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Nov 2013 · 453
Untitled
Emily Alyssa Nov 2013
Well let me tell you something
I don't hate you
I feel nothing towards you
But should you decide to slit your throat
Please know that I'll throw a ******* party
Because the Wicked ***** of the Ghetto
Finally realized no one likes her
I could destroy you in the blink of an eye
But I don't have to because you're doing it yourself
You're turning into your father
Nov 2013 · 506
You Told Me
Emily Alyssa Nov 2013
You told me I was bad for you
You told me it's my fault you follow me like a puppy
You told me you had to be your own person
You told me I was just like you
You told me I was a *****
You told me I always make it someone else's fault
You told me to feel bad for not trusting you
You told me you didn't mean it
You told me you were just ******
you told me, backstabber, i hate you
Nov 2013 · 422
Hundred Pieces
Emily Alyssa Nov 2013
You told me you would try to fix me
But how can you fix what's not broken
I was fine until you tried to save me
Now I'm broken into hundreds of pieces
But you won't clean up the mess you made
You've walked away and still destroy me
Every time I see you
I break into more pieces
Selfishly I want you gone
I was fine until you tried to save me
Now I'm broken into hundreds of pieces
I double, triple think every move I make
Because you broke me
Every time I see you, I die more and more
And just once I want you to feel how I felt
Broken, with nothing left
I want to take everything that keeps you on this planet
And destroy it in front of you
I was fine until you tried to save me
Now I'm broken into hundreds of pieces
But I'll be okay
I can piece myself back together without you
backstabber, best friend, *****, broken
Jul 2013 · 320
Never Knew
Emily Alyssa Jul 2013
I never knew that I loved you
Until you were to far away
For me to say it
I never knew you were the glue
That kept me from falling apart
Until I fell to pieces
I never knew how lost I was
Without you by my side
Until I was lost
I never knew you were the light
At the end of my tunnel
Until I was surrounded in darkness
I never knew I needed you next to me
Until you were miles away
I never knew that I loved you
Until you were to far away
For me to say it
No, I never knew
I never knew
May 2013 · 362
Since When
Emily Alyssa May 2013
Since when do I not want to see you
Or spend time with you
What went wrong between us
That it makes me sick to my stomach
At the thought of seeing you
Happy with someone that wasn't me
Since when am I so shallow that
Stuff like that bothers me
Since when did having to see you
Make me take a razor blade to my skin
And puke up my lunch
Since when did everything change
May 2013 · 342
When Did You
Emily Alyssa May 2013
When did you become
The person I could talk to
And feel safe
When did you become
The person who could talk to me
And get me to put down my knife
Before you
I would place my blade to my skin
Without remorse
But now I feel like I need to hide my scars
Because I'm afraid to disappoint you
Even though I know
You don't care about that kind of stuff
May 2013 · 582
Hold Me
Emily Alyssa May 2013
I want you to hold me
To keep me warm in the winter
And hold me while I sleep
I want you to be there
When I wake up in the morning
And when I go to sleep at night
I want to watch TV with you
While you hold me tight
I never knew how much
I wanted you to hold me tight
May 2013 · 302
Thank You for Trying
Emily Alyssa May 2013
I know that you're trying
To understand how I feel
But you can't imagine the feeling
Of being consumed
By nothing but pain and
Overwhelming sadness
So thank you
For trying to understand
Why I want to put a gun to my head
And pull the trigger
Mar 2013 · 283
I'm not
Emily Alyssa Mar 2013
But she's getting better
They all said
She's eating three meals
And her wrists are clean
But little do they know
With every meal I eat
I die a little on the inside
And they don't think
To check anywhere
But my wrists
So no,
I'm not getting better
Mar 2013 · 1.0k
Goodbye and Fuck You
Emily Alyssa Mar 2013
It's taken me years,
But I've finally realized
That I need to say
Goodbye and ******* to:
Those ******* who broke my heart
Those ******* who can't stop gossiping about me
Those ******* that hurt me
Those people who lied to me
Those ******* that broke their promises
Those two-faced *****
The stuck-up *****
The ****** who don't understand 'no'
And especially anyone who made me cry
Because I've finally learned
You weren't worth my time
-My past, my present or my future
Mar 2013 · 459
Long Sleeves
Emily Alyssa Mar 2013
The tears that formed around my eyes
Were roughly wiped away
As I sat on the floor
In front of my bed,
Staring down the razor
That sat in front of me,
Taunting me,
I eagerly picked it up
And pressed the cool metal
To the underside of my left arm
And made four horizontal lines
I could barely feel anything, but I knew
As soon as the blood started pooling
That even for the shortest time,
I could feel again
Once the bleeding slowed
I put my sweater back on
Looks like it's gonna be long sleeves again this week
Mar 2013 · 840
I'm sorry
Emily Alyssa Mar 2013
I'm sorry I haven't been the perfect daughter
Or the ideal sister
I'm sorry I haven't been the greatest friend
And I'm sorry I haven't been the best person
But most of all I'm sorry
That I won't be around to become the person
I wanted to be.
I'm sorry I won't be able to graduate with my friends
I'm sorry I won't be able to go to prom next month
I'm sorry I won't get to go with my mom on vacation next week.
I'm sorry but I have to know
Can I still get into heaven if I **** myself
Mar 2013 · 289
At This Point
Emily Alyssa Mar 2013
I'm just so tired
At the point I don't know
If I'm hiding my scars
With long sleeves
Or if I'm hiding my scars
With a smile and a laugh
At this point
I'm sick and tired
Of having to hide
How I feel on the inside
Mar 2013 · 2.7k
I Need Love Too
Emily Alyssa Mar 2013
Why is it that I'm the *****
Because I hung out with my guy friend
Right after we broke up
But she's the victim
Even though she slept with my best friend
That very night
Why does she get to be innocent
When she called it off
But when I try to end it I'm a *****
Or why is it that when she cuts herself
Everyone treats her like a helpless baby
But when I try to **** myself
I'm shunned away from my loved ones
I just don't get why no matter how bad I'm hurting
Everyone I love just pushes me aside
When I need to be loved too
Mar 2013 · 278
My turn
Emily Alyssa Mar 2013
When's it my turn?
When do I get to find someone who
-Knows if I say 'I'm fine' that I'm lying
-Understands sometimes I need a shoulder to cry on
-Will drop everything to help me
-Will sacrifice everything for my happiness
Because every night I've cried myself to sleep
Asking where's my person who cares?
Mar 2013 · 312
I've Always Been
Emily Alyssa Mar 2013
I've always been the girl
-Who'd listen to your problems
Because I knew when you said 'I'm fine' you were lying
-Who'd understand sometimes you just need a shoulder to cry on
-Who would drop everything to help you with your problems
-Who sacrificed everything for your happiness
Mar 2013 · 420
Untitled
Emily Alyssa Mar 2013
For the first time
In a long time
Things are starting to look up
Schools okay,
Work is fun
Life's drama free
But there's a catch
Every night I come home
And take a razor blade
To my skin
As a way to remind myself
Pain's still out there
And I'm not immune to it
So that way
When things fall apart
I won't be totally destroyed
Mar 2013 · 1.1k
Lies
Emily Alyssa Mar 2013
'I'm cold'
I complain to my mother
As I tug down the sleeves
Of my baggy sweater
'I ate a large lunch'
I swear to my father
As I skip dinner
For the third day in a row
'I already have plans'
I tell my friends
As I sit at home
Alone in my room
'I've been working out more'
I promise my physician
When she asks me about my weight loss
'My cat's a little rough'
I say to my counselor
When she asks me about my arms
'I'm just shy'
I explain to my grandma
When she asks why I don't talk
During family gatherings
Mar 2013 · 315
Find That Guy
Emily Alyssa Mar 2013
I used to spend my time
Imagining I would meet someone
     Who'd figure out why I'm guarded
     Who'd stay through the **** I'd put them through
     Who'd always wait for me
     Who'd never get fed up and replace me
     Who'd become a part of me
The scary thing is, I found that guy
But I was to ******* stupid to see
That he was right in front of me
Now it's too late
And there's never going to be another guy
So what's the point in trying?
Mar 2013 · 314
In Ten Years
Emily Alyssa Mar 2013
Remember back in grade school
When we all had to say
Where we wanted to be in ten years
And I cheekily said alive
So when everyone else didn't grow up
To have the life they expected
I could look back at them and laugh
Only now, I don't know if in ten years I will
Because now being alive,
Doesn't sound so fun anymore
Mar 2013 · 3.6k
I Crave
Emily Alyssa Mar 2013
I crave for you to want me like you used to
I crave for your yearning glances
And I crave to be in your thoughts
I crave to be the center of your attention
I crave to be your girl
I crave for you to look at my arms
   And plead me to stop
I crave for you to want to talk to me
I crave for you to hold me
I crave for you to be there
I crave for you to be who you were
    And I crave for me to be who I was
I crave for the world I gave up
Mar 2013 · 2.6k
Revenge
Emily Alyssa Mar 2013
I take a deep breathe
As I swipe the blade
Across my skin
Exhaling as I watch the skin tear open
And my blood pool to the surface
Meanwhile my brain asks me why
And my heart tells it to shut the **** up
Because it's been broken enough
And now she wants revenge
But not on the ***** that broke her
But on the ***** who let them get close
Mar 2013 · 588
You
Emily Alyssa Mar 2013
You
You say you avoided me
Because I made you feel left out
And for awhile I believed you
But now I see right through it
You avoided me because you're a *****
You create unnecessary drama
You couldn't stand that you weren't first
You were so used to people loving you
That you couldn't stand
To have someone else in the spotlight
Well boo ******* who
Grow the **** up
And get over yourself
Mar 2013 · 525
Damn It
Emily Alyssa Mar 2013
I thought you wanted it to go back to how it was
And God ******* **** it, I'm trying
I'm giving this my ******* all
But you, you're treating this like a joke
How foolish of me to think you cherished what we had
That you wanted it all back
So here I am trying my ****** hardest
When you don't even ******* care
You take everything I do
And mangle it, so you come out the good guy
And I'm just some *****
Maybe she was right and you are an *******
But maybe I was right too
Just tell me, is this a waste of my time,
Should I even trust you?
Mar 2013 · 290
I'll Fight Back
Emily Alyssa Mar 2013
I'm so pathetic
You mean nothing to me
Yet I'm afraid to talk to you
And I haven't the slightest idea why
Maybe it's because we have 'unfinished business'
That you have no desire to fix
Or maybe because I feel like a joke
Just some bet between you and your mates
And if I am, well that would destroy me
But I'll warn you now
If I am some bet
I'll take you down with me,
I'll fight back
Cause baby if I'm going down,
I'm going down swinging
Mar 2013 · 427
Not Her
Emily Alyssa Mar 2013
You're an *******.
You can play me
That's fine,
I'm already broken
But to mess with her
My best friend
Well that's just not ok
You can't tell her you like her
And then turn around
And tell me you still love me
She isn't some rebound girl
She's so much more
She's to innocent and pure
For people like us to touch
We're broken
And she's not
So leave her the **** alone
Mar 2013 · 352
My Heart
Emily Alyssa Mar 2013
You ripped my heart out
And stomped on it
And then you tucked it inside your pocket
Leaving me with a dark and hollow hole,
A shell of who I used to be
And now you're back
With the very thing you stole
Offering it to me
And it's still beating
The only thing is,
I've started to learn how to live
Without it
And I know if I take it back
And later you were to decide
That you wanted it back
I don't think I could live without it
Because in order for me to keep living
I would need my heart
That you stole
Mar 2013 · 377
I Don't Know
Emily Alyssa Mar 2013
You left me all alone
And for that I hated you
Now you've come crawling back
And I don't know if I should trust you
But then I remember all the times
All the words we said
Both good and bad
And I don't know if:
  The good outweighs the bad
  Or if the bad outweighs the good
And I know you want to know how to make it okay
But I don't know if I can be out back together
If you were to break me again
Mar 2013 · 703
Humpty Dumpty
Emily Alyssa Mar 2013
I'm like Humpty Dumpty
You can't keep breaking me
And then putting me back together
Because pretty soon all the kings horses
And all the kings men won't be able to put me back together again
Soon I'll be so broken beyond repair
That you'll have spoiled me for anyone else
Who may have wanted me in the future
So I hope you're happy with yourself
Mar 2013 · 1.1k
Without You
Emily Alyssa Mar 2013
I thought I was happy
Happy without you
That I would be perfectly okay
But I was so wrong
Without your constant compliments
And longing lustful glances
And occasional inappropriate touches
I don't know who I am
I feel like I'm not beautiful enough
Like I'm some forgettable face in the crowd
Not worth your time
Or your fantasies
So when I starve myself to death
And bleed out in my bathroom tub
I want you to know
That in order for me to see myself how you did
I had to take such extreme measures
Ones that are going to end killing me
Mar 2013 · 328
Remember That Time
Emily Alyssa Mar 2013
Remember that time we talked all night?
Remember that time you told me stories for hours on end?
Remember that time we walked together?
Remember that time we played footsie at McDonald's?
Remember that time we walked alone in the dark?
Remember that time we went hiking?
Remember that time you would catch me when I fell?
Remember that time you pretended to push me in the lake?
Remember that time I held you tight?
Remember that time outside the house?
Remember that time you held my hand so I didn't fall?
Remember that time you gave me mittens?
Remember that time you yelled at your friend for scaring me?
Remember that time you bought me dinner?
Remember that time we spoke?
Cause from the things you've been saying
I'm starting to think you don't
And maybe I shouldn't remember those times either
Mar 2013 · 767
How Was I Supposed to Know?
Emily Alyssa Mar 2013
I don't get where I went wrong
How was I supposed to know
That when we sat in the snow
Or when we shared food
Or cuddled at the basketball game
Or during all those piggyback rides you gave me
Or even all those times we spent alone together
That you were "in love" with me?
Mar 2013 · 376
I Miss
Emily Alyssa Mar 2013
I miss those days:
   When you would hold me
   When you told me it would be okay
   When sitting on your lap was the safest place in the world
   When I could hold your hand
   When you could keep the nightmares away
   When you'd call me in the middle of the night to check on me
   When you'd make me mind my manners
   When I was cold and you would give me your coat
   When you wouldn't complain if I cuddled with you
   When you'd go anywhere with me
   When you'd find me if I was lost
   When you'd play dress up with me
   When you'd tell me everything would turn out fine when I was crying
   When you knew what to say to make me laugh
   When you promised never to hurt me
   When I was your girl
Mar 2013 · 273
Can't Keep You
Emily Alyssa Mar 2013
I know I have no right but I can't stop
I shouldn't be here at four in the morning in tears
Over something I did, something I won't admit fault for
But I need you, I need you so bad
I can't talk with the others like I can with you
But you should have a normal relationship
But you only have eyes for me and that terrifies me.
So even if it kills me, I'm going to let you go
Because it's selfish of me to keep you
When I'm hung up in a fantasy world
Mar 2013 · 358
At Least I'll Learn
Emily Alyssa Mar 2013
You say I'm a stupid kid
  At least I'll learn
You say I'll fall apart if I follow my heart
  At least I'll learn
You say I'm ******* crazy
  At least I'll learn
You say if I play with fire I'll burn
  At least I'll learn
You say I'm useless
  At least I'll learn
But I'll never make excuses
  At least I've learned
Mar 2013 · 324
I live a lie
Emily Alyssa Mar 2013
I live a lie
Just one big facade
And they all buy it
No questions asked
I've tried to tell them
Time and time before
There's been so many chances
For me to shout out
That I need somebody
Somebody to care for me
To tell me everything will be okay
Why can't they hear the plea of this girl
Of this broken girl
Mar 2013 · 286
Girl In My Mirror
Emily Alyssa Mar 2013
Sometimes I look in the mirror
  And I can't recognize the girl in it
  The smile on her face is huge
  Like everything in life is so amazing
And I think to myself
Maybe if I were to be more like her
  More like the girl in my mirror
And be oblivious
To the pain the outside world causes
I could be as happy as the girl in my mirror
But then I remember
That the girl in my mirror is me
And I'm not as happy as I appear
Mar 2013 · 236
If I
Emily Alyssa Mar 2013
You promised me
   If I felt like crying
        You'd make me laugh
        You'd cry with me
   If I wanted to run away
        You wouldn't ask me to stay
        You'd run with me
   If I didn't want to listen
        You wouldn't say a word
        You'd listen while I talked
And I was so stupid to believe you would

— The End —