idea why
Maybe it's because we have 'unfinished business'
That you have no desire to fix
Or maybe because I feel like a joke
Just some bet between you and your mates
And if I am, well that would destroy me
But I'll warn you now
If I am some bet
I'll take you down with me,
I'll fight back
Cause baby if I'm going down,
I'm going down swinging

When's it my turn?
When do I get to find someone who
-Knows if I say 'I'm fine' that I'm lying
-Understands sometimes I need a shoulder to cry on
-Will drop everything to help me
-Will sacrifice everything for my happiness
Because every night I've cried myself to sleep
Asking where's my person who cares?

I know I have no right but I can't stop
I shouldn't be here at four in the morning in tears
Over something I did, something I won't admit fault for
But I need you, I need you so bad
I can't talk with the others like I can with you
But you should have a normal relationship
But you only have eyes for me and that terrifies me.
So even if it kills me, I'm going to let you go
Because it's selfish of me to keep you
When I'm hung up in a fantasy world

You promised me
   If I felt like crying
        You'd make me laugh
        You'd cry with me
   If I wanted to run away
        You wouldn't ask me to stay
        You'd run with me
   If I didn't want to listen
        You wouldn't say a word
        You'd listen while I talked
And I was so stupid to believe you would